American Pie script
American Pie (1999)
Synopsis: A riotous and raunchy exploration of the most eagerly anticipated -- and most humiliating -- rite of adulthood, known as losing one's virginity. In this hilarious lesson in life, love and libido, a group of friends, fed up with their well-deserved reputations as sexual no-hitters, decide to take action.

JIM'S DAD

What the heck is this?

JIM:

Nothing!

JIM'S MOM

I think he's trying to watch one of

the illegal channels.

JIM:

Jesus, Mom! They're not illegal!

They're pay channels. How could a

television channel be illegal?! God,

get a clue!

JIM'S DAD

James, don't speak that way to your

mother!

PORNO-CHANNEL STUD (V.O.)

Play with my hairy balls!

JIM'S DAD

Turn that garbage off! Give me that!

Jim's Dad grabs for the remote, which is sitting on the

pillow that's been covering Jim. The pillow gets brushed

aside -- revealing the Big Vagina Diagram, Jim with his

shorts down, and a very strategically placed tube sock.

JIM'S MOM

Oh my God!

JIM'S DAD

Honey, why don't you let me handle this

one.

He ushers her out. Jim's Dad is stuck there with his

half-naked son. Horrible, awful embarrassment. A long,

strained beat.

JIM'S DAD (CONT'D)

Jesus Christ. The dictionary? Hell,

son, I'll buy you some dirty

magazines.

Jim's Dad exits, shaking his head. Jim sits agape,

humiliated.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

Oooh, spank me, daddy, spank me!

EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS - DAY

We see a Honda Accord drive by a sign at the city limits:

"Welcome to East Great Falls, Michigan -- A Great Place

To Be"

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Adam Herz

Adam Herz is an American screenwriter and producer. He founded the production company Terra Firma Films in 2003 with a first-look deal at Universal Studios. Herz was born in New York City and raised in East Grand Rapids, Michigan. more…

All Adam Herz scripts | Adam Herz Books

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"American Pie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 17 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/american_pie_354>.

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