Weather Girl

- Da, da - Da, da!

[Slow instrumental music]

- [Sniffling]

- One minute, people.

- I still have to do touch-ups

on Sylvia.

- What are you telling me for?

Where the hell is Sylvia?

- Hi, Iowa.

How now, brown cow.

- Hey, Dale?

- Yeah, yeah.

How's it going, Josh?

- It's okay.

It's okay.

Look, Dale,

Sylvia seems to be M.I.A.

- Well,

that's not very professional.

- No, no, it's not.

- Damn unprofessional,

if you ask me.

- And I agree.

Any idea where she may be?

- Now, how would I know that,

Josh, hmm?

I'm not my weather girl's

keeper, right?

Right?

- Yeah, it's just that

we're on in about 25 seconds,

And I know

you and she are close.

So if you have any idea

where she may be...

- Josh, my personal life

is my business.

Are we clear on that?

[Chuckles]

Are we?

- Sure.

Mary!

- I'm going now.

[Sighs]

Ms. Miller?

Um, Ms. Miller,

everybody's waiting,

And we're on in 20 seconds.

She's not answering.

I don't really--

I got her.

[Indistinct conversation]

- Jesus Christ, Sylvia.

- Not cool, Syl.

Not cool.

- All right, we got her.

- All right, ten seconds.

- Rolling at her.

[Theme music]

- This is Seattle Morning

With Dale Waters,

Sherry Warren,

And sassy weather girl

Sylvia Miller.

- Count it off.

- Five, four...

- three, two...

- [Laughs]

- [Giggles]

- Oh, what a great morning.

- Oh, not too shabby,

Dale.

- Good morning, Seattle.

And good morning to you,

Sherry.

- Good morning to you, Dale.

- You look great this morning,

Sherry.

- Oh, stop it.

You're making me blush.

- No, seriously.

- Oh.

- You look great, seriously.

Doesn't she look great?

- Come on, you.

- Let's say hello

to our sassy weather girl.

- Mmm.

- Good morning, Sylvia.

- Good morning, Sylvia.

- [Laughs sarcastically]

- Did we lose Sylvia?

- What?

What's going on?

- She's not talking.

- The rain is sure

coming down out there, Sylvia.

How long is it gonna

go on like this?

- Forever, Dale.

This is Seattle.

In case you haven't noticed,

The weather here sucks.

- [Chuckles]

- Well, I think

it's romantic, Dale.

- Go to camera three, please.

- ...A stroll in

the rain with your sweetheart.

- Oh, God, shut up.

Shut up, shut up,

you squeaky little bitch.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't call her

"Our sassy weather girl"

for nothing, folks.

Let's go to a commercial.

- Okay.

- You know what, Dale?

Before we do that,

There is something

that I would like to share

With our viewing audience.

- Well, I don't think that's

such a great idea, Sylvia.

- I don't care what you think,

you arrogant prick.

In fact, why don't you just

sit there

And look stupid.

- [Laughs]

- Whatever you do,

do not cut.

Do not cut.

- So this is a little segment

that I like to call

"Behind the scenes

of Seattle Morning."

- Oh, my God.

- Many of you may not know,

But from the moment

that I started working here,

Our seemingly charming cohost

Dale Waters

Has been all over me

like a cheap suit.

Day after day,

As I stood in front

of this stupid map

Repeatedly trying

to find new adjectives

To describe the word "Rain"...

- what do I do?

- I've been fighting off

the infantile

And often offensive advances

of that guy.

That's right, ladies.

He's grabby.

- Go to Dale.

- But you know,

for a plethora of reasons,

Not the least of which being

I am 35, single,

And, um, yeah,

occasionally lonely,

I gave in to his advances.

And we had several, you know,

What could only be described

as disappointing encounters.

Sorry.

But despite the amateurish sex,

I somehow developed

an attachment

To the walking haircut

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