Yoga Hosers

Synopsis: Set in the Great White North of Canada, YOGA HOSERS tells the story of Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie - two teenage besties from Winnipeg who spend their lives doing Yoga with their faces in their phones, 'Liking' or 'Not Liking' the real world around them. But when these Sophomore girls are invited to a Senior party by the school hottie, the Colleens accidentally uncover an ancient evil, long buried beneath the Manitoba earth.
Director(s): Kevin Smith
Production: Invincible Pictures
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
4.3
Metacritic:
23
Rotten Tomatoes:
19%
PG-13
Year:
2016
88 min
176 Views


1

Not

Not

Not

Now we're Glamthrax

And we take no shit

And we don't care

for writing hits

The sound you hear

is what we like

And I'll steal your

puppets like I stole your...

Socks.

Yo, man,

what's the matter with you?

Sorry, I'll get it next time,

I promise.

Colleen beats the beats,

the beats you beat

The only thing harder

is the smell of my feet

So listen up 'cause

you might get dissed

go drain the lizard or take a...

Chair.

Damn, c'mon, girl,

watch the beat.

I'm on your case

I'm in your face

Get you and your

father back in place

Step up sucker understand

- Don't you know that...

- I'm the man.

- I'm the man

- I'm bad

I'm so bad

I should be in detention.

I'm the man!

All right.

We've got real def rhythms

And fresh new jams

You say we got egos

But we're just hams

Roof shit, top shelf

And we like to skate

But we're never on time,

we're always...

- Sleeping.

- Late.

Damn it.

The important thing

is that you tried.

Yeah.

I'm on your case

I'm in your face

Put you and your

father back in place

Step up sucker, understand

- Don't you know that...

- I'm the man.

I'm the man, I'm bad.

I'm so bad I should be

in detention.

- I'm the man!

- All right

So

As this rap is winding down

It's plain to see

we wear the crown

You know Glamthrax is number one

But we don't care,

we just wanna have...

A festival.

Fun, Colleen,

girls just wanna have fun.

Hey, that's a song

Colleen

Mailed the mail,

the mail she mailed

We are the queens

so all shall hail

We're like a diamond is forever

And we'll remain the hardest

Ever

I'm so bad it's a crime.

Not.

Not, not, not, not-not

Woo!

Yeah.

Look at his cute little nipples.

Oh, my god, Ichabod, cover up.

You know, I don't have to come

and beat the skins

for you two Beliebers.

- Shut up.

- Yeah.

You know we love you, Icha-wad.

Remember when he ripped

off his shirt before

and we saw his yummy Icha-bod?

I nearly wrote a whole blog about

it, girl, hasthtag Ichagod.

- You did?

- I did not.

Not, not, not-not

No.

- Shit.

- No, what's that noise?

Oh, no, do you two

uncompromising rebel riot girls

actually have to

go back to work?

- Shut up, Icha-bodily functions.

- Yeah.

Excuse me,

Condescending Riot Girls.

Uh, we'll take two packs of

smokes, gimme a bag of milk,

and why don't you throw in

the best most exciting years

of your life

stuck behind a counter, eh?

You're a dick, Ichabod.

Oh, that's mean.

I call you Dickabod.

I can't believe it took you this

long to think of Dickabod!

Sorry aboot that.

Sorry aboot that.

Sorry aboot that.

Sorry aboot that.

Sorry aboot that.

Now, that was a lot

longer than 10 minutes.

My best friend was having lady

problems in the bathroom, okay?

May I shop?

Sure.

Sir Pedophile-in-Denial.

So I'll see you guys Friday, eh?

I said, eh?

Wunderbar

Hi.

Um, True Norths,

this week's issue of Them,

and his Pucky Charms.

And, um...

Condoms.

Oh, my god,

this is about you two.

Yes, ma'am, and we hate it.

It says here

that you saved a man's life.

But it's, like, dumb

because the guy was a walrus

- and not a manatee.

- There's a big difference.

Yeah, a walrus has

tusks and manatees don't.

Did you know they called

the manatee a sea cow?

Moo, I'm utterly underwater, eh?

Moo, moo, eh?

That's her underwater cow,

it's hysterical.

That is funny. C'mon, Wayne.

Moo, moo, moo.

I'm a loser, eh?

Okay, that kid rules.

More of that,

less of everything else ever.

Hunter Calloway's here,

Hunter Calloway's here!

Oh, my god,

could you stop being so basic?

Oh, I gotta Gram the shit

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Kevin Smith

Kevin Patrick Smith (born August 2, 1970) is an American filmmaker, actor, comedian, public speaker, comic book writer, author, and podcaster. He came to prominence with the low-budget comedy Clerks (1994), which he wrote, directed, co-produced, and acted in as the character Silent Bob of stoner duo "Jay & Silent Bob". Jay and Silent Bob have appeared in Smith's follow-up films Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back which were mostly all set in his home state of New Jersey. While not strictly sequential, the films frequently featured crossover plot elements, character references, and a shared canon described by fans as the "View Askewniverse", named after his production company View Askew Productions, which he co-founded with Scott Mosier. more…

All Kevin Smith scripts | Kevin Smith Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Português (Portuguese)
  • Deutsch (German)
  • العربية (Arabic)
  • Français (French)
  • Русский (Russian)
  • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • 한국어 (Korean)
  • עברית (Hebrew)
  • Gaeilge (Irish)
  • Українська (Ukrainian)
  • اردو (Urdu)
  • Magyar (Hungarian)
  • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italiano (Italian)
  • தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Türkçe (Turkish)
  • తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Čeština (Czech)
  • Polski (Polish)
  • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Românește (Romanian)
  • Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latinum (Latin)
  • Svenska (Swedish)
  • Dansk (Danish)
  • Suomi (Finnish)
  • فارسی (Persian)
  • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English (English)

Discuss this Yoga Hosers script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"Yoga Hosers" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 7 Aug. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/yoga_hosers_23833>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


The Studio:

ScreenWriting Tool

Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.