We'll Never Have Paris

Synopsis: WE'LL NEVER HAVE PARIS is a hilarious, clumsy and at once human account of screwing up on a transcontinental level in a noble effort to win back 'the one.' A romantic comedy.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Production: Orion Releasing
  1 win & 1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min

Like any organ does

as we grow older,

the eye deteriorates and decays.

Whether it is genetic predisposition

Or environmental factors,

we are subject to

losing the gift of sight,

clouding the windows

to our souls, if you will.

Did you know that cataracts

are now responsible

for 48% of world blindness?

Though aging is the primary cause,

there are a wide variety...

Devon, you are just going to

grade papers the whole time?

What? This is my lunch break.

What do you want me?

To do, pray for you?

Your eye is fine, okay.

Just like your teeth aren't getting

Looser, and you did not have foot rot.

Knock on wood.

Oh, okay.

I have to get the rest

of these papers to my TA.

However, I love you.

You are okay.

Love you.

Say hi to the doc for me.

See you after work,

assuming I can still see.

To irreversible loss of vision.


Hey there, pal.

Hi, Dad.

So, what is it this time?

A little redness?

Yeah, just in the left eye. A little

dot's been there for about a week.


Let us go.

Let us just lean forward.

Place your chin on

the plastic piece there.

In addition, look

directly into the light.

Right here.


Oh, by the way,

your mother made some of that.

Egg salad that you love, you

know, with the tarragon,

I brought some in for you.


Well, what do you know?


It's an irritation or a

thinning of the conjunctiva.

It usually found

In elderly people,


people who work outdoors.

You the outdoorsy type now?

I would go with Latino

before outdoorsy.

It could also have something

to do with your nose.

What is wrong with my nose?

Nothing. It is a beautiful nose,

You got the Berman nose.

Only it's, slightly more pronounced

than other noses might be.

How does my nose

size contribute to this?

It's acting as a, kind of,

large reflector, if you will.

Therefore, my nose

is so large that,

What, the reflection

Is burning a hole in my eye?

No, no, no, no, no.

Just the lining of it.

The treatment is

artificial tears

and UV-protection sunglasses.

You are getting

older there, my boy.

Twenty-eight is not old.


It is not really the age

Where it makes any sense.

Nor the race.

All right,

I will get your UV sunglasses.

The women are going to love you.

Dad, I have

A girlfriend for 10 years.

Kidding, I love Devon.

When are you going to propose?

I was about to.

I have Mama's ring.

Now, with this illness...

It is not an illness.

It is a condition.

It is treatable.

Marriage, I mean.

How many times a day do I have?

To put in the artificial tears?

Six to eight.

Alternatively, I could just

Insert some punctual plugs.

- Insert where.

- In your punctual.

In my what?

Tear ducts.

Little, tiny, umbrella-shaped,

silicon plugs

that block out the drainage of

tears, thus, irrigating the eye.

I am a little...

Sit, sit.

Come on, sit down, and sit down.

That is it. Put your

head between your legs.

Your grandmother used to say...

That means, "You only get

one first marriage."

That is inspiring.


If Devon is the one,

Unless there's a piece of coal in

that ring, instead of a diamond,

your sitting on it longer,

Is not doing you any good.

You saw the people

in the waiting room.

They were all you, yesterday.




Aren't you

supposed to be at work?

Impersonating late Miles Davis.

What happened?

No, nothing.

I wanted sir to prize...

To precise...

I wanted to surprise you.


Wait, what did he

say about your eye?

Oh, no, it is fine.

Actually, it put

everything into perspective.

That well, I am finally...

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Simon Helberg

Simon Maxwell Helberg (born December 9, 1980) is an American actor, comedian, and musician. He is best known for his role as Howard Wolowitz in the sitcom The Big Bang Theory (2007–present), for which he won a Critics' Choice Television Award for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series, and as Cosmé McMoon in the film Florence Foster Jenkins (2016), which earned him a Golden Globe Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture. Helberg has appeared on the sketch comedy series MADtv and is also known for his role as Moist in Joss Whedon's web miniseries Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (2008). He has further performed in films such as Old School (2003), Good Night, and Good Luck (2005), Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007) and A Serious Man (2009). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "We'll Never Have Paris" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 1 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/we'll_never_have_paris_23171>.

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