Bridget Jones's Baby Page #5

MIRANDA:

Nonsense. There are names for

people like you now Bridge, you’re

a cougar, a MILF.

BRIDGET:

I’m not a MILF, I’m not even a Mum.

I’m a spinster, I’m a SPILF.

SUSAN comes in.

SUSAN:

Three minutes until we’re on air.

Cathy has jotted down details. Hands them to Bridget.

CATHY:

It’s called Voyeurz, with a z. Tell

them Cathy sent you. If you go on a

Thursday, there’s a Chinese buffet.

All you can eat...as it were.

14 INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO GALLERY. DAY. 14

Bridget takes prime position at the desk in the gallery in

front of all the monitors. She slips on her microphone.

15 INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO. FLOOR. DAY 15

Miranda takes her place on set, slips in her ear-piece.

FLOOR MANAGER:

Twenty seconds to air.

HARD NEWS TITLES RUN.

Miranda continues to talk to Bridget through her microphone.

MIRANDA:

Anyway, far too many women are

wasting their lives having babies

in their thirties and forties when

they should be getting on with

their careers.

FLOOR MANAGER:

TEN, nine, EIGHT, seven, SIX,

five...

Miranda suddenly changes character - into impressive Emily

Matlis-type anchorwoman.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

11

MIRANDA:

Hello, and welcome to Hard News.

BONG:

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

Tonight, more attacks in Ramallah,

we go live as the world asks is it

time for the UN to intervene?

FOOTAGE RUNS so they can go on talking.

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

You didn’t by any chance freeze

your eggs?

BRIDGET:

God no, I imagine they’re hard

boiled by now.

MIRANDA:

You know what Bridge, this weekend

we need to go out and engage in

some serious

BONG - back on air.

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

Binge drinking; A dangerous scourge

on society. Is new legislation

needed?

FOOTAGE RUNS.

16 INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO. GALLERY. NIGHT 16

RICHARD FINCH enters.

RICHARD FINCH:

Bridget, Miranda, I’ve told you not

to talk between the bongs.

Without looking up, they both give him the finger. Richard

exits the gallery.

BONGS AGAIN.

MIRANDA:

The Foreign Secretary will be live

in the studio to talk about the

looming crisis in Muribundi.

FOOTAGE RUNS.

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

Or you could always try online

dating again.

BRIDGET.

Those dating sites are just full of

married men wanting affairs.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

12

MIRANDA:

No, I’ve met all sorts of men. The

other night I was on Tinder and

half an hour later I’m in a three

way with...

BONG - BACK ON AIR

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

Prince Andrew; The Royal Special

Representative for Trade and

Investment has written his first

children’s book.

FOOTAGE RUNS.

Two young, hip and serious-looking professionals glide into

the back of the studio; power-dressed ALICE PEABODY and her

assistant. She watches proceedings sternly.

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