Who's Your Daddy?

Ready? Ok.

Be agressive!

Be agressive!

Oh Chris, show me your spirit dick.

- I love your pampams, baby.

You're my number 1.

You like that?

- Oh yes.

Oh yes.

You score like a quarterback.

- Yea, I know baby.. I just.. yea, right there.

Easy baby, watch the face.

It's not big jerky.

Pigs in a blanket, baby?

- Uh yeah mama, stick that pig in the blanket.

You want the little piggies in the blanky?

Suck my big fat hog.

Chris dear, were you dreaming about

breakfast?

Oh sweetie, you're boiling up with sweat.

Your sheets are soaking wet.

Oh honey.

- Mother!

Mom, look, a big giant spider!

A spider?

Honey, I don't see anything over there.

Chris, are you okay?

Your penis is purple.

Mom, you can't look at that.

Sweetheart, please, I'm your mother.

I've seen your penis plenty of times.

Ofcourse I've never seen it so lumpy

and purple.

Maybe you broke it when you fell out of bed.

I think I should call somebody.

Mom, leave. I didn't break anything. I think

I would know. Just go!

I can't just leave, you've broken your mister

penis puppet. Now let mommy look at it again.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

What in tarnation are those red bumps

on your back?

O Jesus, please strike me with lightning.

What's up with the retard?

Your brother may have broken his penis.

- No way!

Ok, everyone out.

Dude, you totally spooched instant pudding in your

own bed. And you're still sporting Maj. Wood.

Now at the bat, Mark McGuire..

McGuire..

I will kill you. If not today, I will hunt you

down, you'll be very much dead. Mom!

This is unbelievable. I don't even know who

to tell first. Thank God for E- mail.

Danny, leave him alone.

He's not well. Let's go.

Honey, what's "spooched"?

Oh, man..

Sorry about that!

Buster, you bad dog, you.

Have a nice day.

Young man..

Young man! You planning on taking the

motorcycle this morning?

Are you? Yes or no!

- Yes sir, but it's..

Helmet! No but's about it!

It's for your own safety, dear.

Hundreds of thousands of people here cracked

their skulls like mellons riding motorcycles.

Your mother's right.

The statistics don't lie.

Helmet, or no motorcycle.

End of discussion.

Hey, looking good baby!

You're gonna have to beat the girls

off you with a stick.

Nice helmet, loser!

Get a life!

Nerd!

Nice scooter, sissy.

Come on guys, come on.

Citizen needs a rest, ok?

Are you okay, little fella?

Don't touch me!

Watch the face!

No, not there!

Hughes, you're late.

- No, I finished it last night, ok?

Oh, well, that line was yesterday at 5 o'clock,

not last night.

I'm sorry, I meant to call you.

I was working late at the store.

Hughes, you are the best writer on my staff.

Next to me. I mean, your attention to

detail is amperaveled in high school journalism.

But if you want to be a reporter.. No, if that

is what you want, above all else in this world..

It is all about dead lines and dedication.

If I ever make out as a senior, and find myself writing for a paper, rather

than for anyone, I'm sure this little peptark will have additional meaning.

Late, look, no. I have a paper to write, ok?

I have a circulation department that counts on me

to deliver them the goods, day in, day out.

If I deveate just once, the entire ecosystem

collapses..

Ok, it's not a job. Beeing the editor of Xenia

Porcupine Harold is an extra-collicular activity.

You know, you should line up and start having

some fun.

Are you ok?

- Yeah.

I should've seen that coming.

Eight graders are getting pretty consistant.

Ok, well, moving on.

I was wondering if you would...

if we went to the Spring Fling?

Spring Fling?

- Together.

Not like as a date or anything.

No, we could do double-coverage there.

Who's wearing what, who's dating who..

Spring Fling..

I was already planning to ask someone..

As a date.

But thanks, I'm sure it would've been fun.

Hey, no problem.

I assumed that you were solo, so..

No, this will actually work out much better for me,

because I am terrible at picking out..

Ok, well.. good chat.

I think I'm gonna vomit again.

- What happened to you?

Erin happened. I did everything you told me

to.

I stood tall, shoulders back, buff my package,

and in she walks.

A vision! I'm feeling the vibe, I get ready to

ask her to the big dance, then BAM..

I vomited what I ate two nights ago.

- I get it. Did you puke on her?

No, I think I hid it from her really well.

I turned and I pretended I was gonna cough,

and I cough in my hand, just since I was

going to the bathroom.

Most of it.. She probably just thought I

was nervous or something, you know..

Shy..

Good morning, girls.

That's the one that totally threw up all over

himself infront of Erin.

Afterwards, she started to cry and had to

go home sick.

You can still smell it on him.

What about you? Today's the big day.

Brittany van Horn..

I don't think I can go through with this.

- Shut your mouth. Brittany has a major ass.

Three different guys in colleges have proposed

marriage to her. They're doctors, they know good ass.

I'm afraid to ask her to the dance.

- Afraid of what? That she might laugh at your face?

That the other popular kids might mock and criticise

you, like that spooky girl with warts last year?

Guys like us are immune to those

daily rituals.

Brittany.

Chris...

Oh no.. no, not here.

Not now, please no.. not here!

- Take me now, Chris.

Grandma's naked.. wrinkly.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes