WolfCop

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Ah f*ck!

Good morning Woodhaven.

This is WCK, I'm Bob

I'm Dan, and we are BAD Radio.

B-A-D Radio.

The clock is tick-tick-ticking

down to you know what.

The world famous

Drink n Shoot.

Don't you judge me.

Looks like some people

might have started early.

We're still getting daily reports

about missing dogs and cats.

I'm not pointing any fingers

No, but I'd avoid eating the

hotdogs they're showing on me.

And I'd avoid those

pork stores anyway.

You know what I've heard Dan?

People are certainly

scared to getting eaten

by the infamous

Woodhaven walking bear.

- Be a bear is on the attack.

- We were.

Mayor Bradley is looking

like the election frontrunner.

So will it be golden

boy Terry Wallace or

returning heavyweight Mayor Bradley.

Who has what it takes

to clean up this town.

Not enough mayors in the world to

help our Woodhaven Sheriff Department.

Speaking of which eclipse morning

radio is of course brought to you by

Liquor Doughnuts.

Liquor Doughnuts,

what more could you ask for?

Where is he?

- I'm right here, genius.

- Chief, I was just about to...

Save your bullshit, Lou.

I could smell you the moment

you pulled into the station.

F*ck!

Tina should have been off

night watch, what, 2 hours ago?

Get an update from her.

- What's up his ass?

- They hit Munro's gas station last night.

- Who?

- P.D's.

Sergeant Tina Wash.

- Hey, this is Willie Higens.

- Willie. You again.

Yeah ah.

Slow down.

Okay.

I got it.

Disturbance call.

Your boyfriend Willie Higens.

You think you can get this one?

Willie!

- What is it this time?

- Shhhh.

Won't you come around back?

Officer.

Let me show you.

- Please tell me this is Bigfoot sex tape.

- No.

Do you believe in the occult, Lou?

Because I think I know

what's been happening

to all the missing

pets around town.

Jesus Christ?

Teenagers.

They've been sacrificing them to Satan.

God knows why, I don't know. I assume

they've doing some kinky sexual stuff.

But they've been creeping around

in the bushes out back all week.

I'm here in the woods.

I know this is dark,

I mean come along.

- Look! Here!

- There's the mark of the beast.

Proof.

So I'm going to give you an AK-47,

I'm going to take an M-16.

- We're going to fire on those kids...

- Have anything in heavy metal?

Like lead... mercury?

- No.

- Oh my God.

Been a slice.

But I have other police work to do.

This is real, Lou. You gonna see

an eye when I do is citizen arrest

on a teenager with a f*cking shotgun.

Remember what happened to

the boy that cried wolf, Willie.

Nothing happened to him.

But that town's flock was f*cked.

Town's flock was f*cked.

Lou, come in.

You there? Over.

Go ahead.

How did that thing go with Higens?

Ah, a bunch of kids

partying in the woods.

Following up a possible lead now.

Your usual.

Stocking up for the Drink n Shoot?

Thanks to our forefathers, in two days,

this bar will be full of drunk hunters.

That's what we need. Bunch of

drunks with guns running around.

Very funny. I'll have you know

I haven't fired mine in years.

Are you sure you

still know how to use it?

Jess, whiskey for my boys

and water for my horses.

Deputy.

Keeping the streets safe I see.

Come on.

Beat it!

It's time for a change, Woodhaven.

It's time to take on those who run

this town with the drugs and corruption.

Our local law enforcement has done nothing

for generations, and Mayor Bradley,

she's more concerned with selling

this town than with running it.

It's time we clean up Woodhaven,

and a vote for Wallace

is a vote for change.

Vote for Wallace!

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