There's Something About Mary Page #5

This finally gets Warren's attention.

WARREN:

You seen my baseball?

We see Ted discreetly pull a BRAND NEW BASEBALL out of his pocket

and palm it in his hand.

TED:

Well, if it's a big white one with red

stitching, I think I saw it right behind

your ear ..

Ted is reaching behind Warren's ear when suddenly Warren TAKES A

SWIPE AT HIM, knocking him to the ground.

MARY:

Warren!!!

Ted HITS HIS HEAD on the coffee table.

ON THE BASEBALL - as it rolls under the couch, stopping right

next to the OTHER MISSING BALL.

BACK TO SCENE - In a split second, Warren is up like a cat and

DIVES ONTO TED. As MARY AND HER PARENTS SCREAM, Ted manages to

free himself from the disabled man's clutches and GETS WARREN IN A

HEADLOCK.

MARY'S DAD

(to Ted)

What the hell are you doing?!

MARY'S MOM

Teddy, let him go!

TED:

(out of breath)

I'm trying...tell him to...calm down.

The family jumps on Warren and finally break it up.

MARY'S DAD (cont'd)

(to Ted)

Jesus Christ, guy, what the hell were you

doing?!

TED:

I was playing a trick. I-I-I had a

baseball.

MARY'S MOM

What baseball? Where's a baseball?

Ted looks around but there's no ball in sight.

TED:

There was a ball I had a honest.

As Mary helps Ted up, we see that his shirttail is out and his tie

is hanging off. Mary's parents lead the frothing Warren back to

the couch.

MARY (to Ted)

I'm sorry. I should've told you, he's got a

thing about his ears.

TED:

Oh. Okay. I gotcha.

MARY:

Are you all right?

TED:

Oh yeah.

MARY'S MOM

(to Mary)

Honey, now you're all wrinkled.

Mary looks down and frowns.

MARY:

Ted, will you just give me one more minute?

I have to iron this thing.

Ted starts to tuck his pants in as Mary and her mother head back

up the stairs. Mary's Dad and Ted are left alone. And Warren.

Ted rubs his head, sees a spot of blood.

TED:

(to Mary's Dad)

May I use your bathroom?

INT. BATHROOM - TWILIGHT

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