Wee Willie Winkie

But, Mommy, if we're in India...

where are all the Indians?

They're not the same kind of Indians

we have in America, darling.

What kind are they then?

These are the real Indians.

The ones back home

were called Indians by mistake...

because...

when Christopher Columbus discovered

America, he thought it was India.

Then is Grandfather an Indian?

No, dear. He's an Englishman,

a colonel in the army.

You know that.

Then why doesn't he live in England?

Because Queen Victoria

transferred him here.

Will we live

right in Grandfather's house?

Why, of course.

Then we won't have to worry anymore

about the butcher and the grocer man?

No, darling.

Too bad we didn't get acquainted

with Grandfather sooner.

Look, Mommy! Look!

There's an elephant!

Are we gonna ride

the rest of the way on an elephant?

Oh, no, dear. I hope not.

Now, no more questions.

- Mrs. Williams?

- Yes.

This is Sergeant MacDuff

of the 7 th Highlanders.

Mommy, why does he wear

that funny little petticoat?

[Mrs. Williams]

Hush, dear.

Colonel Williams

sent me to meet you, ma'am.

- Thank you.

- Will you come this way, ma'am?

- There you are, missy.

- Oh, my baggage.

I have a trunk, two hat boxes-

Oh, and my mandolin.

Mandolin?

You better come with me

to identify them, ma'am.

- Can I come too?

- No, dear. You wait here.

Excuse me, sir, please, mister...

but is this where

the circuses come from?

Yes, Missy Baba. Very hot day.

Uh-

Hey, mister! You dropped this!

- Priscilla?

- Where's Missy Baba?

- Yes.

- Priscilla!

- Priscilla!

- Hey, mister, you dropped your necklace.

Hey, wait a minute.

Our rifles- Lee-Metfords.

- Where's the thieving

Pathan you got 'em from?

- Khoda Khan.

- Khoda Khan?

- Caught him, Sergeant.

Huh. Wait until the colonel

hears about this.

Take him to headquarters!

Better follow me, ma'am.

But what's a talisman used for,

Mommy?

It's a sort of sacred charm, dear.

Keep it, lassie,

and hang it round your neck.

Then they say no harm can befall ya.

Will harm befall him- that man Khoda Khan-

now that he hasn't got it anymore?

Oh, plenty of harm.

Don't fret your little heart.

That's a bad, bad character,

Khoda Khan.

Like the robbers in your fairy book.

Like

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves?

Yes. Now, no more questions,

Priscilla.

Are there many ladies living

at the army post, Sergeant?

Not many ladies, ma'am. It's a difficult

place to live, even for a soldier.

Mr. MacDuff, is a sergeant

higher than a colonel?

Not this side of paradise.

Your grandfather's the commanding

officer of the whole caboodle here.

Is my grandfather nice?

Well, uh...

I can't say that he's exactly nice...

but, uh, he's a grand soldier...

[Clears Throat]

And I have every respect for him.

The-The men call him "Old Boots. "

- Old Boots?

- Why do they call him that?

Well, because he still sleeps in his boots

like he used to do in the old days...

when a man had to be ready

for emergencies, day or night.

- Sergeant MacDuff-

- Priscilla!

Mommy, I just want to ask

Sergeant MacDuff one more question.

How do you keep the mosquitoes

from biting your knees?

Mohammet Dihn!

Blasted parlor maid. Dihn!

Yes. Them women is here.

Fetch the luggage.

Is that Grandfather?

Mohammet Dihn! Luggage.

Come on! Luggage, luggage!

Grandfather?

Bagby.

Fetch the luggage.

Will you sit down, ma'am?

Look.

And I presume you have no recollection

of riding across the parade grounds...

like a blasted maniac, on a buffalo!

- Oh, was it a buffalo?

- Bah!

I've told you before, Brandes...

your antic behavior,

your irresponsible attitude...

is conduct unbecoming an officer.

Sets a bad example to the other men.

This is not Mayfair

or a tea party on the Thames.

You're on probation, Brandes.

All privileges revoked for 30 days.

Dismissed!

I'll, uh- I'll tell him you're here.

Hello.

Is my grandfather

always mad like that?

Your grandfather?

Oh, not always.

Only when he's disobeyed or-

or thinks he's disobeyed.

How do you do?

- The ladies are here, sir.

- Oh. Splendid.

Good man. Thank you.

Splendid.

Uh, I must see them, I suppose.

I must report, sir, that Khoda Khan

was arrested in Raj Pore today, sir.

What? Khoda Khan himself?

Caught red-handed, sir,

with a dozen of our rifles.

- Must've been hiding them in Raj Pore.

- Bah!

Of all the thieving Pathans, why must they

arrest the biggest blackguard of the lot?

- It looks bad, sir.

- Bad?

Having Khoda Khan under lock and key

is like holding a tiger by the tail.

- I'm sorry, sir.

- Sorry! The whole hill

country will be up in arms!

- I think- I think I'm gonna call you Coppy.

- Coppy?

- Priscilla!

- But why?

Because of your hair.

It's like a shiny, new copper penny.

I imagine it is pretty awful.

I like it! Don't you, Mommy?

Well, yes, of course.

Might I ask, are you here on a visit?

- No, we expect to stay.

- Oh.

Did you really ride the buffalo?

Why, yes, I- I-

- What was it like?

- Well, riding a buffalo is like-

Didn't you ever ride a buffalo?

- Come on. Climb on, and I'll show you how.

- Oh, no. I don't think she'd-

- Hold tight. Whee!

- Oh, Priscilla!

Mrs. Williams?

- Joyce, Father.

- Oh, y-yes, yes.

I, uh- I trust, uh-

I trust you had

a comfortable journey.

- Yes. Thank you.

- Ah.

What the deuce is all this?

That must be Grandfather.

This is Priscilla.

- Oh.

- How do you do, Grandfather?

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