White Men Can't Jump

Synopsis: Billy and Sydney think they're the best basketball hustlers in town, so when they join forces, nothing can stop them, except each other. To add to their problems, Billy owes money and is being chased by a pair of gangster types.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Sport
Director(s): Ron Shelton
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
  4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.7
Rotten Tomatoes:
77%
R
Year:
1992
115 min
3,039 Views


You keep asking me

what I am.

Don't you know

I'm Presbyterian?

Presbyterian?

That's the worst thing

a jazz singer can be.

Presbyterians are called

God's frozen people.

Wouldn't swing

if you hung them.

Just a closer

walk with Thee

De de de

boom boom

Grant it, Jesus

if you please

Boom de boom

boom boom

Daily walkin'

close with Thee

Let it be, dear Lord

Let it be

I am weak

but Thou art strong

Jesus, keep us

from all wrong

I'll be satisfied

as long

As I walk

Let me walk

close to Thee

Just a closer

walk with Thee

Say, grant it

Jesus, if you please

Daily walkin'

close with Thee

Let it be

dear Lord

Let it be

Say, I am weak

but Thou art strong

Jesus, keep us

from all wrong

I'll be satisfied

as long

As I walk, dear Lord

close to Thee

Boo boo doo

boo doo doo

...A closer walk

with Thee

Buh do doobie

Grant it, Jesus,

if you please

Doobie

Buh doobie do

Daily walkin'

close with Thee

Let it be

Dear Lord

Doobie doobie

doobie doobie

Let it be

Ba doo la

do da da

Boo doo doo

doo dee aaah

Ha ha!

Whoo!

Oh, yeah!

Hey, guys, is this

the Venice Beach courts?

You haven't put anything

in the offering plate.

Oh! Sorry, man.

50 be all right?

I'm just kidding.

Here you go.

I told you

he's generous.

Is this where

Eddie "The King" Faroo

and Duck Johnson played?

King and Duck

were the best.

That's 'cause

you never saw me.

Keep singing, guys.

My old man

was a preacher.

I love this sh*t.

He put a dollar in.

We give him

a dollar's worth.

Oooh, ooh, ooh

Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh,

ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

All right!

Don't worry

about it.

Pass it to

the little man.

Let the little man

get the ball.

Take it

to the hole, man!

Let's go!

Get... get... get up!

Look at that.

It's all right.

Walter, throw that

big fat butt at me.

I'm getting tired

of making you look bad.

It's hard work.

I'm fittin'

to dog you, punk.

I'm fitting

to dog you.

Let me shut him up.

Give me the ball!

If you shoot it,

I'll knock it out

the f***ing sky.

Can't take it

to the hole

because you ain't

good enough.

You think so?

Get some of this.

Ball!

You can't

even dribble!

Bring it! Bring it!

Get that sh*t

out of here!

Ooh! Ooh!

Oh! Unh!

That sh*t went out

like a Scud missile!

Oh, it hurts!

It hurts so bad!

Hey, babies, I don't

mean to brag,

but I'm

the greatest!

I am the greatest!

You all right, man?

Yeah.

Well,

get your butt up.

Take your Colt-45

drinkin' ass off someplace.

Aahh!

Yes, Walter!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Hard goddamn work,

making you look so bad.

Man, you fouled me!

Foul?

Just take the ball out

and shut up.

What's the count?

9-8, us.

Get the f***

out of here!

Junior,

if you could count,

you'd be

a f***ing astronaut.

George, your mother's

an astronaut.

He talked about

your mama, man.

He playing you

for a punk.

I wouldn't

take it, man.

My mother

ain't no astronaut.

Say it! Say it!

Your mother

ain't no astronaut,

your father

ain't no astronaut.

Well, my mama

ain't no astronaut.

Jump his ass, man.

Me saying that

your mother's an astronaut

is just another

way of saying

that you're

all f***ed-up.

Well, let's just

get off mamas,

'cause I just

got off yours.

Ow!

Keep my mama out

of this, brother.

She's out.

Cool.

She's out.

Cool!

She's out.

What time you want me

to bring the b*tch back?

Yo! What's the score?

9-8, us.

We can't lose to you!

If we lose to you,

I'm gonna kill myself.

F*** you,

skinny boy!

F*** this,

you potato-sandwich-eatin' motherf***er!

F*** this!

Shut up!

You're giving me

Excedrin number f***in' trillion headache!

Hey, man,

what's the score?

Chump!

I'm talking to you.

What, you deaf?

I'm talking to

the f***ing air.

My name ain't chump.

It's Billy Hoyle.

Billy Hoyle?

Billy Hoyle.

OK, Billy,

can you count

to 10, Billy?

Yeah.

Good.

What's the

score, Billy?

I don't know.

Then you're a chump.

I may be a chump,

but it's not my name.

He put your ass in!

F*** you.

Let's go!

8-8, your ball.

9-8, your ball.

I don't want

no excuses.

I called it even.

You better

call a doctor!

It's your ball!

Sidney!

Your woman

calling you, man.

Sidney!

Your woman

calling you, man.

At least

I got one.

I seen your mother

kicking a can down the street.

I said, "What you doin'?"

She said, "Movin'."

Your mama's so old,

she drove chariots

to school.

Your mama's so fat,

she broke her leg

and gravy poured out.

Hey, baby.

Hi, honey.

The check for the groceries

didn't clear,

and I didn't

have any cash.

Sorry.

20 will do?

Mm-hmm, but 30

would be better.

You hustling me?

You're the only one

that gets away with that.

I got things

working over here.

Yo, man,

I got to go.

Daddy's got to go

back to work, man.

Bye.

I told your mama

to act her age,

and the b*tch

dropped dead.

Your mother got a leather wig

with gray sideburns.

Save your breath, man.

You need all the energy

you can get.

Let's go.

I can't run, man.

What?

My bunions hurt.

Get somebody

to step in for me.

That's all right.

You're still my hero.

That's it, baby.

Can anybody stand in

for Mr. Handicap here,

for Mr. Motherfucking

March of Dimes?

Hey, look.

Take Billy Ho here.

No, man.

I don't want him.

He might be good.

I don't want

to go with it. No.

Why not?

'Cause I'm white.

No difference.

You could bring

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Ron Shelton

Ron Shelton (September 15, 1945 in Whittier, California) is an American Oscar-nominated film director and screenwriter. Shelton is known for the many films he has made about sports. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "White Men Can't Jump" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/white_men_can't_jump_23393>.

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