Wife Vs. Secretary


- Good morning, Patrick.

- You said it, Mendel.

You haven't wakened Mr. Simpson, yet?

Their breakfast's on the hot plate.

Come in.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Simpson.

- Taggart, you're late.

- I know, Mr. Simpson. My alarm clock.

- Get a new one.

You might have known

I'd have a full day today.

- Who won the boxing match, last night?

- Rosenblatt, in the third round.

Oh, what a pity.

Now I owe Finney $3.

Come in.

- I'm very sorry, Mr. Stanhope.

- Simpson, you're late.

Yes, sir.

Most careless of me,

and on the first morning

- after your vacation, too.

- Oh, forget it.

- Say, who won the fight?

- Rosenblatt, in the third round.

He did? I owe Finney a night off.

Well, with your night off and my $3,

Finney should do very well, sir.

You, too, eh?

- Maybe we should get rid of Finney.

- The paper, sir?

Oh, yes. Now, what about the trout?

Do we have them for breakfast?

Yes, sir. They're all prepared,

just as you ordered, sir. And we...

Walls have ear trumpets.

- Who do you think this is?

- Simpson.


Try again.



Try again.

I give up.

- Surprised?

- A husband.

- Yes.

- How nice.

How did you sleep

after that man disappeared?

- Deep, deep, deep.

- He hated to go.

I don't remember him being asked to go.

Didn't you hear him chanting,

as he went out the door?


Thank you for a lovely evening

My friends!

- And I caught every one of them.

- You did not.

That big one's mine.

I caught him on a Parmacheene Belle,

and you know it.

I do not. He's mine.

I caught him on a Professor.

I remember taking that Professor

out of my hat and saying,

"Prof, old boy,

if you don't come through..."

Jake, he's mine.

Remember, I changed from

a Silver Donkey to a Parmacheene.

Yes, yes, I guess you're right.

Parmacheene did it.

- You through with your orange juice?

- Yes.

Oh, he's too much.

Well, you claimed him, you eat him.

Stop the beefing.

Well, I guess I can at that.

Jake, what day is today?

Monday, November 8th.

I'm having some people in tonight,

so don't be late.

Don't you want to know who they are?

Whom are you having in?

The Merritts, the Carstairs, Raoul

- and Battleship.

- Did you hear?

Battleship took the count

in the third last night.

- Rosenblatt got in a lucky punch, I guess.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

But he wouldn't miss one of your parties.

- Then there'll be Vivian and Sylvia...

- Hey, that's quite a party. What's the idea?

Jake, don't you know what day this is?

- Oh, it's our wedding anniversary.

- Yes, darling.

Seems like only yesterday, doesn't it?

You better eat that fish

while it's got a fever.


All right.



Don't you ever ask me to go whale fishing.

Well, before I look again...

Hey, hey, stop.

Stop, please. I'll go quietly, Officer.

I don't know a thing about it.

No, no, I was just standing here...

Did you tell Mr. Stanhope

that Finney is waiting with the car?

Yes, but she's sitting on his lap,

and he hasn't even touched his trout yet.

Whether Mr. Stanhope

touches his trout or not,

- is no concern of yours.

- I know...

Ellen, as you may have gathered,

this is Mr. Stanhope.

- Hello, Ellen. Welcome to the institution.

- Thank you, sir.

What's to prevent me

from thinking about you all day?

- Wild horses.

- What?

- Glad to be home?

- Sure, I am.

Say, that Ellen's a cute dish.

Yes. I'll fix it up for you.

Fat chance, with this one in the building.


Good morning, Mr. Stanhope.

Glad to see you back.

Glad to be back, Sam.

Good morning, Mr. Stanhope.

Glad to see you back.

Good morning, Mr...

No, no, no, don't tell me, don't tell me.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Wife Vs. Secretary" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 20 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/wife_vs._secretary_23457>.

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