What Women Want

[Woman] Do you know

the expression ''a man's man'' ?

A man's man

is the leader of the pack.

The kind of man other men

look up to, admire and emulate.

A man's man

is the kind of man who...

[Chuckles] just doesn 't get

what women are about.

Nick, my ex-husband,

is the ultimate man's man.

I probably never

should have married him.

I don't think he understood

a thing about me.

So, this is Nick Marshall's office.

Wanna peek ?

Don't worry.

He never gets in before 10:00.

He'll send you on more errands than

anyone in the entire company...

'cause he can't do

anything for himself.

He's the least politically

correct guy in the universe.

He's the king of all

the T & A ads we do.

You want babes in bikinis ?

He's your man.

My dad ? How can I

best describe him ?

He's always been...

like an uncle to me.

Yeah, Uncle Dad.

Although,

Nick was a charmer.

Completely irresistible

at first,

which feeds into

the whole ''man's man'' thing.

You know about

Nick's mother, right ?

Because once you understand

about Nick's mother,

you understand Nick.

[Woman] Nick was actually

born and raised in Las Vegas.

Nick's mother was a real,

honest-to-God Las Vegas showgirl.

When otherboys were outside

riding their bikes and playing ball,

Nick was backstage

hanging with the girls.

He was their mascot,

their little pet.

They couldn 't get enough

of those baby blues.

- Bang ! Bang !

- [ Laughs ]

lf you ask me, I'd say Nick's

mother just about killed it...

for every woman

Nick would ever meet.

She had a lot of sugardaddies

in her life,

but only one true love--

the boy

with the family jewels.

Let me see that, kid.

And since Nick

didn 't have a father,

his mom made sure he was always

surrounded by strong role models.

- Come here, huh ?

- [ Screams ]

- Men her boy could look up to.

- Now you're ready, huh ?

Keep countin', kid.

There was nothing normal about

the way Nick Marshall was raised.

So, what can you expect ?

You don't have to be Freud

to figure out...

this was one cockeyed way

to enter the world.

[ Groaning ]

Oh !

Don't you ever knock ?

It's almost 10:
00. You gotta go

to work, and I gotta vacuum in here.

And don't forget - Another one

who wears vanilla perfume.

Don't you know any women

who don't want to smell like candy ?

- Toss me my lighter, babe ?

- Babe ?

What am I,

a little pig ?

I don't have time

to make you no onion bagel,

so please do not start

to beg, okay ?

And for the record, l don't like

finding these things in your sofa.

What kind of woman

wears underwear like this ?

Hey, my mother wore

underwear like that.

Just put them somewhere,

will you, babe ?

Well, ''babe'' is gonna put it

in the trash where it belongs.

- So, your mother should excuse me.

- [ Sighs ]

Did you ever consider dating

a woman who wears real underwear?

The kind that covers the entire

bottom the way it's supposed to ?

- No. But if I do, should I call ?

- Oh !

I'm gonna go clean

the kitchen.

You couldn't toast me

a little bagel, could you ?

Light cream cheese, tomatoes.

Capers if we have any.

Please! Come on.

l can't think on an empty stomach.

Okay. Allright. But only because

you didn 't call me that pig name.

Okay, you got it, babe.

Mr. Marshall,

how are you doing today ?

- I'm fit as a dancing bear.

- I'll get that cab for you.

- [ Whistles ]

- That's some set of pipes you got.

- You have an excellent day, sir.

- And you.

At ease.

- [ Gasps ]

- Oh, oh, I'm so sorry !

I absolutely

did not mean to do that.

- Here. Let me get that for you.

- It's okay.

No, I'm mortified.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)