Where the Skin Lies

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1

What are you reading?

- Quantum Computing Algorithms.

- [SAT NAV] Right turn ahead.

- It's Eddy's book.

- Sounds complicated, mate.

- I think I've got it.

- [GIRL] They're cool people.

- [LAUGHTER]

- You so don't have it.

[GIRL] Yes, Mum,

I'll behave myself.

[WOMAN] Mike,

tell us how it's done.

Not a chance. You can

figure it out for yourselves.

Yeah, we're all here.

No, it's not weird.

[SAT NAV] You have reached

your destination.

- [GIRL] Hello? Mum?

- [EDDY] I think this is it.

- Recalculating route.

- [EDDY] Oh, hang on, hang on.

- Please turn around.

- [GIRL] We're breaking up.

- Hello? Hello?

- [EDDY] What the hell?

[GIRL] Mum, if you can still

hear me, I'm hanging up. OK.

Well, I suppose

this is the place.

Looks a bit different

than advertised.

It looks great, Eddy.

[FLIES BUZZ]

[PHONE RINGS]

- Oh, sorry. Are you alright?

- I give up.

[GIRL] Mum, we just talked.

Sorry? What?

Can you repeat that?

Who is this?

- Guys, a hand, please.

- [WOMAN] Yeah, sorry, John!

- It's Jaan.

- [GIRL] I think wrong number.

- Bye.

- [JAAN] Hello?

I'm here.

[JAAN] Thanks, Ray.

Is Ray your real name,

or is it short for something?

- Sunray?

- Moonray?

Stingray.

- Don't you guys know either?

- [RAY] No, not even close.

What, you thought,

she looks like a hippie,

she must have

some silly hippie name?

- [MIKE] Yeah.

- Nah, it's Rainbow.

[MIKE] Oh, so much better.

Not hippie at all.

[WOMAN] Much better.

- [JANN] Cheers, mate.

- [WOMAN] Everything OK, Eddy?

Edward. My name is Edward.

I told you all before.

Only my wife calls me Eddy.

Much to my chagrin.

Ladies first?

- [WOMAN] Edward.

- [JAAN] Watch it.

- Careful, Mike, careful.

- This place is huge!

- No shit, Miss Marple.

- And very... '70s.

- It's vile.

- Yes.

- Yes, it is.

- [DOOR BANGS]

- [EDWARD] Drafty too.

- [RAY] Well, I like it.

Hey, didn't the leaflet say that

this place was accessible to...

Wheelchairs?

Um, I don't know. Did it?

- I don't remember.

- Well, why would you?

But, yeah, I'm sure

it said so in the leaflet.

[EDWARD] Yes, it did,

as a matter of fact.

I think the brochure exaggerated

in quite a few ways.

Exaggerated? It's called lying

where I come from, Eddy.

[MIKE] Right, none of the rooms

down here are suitable for you.

We'll figure it out, mate.

[WOMAN] The kitchen

and living room are up here.

- [MIKE] A bedroom for Jaan?

- [JAAN] And a bathroom?

[WOMAN] Yeah, both.

And there's a terrace.

Wicked. Cheers, Elsie.

Right, let's do this, then.

- Teamwork, right?

- Yeah, absolutely.

Even though only one of us

is putting his back into it.

OK, ready? Two, three.

- Whoa.

- [WOMAN] Careful.

- [JAAN] Hold on!

- [MIKE] No, that's not working.

Oh! I'm sorry. More to explore.

At least you smell nice.

It's alright,

take your time, guys.

- Coming. Sorry.

- That's helpful.

Mate, I tell you what,

I don't care what happens,

you're stuck on this floor

for the rest of the weekend.

- Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot.

- No problem at all.

[ELSIE] There's even more

bedrooms and bathrooms up here.

- Really nice ones, actually.

- Dibs!

Oh, you are so immature.

- Really?

- This way for you.

I can handle a level floor,

you know.

[RAY] And at the far end,

your chambers.

- [THUD]

- Oh, sorry. Let's see.

- I forgot how big this is.

- Well, don't worry.

You'll soon get used

to how big it is, saucepot.

Stop it, Jaan.

I'm sorry.

And here's me thinking that

you're all serious and stuff.

Yeah, well, don't tell anyone.

I thought it would be

a good idea

if we could toast

our weekend together.

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