What's New Pussycat

Synopsis: Michael James, a notorious womanizer, desperately wants to be faithful to his fiancée Carole, but runs into serious problems since every woman he meets seems to fall in love with him. His psychoanalyst Dr. Fassbender can't help him either since he's busy courting one of his patients who in turn longs for Michael. A catastrophe appears on the horizon as all the characters check into the Chateau Chantelle hotel for the weekend not knowing of each other's presence.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Clive Donner
Production: United Artists
  Nominated for 1 Oscar. Another 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
108 min

# What's new, pussycat?


# What's new, pussycat?


# Pussycat, pussycat

# I've got flowers

and lots of hours to spend with you

# So go and powder

your cute little pussycat nose

# Pussycat, pussycat, I love you

# Yes, I do

# You and your pussycat nose

# What's new, pussycat?


# What's new, pussycat?


# Pussycat, pussycat

# You're delicious

and if my wishes can all come true

# I'll soon be kissing

your sweet little pussycat lips

# Pussycat, pussycat, I love you

# Yes, I do

# You and your pussycat lips

# Whoa-o-o

# You and your pussycat eyes

# Whoa-o-o

# You and your pussycat nose

- Who is she?

- Get into the kitchen!

- Adulterer!

- You're a monster!

Swine! Who is she?

Anna! I have told you never

to bother me here at work!

Who is she?

We have been through all that.

Get into the kitchen!

- Why didn't you come home?

- Leave me alone, I'm trying to work.

- Is she prettier than me?

- Is she prettier than you?

- I am prettier than you!

- Oh! No!

- Lipstick on your shirt!

- Well, nobody's perfect.

- I know she's not the first!


I hate you!

I hate you!

I've hated you from the moment

I first married you.

- You're a grotesque!

- Lascivious adulterer!

Don't you dare call me that again

until I have looked it up!

Adulterer! Adulterer!

Lascivious adulterer!

Silence when you're shouting at me!

Lascivious adulterer. Lasciv...

"Lascivious adulterer is a man

that is a lascivious adulterer."

What kind of book is that? You are

a monster and a monster, in that order.

Fritz plays around with the floozies!

Swine! Get out of my office!

I'll break every bone in your ox's body.


Do you realise I could slay you

any moment I like?

- Pig!

- Using the great Burt's judo method.

Argh... Agh.

- Ooh!

- Argh!

Get out of here.

We'll finish this later.

Don't be a bit surprised if I take

the children and leave for good.

That great, rotten, stinking hulk of...

Rotten, rotten, rotten pig!

Fat, great, stinking rotten... I hate you!

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Good afternoon. Am I late?

No, as a matter of fact

you are just on time.

Come, come. Make yourself

nice and comfortable. We will begin.

Women have always been

a big problem to me, Dr Fassbender.

- Are you listening, Doctor?

- Yes, yes, yes. Go on, go on, go on.

The first woman I had a crush on

was my schoolteacher.

- Miss Marks.

- That's a perfectly normal occurrence.

Did you read the essay I wrote

on my summer holidays?

Yes, I did. I thought it was

the most moving piece I'd ever read.

I hope you noticed

I dedicated it to you, Miss Marks.

Call me Tandalaya.

Oh, Michael, this can't work.

I'm 34 and you're 12.

Don't be negative.

Oh, Michael.

Michael, what's to become of us?

And what did become?

She lost her licence and I failed English.

Can I tell you what

I once did in a Latvian brothel?

- Later.

- Oh.

My second experience with a woman

was no picnic either. It was at high school.

What did I do? What did I do? What

did I do? Someone tell me what I did.

What did I do? Tell me what I did.

Jenny! Will you tell me what I did?

Will you tell me, please, what I did?

What am I supposed to have done?

What have I done?

It's no use looking like the Day

of Judgment unless you tell me. Tell me!

- And did you do it?

- I was untutored in these matters.

And women have always

overcome my basic shyness.

But you had a perfectly normal

sexual life at college?

Normal? It was frightening.

I was captain of the debating team,

do you see?

I was competing for the interscholastic

championship by debating a Miss Pringle

on the effects of socialised medicine

on the British economy.

- And what happened?

- I convinced her.

Love is not to be found,

is not to be taken.

It is to be given.

You may despise simple faith.

But what is simple faith but healing?

Abandon notions of socialised medicine.

What is it?

Medicine does not belong

to the Hypocritic oath... Oh!

And when did all this come to an end?

It didn't come to an end.

That's the point.

My job is a lecher's dream.

Feature editor for

a big fashion magazine in Paris.

The receptionist is beautiful.

- Good morning, Mr James.

- Good morning.

The copywriters are beautiful.

Bonjour, Monsieur James.

- Bonjour, Monsieur James.

- Bonjour.

The secretaries are beautiful.

And the models!

- What about the models?

- Oh, my gawd.

- Good morning, Mr James.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Mr James.

Oh, hello, Gladys.

Can you imagine what it feels like

to be in close contact every day

with the worid's most gorgeous women?

And what can I do?

I can't say no.

And why should I say no?

I love it, do you hear?

I love every second of it.

That's how it's always been with me.

A little pleasure, a little pain,

but always back to the ladies.

So what is your problem?

Carole. I met her at a language school.

She wants to get married

and I'm afraid to commit myself.

- Do you love her?

- Oh, surely.


But you are afraid to marry her because

you are not ready to give up other women.

Quite right.

Then why don't you marry her and cheat?

That's exactly what I want to avoid.

That's why I came to you.

I respect her too much

to do anything like that.

I think that, with you, sex is a sport,ja?

Oh, yes. I love the... the smell of perfume,

and the thrill of the chase

and the moment of conquest.

- I like thighs. Do you like thighs?

- Mm.

Look, I know you'll

think this is crazy, but...

when the light hits me

in a certain direction, I'm... handsome.


Listen, I'll see you next Friday.

I've got phone calls to make.

I've only been here 15 minutes.

I can't take more than 15 minutes

of your sex life at one time.

Look, why don't you come

to some of my group analysis meetings?

Maybe if there's other people around

it's going to be easier for both of us.

Hello, Zsa Zsa? This is Fritz.

How are you, my little flesh pudding?

Hold on.

Listen, you'll like this group analysis.

It's a real freak show.

If it gets dull, we sing songs.


Do you think it'll help?

I'll do anything to achieve Carole.

Well, if it fails we will try something else.

I use all kinds of unorthodox methods.

For example, I have had great success

shutting people in dark closets.


See you at the next meeting.

Bring with you 500 francs.

Hello, my little laxative.

This is baby Fritzy here.

He must be a genius.


Oh, Victor!

- Michael James, Tempest O'Brien.

- How do you do?

- She adores me.

- He's cheating because I won last night.

Strip chess. She had me down to

my shorts and I fainted from tensin.

I want a drink.

- Absinthe.

- Coffee.

Mineral water.

- How's Carole?

- Did you find a job?

I got something at the striptease.

I help the giris dress and undress.

- Nice job.

- 20 francs a week.

- Not very much.

- It's all I can afford.

How's Carole?

It's funny. When the light hits you

a certain way you're so handsome.

Rate this script:3.3 / 3 votes

Woody Allen

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, and playwright, whose career spans more than six decades. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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