
W.C. Fields: 6 Short Films
- Year:
- 2000
- 144 Views
Ever since you came down here to | Florida, you've positively ignored me.
- I never saw anything like it. You men are all alike. | - But...
Well, I think you're a naughty, | mean man, to make poor itty me cold.
- I'm not gonna let you go without me. | - Oh, why...
Seen my wife around?
- Huh? | - There.
- So, it's you, is it? | I've been laying for you...
for the last | three or four days,
- Now I'd like to see you. | - Murder!
- You can't do this to me! | - I can't, eh? I'm doin' it.
- You're gonna get in a lot of trouble. | - Help! Help!
- I'd say the same to you, if you take advantage. | - Murder! Help!
Say, can't I leave you | alone for one minute,
without one of these guys | trying to flirt with you?
Huh? Oh.
Now, if any of these birds | annoy you, just let me know.
Yes, hubby dear.
Gee, did you see what he did | to that poor fellow?
Boy, that house detective's | wife is going to get some guy murdered.
She'll flirt with anybody | that wears pants.
Not me, little bright-eyes.
- I'm going to join your party. | - Oh, yeah?
Well, of all the nerve...
Hey, you. Is there a gig by the name | of J. Effington Bellwether...
camping in this joint?
- Mr. Bellwether is out. | - Well, he'll be out like a light...
if he don't come through | with the 40 bucks he owes me...
for taking him out | in me fishing boat.
Why, the chiseler's been | giving me the runaround for me dough!
And I'm gonna take it | out of his hide.
You tell | the big lob that.
Oh, Mr. Bellwether is a guest in this | hotel. I can't deliver any such message.
- But if you care to, leave him a note. | - Well, I've brought me thumb.
Will youse write | it out for me?
Certainly. | Pleasure.
Well, commence, then.
"Dear Mr. Bellwether:
"Listen, you four-flushin' | horse collar.
"If you don't come through | with the jack you owe me,
"I'll knock your | sappy-lookin' block off.
"There ain't no heel | like you...
"gonna put nothin' | over on me...
"without gettin' a knuckle massage.
"Affectionately Yours,
Deep Sea McGurk, alias | the Slaughterhouse Kid. "
Finished. | You know, uh...
- Okay. | - Hey-ho.
Happy days are here... | Hello, Walter.
- How do you do, Mr. Bellwether? | - Any telegrams, cablegrams, radios...
- Televisions... | - Yes, sir. A little note.
A little note? | Oh, thank you, Walter.
Thank you, | my bonny boy.
Hmm. J. Effington Bellwether, | that's me.
Silly little girl.
Ah!
Dangerous things, | those lighters.
I bought one in | Copenhagen one time.
It was a combination | cigar lighter and matchbox.
The matches | were very good.
- Hey, mister! | - Uh, hello little boy. I'm...
- Would you give me a dollar? | - Oh, it's a little girl.
Hello, little girl. | How old are you?
Five years old.
- Five years old! | - Would you give me a dollar to put in my bank?
I'll give you a dollar | to put in your bank...
- If you'll sing me a song. | - Give me the dollar first.
Ah, you're more than five. | Go on, get out of here.
- Aw, come on. Gimme a dollar. | - Come on, scram. Oom-scray. Get away.
I don't care.
I got $50 | in my bank already.
- You have $50 in your bank? | - Yes.
Ah...
Probably has a pin | sticking in her, yes.
Well, well, Mr. Bellwether. | What are you doing down in Florida?
Oh, I was, uh, just | negotiating for a bank.
- That's your little girl? | - I don't know whose little girl it is,
but she's trying to get money out of me.
She's a wonderful | little child, though.
I was just playing | with her silken hair.
- You can lift me up by my hair if you want to. | - Just as silk and beautiful...
"I can lift her up | by her hair if I want to. "
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"W.C. Fields: 6 Short Films" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 9 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/w.c._fields:_6_short_films_22969>.