There's Something About Mary script
Synopsis: Ted's (Ben Stiller) dream prom date with Mary (Cameron Diaz) never happens due to an embarrassing injury at her home. Years later, Ted hires Pat Healy (Matt Dillon) to track down Mary so he can reconnect with her. Pat lies to Ted about Mary and he finds out everything he can about her to trick her into dating him. Ted travels to meet Mary and has to weave through the web of lies that Pat and Mary's friend Tucker (Lee Evans) have woven to try and win her over.

FRIEND #2

I wonder who she's going with.

FRIEND #1

Some guy named Woogie.

TED:

Who?

FRIEND #1

Big guy--goes to Barrington high school.

This irks Ted.

TED:

Woogie from Borrington high? Sounds like

a loser.

FRIEND #1

Loser? Woogie was all-state football and

and basketball and valedictorian of his

class.

FRIEND #2

I heard he got a scholarship to Princeton

but he's going to Europe first to model.

This takes the wind out of Ted's sails.

FRIEND #3

Yeah and he's got a huge cock.

Everyone looks at him.

FRIEND #3 (cont'd)

I heard.

Suddenly Friend #1 NOTICES something.

FRIEND #1

Hey, check it out.

THEIR POV - A large, goofy YOUNG MAN with an unfashionable

crewcut comes walking up the street. He's in his early twenties

and though the weather is mild he's WEARING EARMUFFS. He

approaches a GROUP OF KIDS sitting on a car hood.

EAR-MUFF GUY

You seen my baseball?

CAR HOOD KID #2

No.

The kids watch as the Ear-Muff Guy approaches another group.

EAR-MUFF GUY

You seen my baseball?

ON CAR HOOD KIDS

CAR HOOD KID #1

(to his buddies)

This guy must be in the 'tard squad.

(to Ear-Muff Guy)

Hey, buddy, come here, I think I know where

your ball is.

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Ed Decter

Edward I. "Ed" Decter is an American film director, film producer and screenwriter. His credits include, There's Something About Mary, The Santa Clause 3, The Santa Clause 2, The New Guy, The Lizzie ... more…

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"There's Something About Mary" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 20 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/there's_something_about_mary_525>.

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