War of the Buttons

(Woman) In Ireland,

I grew up in a tiny village by the sea.

It was here that my best friend, a boy,

was fighting with another boy,

who lived in the next village.

Sounds silly,

but they were always fighting.

Typical boys.

Come on!

Wait, wait, wait for me.

Fellas, hang on!

- (All) Father!

- (Bike bell)

(All talk at once)

Only 1 0p, Father.

(Priest) Get out of it.

(Boy) Let`s try the wharf.

- Morning, Father.

- Marie.

Come on!

Wanna buy some tickets for the draw?

It`s for the hospital in Skibb. The master,

he says you never know the moment.

That`s true enough,

but you`re too late, son,

the Carrickdowse boys

have beaten you to it.

The Carrick boys,

what are you buying off them for,

when your own kids are stuck with them?

We`re loaded up with tickets, son,

you can ask so much of a man

and no more.

Isn`t that the god`s truth?

We`ve more tickets than fish. (Laughs)

Jonjo, they won`t have reached him yet.

- Jonjo!

- We`ll catch him at the bridge.

Thanks for nothing, you mean scabs!

Hoy!

Wait till I talk to your father.

- Jonjo!

- Jonjo!

Jonjo, wait up!

- Jonjo!

- Jonjo, wait up!

- Jonjo!

- Jonjo!

- Jonjo!

- (Beeps horn)

- Jonjo!

- (All talk at once)

Buy some tickets?

Hey, you lot!

- Beat it!

- Get back to Carrick.

You know what that line stands for.

Keep on your own side

and leave our postman alone.

Rubbish, he`s nobody`s postman.

He belongs to everyone.

He`s ours till he leaves Ballydowse.

Yeah, this half of the bridge is ours.

When he`s on your side, you have him,

till then, keep your hands off.

- Yeah, keep your stinkin` hands off.

- What did you say?

Keep your stinkin` hands off.

Whose stinkin` hands?

- Oi!

- Ahh! Leave me alone.

- l`ll tell Fergus, Fergus`ll kill you.

- Fergus isn`t here, is he, you little wanker.

(Shouting)

Help!

Help me!

Get Fergus!

Fergus! Fergus!

Fergus, the Carricks, on the bridge.

They`ve got Little Con.

You wanna go in, eh?

You wanna go for a swim?

No! Help me! Help!

Someone! No! Help!

Help!

And what was that about my hands?

Nothing, nothing!

- (All shouting)

- Here, cut that out.

- Help!

- Hey!

- (Whistles)

- Geronimo.

You lucky little maggot.

Now clear off, tosspot,

run off home to Mammy.

(All laugh and jeer)

(Marie) Too late.

(Fergus) Yeah.

Great!

(Little Con) Con?

(Big Con) What?

(Little Con) What does tosspot mean?

(Big Con) I don`t know. Come on.

Here... Right here.

I know what a pot is.

We all know what a pot is,

and toss.

It`s not the words,

it`s what they mean together that counts.

Come in.

Please, sir, how many swearwords

do you know?

- What makes you think I know any?

- You`re grown-up.

Me daddy knows hundreds.

Well, then,

you best put your problem to him.

(Girl) Hey! Watch it.

Who cares what it means?

It`s how bad it is that matters.

If it`s really bad, we`ve got to

come up with something worse.

- Sir doesn`t even know what it means.

- You never said it to him, did you?

I never said it, not to his face.

- (Bike bell)

- (Priest) Out of the way, boys.

Good work, Little Con.

Gerard.

Do you like lollipops?

See the church?

Go tell the priest... (Whispers)

(Bell)

Now we`ll see

how bad the bloody word is.

(Quietly) Tosspot, tosspot,

tosspot, tosspot.

(Master) Pitiful. Pitiful effort.

(Whispers) Hey, Tim, any sign yet?

Not yet.

(Master) I hope the moment never arrives

for any of you.

Oi! Come back here!

- They`re off!

- (All) They`re off!

Hey! Get back to your seats!

- (Cheering)

- Get back to your seats now!

Oh!

(Priest) l`ll see your mother, you little lout.

On your way now!

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