Whip It

Five minutes, my little lambs.

Has anyone seen Bliss Cavendar?

Pash, this can't be happening.

Why aren't you backstage, Brooke?

You know how it is.

They get to a certain age,

they don't want you back there.

She said she'll meet me here.

Really? That's odd.

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

PASH:
It says "temporary. "

lt did a minute ago, I swear.

My mom is gonna kill me.

(APPLAUSE)

(PIANO PLAYING)

EMCEE:
Now, Miss Amber Black.

If I could have dinner with

anyone, it would have to be God.

Because what they say

is true. God is great.

(APPLAUSE)

Don't tell them that I did it, okay?

Those are the rules,

you're not allowed to tell.

(EXCLAIMING)

Let go. I'm your only friend.

Corbi Booth, ladies and gentlemen.

If I could have dinner with anyone,

it would have to be my grandfather.

l love you, Papa.

(APPLAUSE)

And now, also from Bodeen,

Miss Bliss Cavendar.

(PIANO PLAYING)

(PIANO STOPS)

If I could have dinner with anyone,

it would be Amelia Earhart,

because not only was she

a pioneer of aviation,

but she was a great woman in history.

Thank you.

(PIANO PLAYING)

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

So enlighten me. What was

that little stunt all about?

Are you trying to sabotage your chances?

Or was it just your biological urge to

make your mother look like a jackass?

lt was just a dare.

Oh. How did that work out for you?

Not so great?

(EXCLAIMS) Corbi.

Congratulations, honey. Well-deserved.

Thank you. Thumbs way up.

Thank you, Mrs. Cavendar.

Bliss is so hard to beat. Usually.

Well, the Blue Bonnet pageant

is right around the corner.

And we'll be there. Come on, honey.

Oh. See you later. See you.

I'm sorry that these pageants

don't live up to your high

moral standards, Bliss,

but there's a lot you

can learn from them,

no matter what you go on to be in life.

You think you're being

judged up there on that stage,

but no one's asking

you to be Miss America.

I wanna be Miss America.

And you're gonna be the

best one ever, sweetheart.

Teeth.

Eyes.

Trudy, bless your

heart for fitting us in.

Well, hell. Sh*t happens.

Let me get my foils.

BROOKE:
Now, what were you

thinking, getting blue hair?

ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.. Fourteenth

drive in the red zone.

They have now given up nine touchdowns

and three field goals. We'll

see how this one ends up.

He's only had one

takeaway in the red zone.

Hey.

(LAUGHS)

I won another one.

Lord, child, you are unstoppable.

And had I known what you were up

to, I would have bought a ticket.

BROOKE:
Earl.

I mean, dang it, girl,

what has gotten into you?

Just defective, I guess.

BROOKE:
Nice parenting, Earl.

Come on, now.

Ooh, I'll see you later.

(CHUCKLES)

WOMAN:
Dinner.

Seriously, out of all the

places to go to in the world.

who would come to Bodeen?

PASH:
Them. I mean, they're smart,

at least they just pass through.

BIRDMAN:
Go ahead and mock it.

But without the Blue Bonnet

factory, this town wouldn't exist.

You know what, Birdman,

I think I preferred you

before you got promoted.

You know, now you're all corporate.

l know. I miss the old Birdman. Yeah.

Ladies, don't let the tie

fool you. I'm still one of us.

But y'all are gonna have to

start calling me Dwayne now.

It's more dignified. No.

Birdman is the only thing

you have going for you.

(TRUCK APPROACHING)

That's what you think.

BLISS:
Really?

PASH:
Yeah.

PASH:
Hey.

Make sure they tip you this time.

Hey, what can I get you guys?

Hey, Corbi.

So what are you, like, alternative now?

Alternative to what?

What's the name of that thing that

if I eat it real fast, it's free?

That's the Squealer. You have to

eat it in three minutes or less.

Yeah, you bring me a Squealer.

And I don't mean Corbi.

(LAUGHS)

(SQUEALING)

BOY:
Let's go, buddy, pick

it up. Come on, come on.

Oh, yes. You got it, you got it.

PASH:
I can't believe you

used to share a bed with her.

Baby, baby, get it, yeah.

You make it sound very

dirty. lt was just sleepovers.

Come on. Come on. Baby, do it. Do it.

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Come on. Come on, Colby! Yeah.

That's my man. Come on, Colby.

(ALL CHEERING)

(GRUNTING)

It's free, b*tches.

It's free. It's free.

l was thinking

maybe we could go to

Austin and do some shopping.

Really?

BOTH:
(SINGING WITH RADIO) Teach

them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty

they possess inside

...them a sense of

pride to make it easier

You hate them.

Well, they don't have duct tape

on them. That's an improvement.

Hi.

Thanks.

Ooh!

Pretty vases.

(MALE CLERK LAUGHING)

MALE CLERK:
They're

great for tulips, really.

Um...

Thank you. Yup, I changed my mind.

No, please, Bliss. Come on.

Don't... Don't be embarrassed.

It's funny.

I'm supposed to buy you

shoes from a head shop?

Does that really strike you

as responsible parenting?

Fine. 'Cause shoes are a gateway drug.

For gosh sakes, Bliss.

(PHONE RINGING)

ANNOUNCER ON TV.. lt goes out

of bounds near the 42 yard line.

There is a flag down.

Yeah, it's Earl. BROOKE:Hello. Earl.

Can you please explain to your daughter

why it's inappropriate to

buy shoes in a head shop?

Dad, it's not like that.

(LAUGHING) You took your

mother to a head shop?

Are you off your nut?

You know, if she wasn't

here and I used my own money,

it wouldn't make a difference.

That's not the point.

Look, I am in the middle

of a deal here, okay?

So whatever you all

work out is fine with me.

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