
WolfCop
Ah f*ck!
Good morning Woodhaven.
This is WCK, I'm Bob
I'm Dan, and we are BAD Radio.
B-A-D Radio.
The clock is tick-tick-ticking
down to you know what.
The world famous
Drink n Shoot.
Don't you judge me.
Looks like some people
might have started early.
We're still getting daily reports
about missing dogs and cats.
I'm not pointing any fingers
hotdogs they're showing on me.
And I'd avoid those
pork stores anyway.
You know what I've heard Dan?
People are certainly
scared to getting eaten
by the infamous
Woodhaven walking bear.
- Be a bear is on the attack.
- We were.
Mayor Bradley is looking
like the election frontrunner.
So will it be golden
returning heavyweight Mayor Bradley.
Who has what it takes
to clean up this town.
Not enough mayors in the world to
help our Woodhaven Sheriff Department.
Speaking of which eclipse morning
radio is of course brought to you by
Liquor Doughnuts.
Liquor Doughnuts,
what more could you ask for?
Where is he?
- I'm right here, genius.
- Chief, I was just about to...
Save your bullshit, Lou.
you pulled into the station.
F*ck!
Tina should have been off
night watch, what, 2 hours ago?
Get an update from her.
- What's up his ass?
- They hit Munro's gas station last night.
- Who?
- P.D's.
Sergeant Tina Wash.
- Hey, this is Willie Higens.
- Willie. You again.
Yeah ah.
Slow down.
Okay.
I got it.
Disturbance call.
You think you can get this one?
Willie!
- What is it this time?
- Shhhh.
Won't you come around back?
Officer.
Let me show you.
- Please tell me this is Bigfoot sex tape.
- No.
Do you believe in the occult, Lou?
Because I think I know
what's been happening
to all the missing
pets around town.
Jesus Christ?
Teenagers.
They've been sacrificing them to Satan.
God knows why, I don't know. I assume
they've doing some kinky sexual stuff.
But they've been creeping around
in the bushes out back all week.
I'm here in the woods.
I know this is dark,
I mean come along.
- Look! Here!
- There's the mark of the beast.
Proof.
So I'm going to give you an AK-47,
I'm going to take an M-16.
- We're going to fire on those kids...
- Have anything in heavy metal?
Like lead... mercury?
- No.
- Oh my God.
Been a slice.
But I have other police work to do.
This is real, Lou. You gonna see
an eye when I do is citizen arrest
on a teenager with a fucking shotgun.
Remember what happened to
the boy that cried wolf, Willie.
Nothing happened to him.
But that town's flock was fucked.
Town's flock was fucked.
Lou, come in.
You there? Over.
Go ahead.
How did that thing go with Higens?
Ah, a bunch of kids
partying in the woods.
Following up a possible lead now.
Your usual.
Stocking up for the Drink n Shoot?
Thanks to our forefathers, in two days,
this bar will be full of drunk hunters.
That's what we need. Bunch of
drunks with guns running around.
Very funny. I'll have you know
I haven't fired mine in years.
Are you sure you
still know how to use it?
Jess, whiskey for my boys
and water for my horses.
Deputy.
Keeping the streets safe I see.
Come on.
Beat it!
It's time for a change, Woodhaven.
It's time to take on those who run
this town with the drugs and corruption.
Our local law enforcement has done nothing
for generations, and Mayor Bradley,
she's more concerned with selling
this town than with running it.
It's time we clean up Woodhaven,
and a vote for Wallace
is a vote for change.
Vote for Wallace!
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"WolfCop" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 1 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/wolfcop_23605>.