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Well, I think you're a naughty, | mean man, to make poor itty me cold.
Seen my wife around?
- Huh? | - There.
- So, it's you, is it? | I've been laying for you...
for the last | three or four days,
- Now I'd like to see you. | - Murder!
- You can't do this to me! | - I can't, eh? I'm doin' it.
- You're gonna get in a lot of trouble. | - Help! Help!
- I'd say the same to you, if you take advantage. | - Murder! Help!
Yes, hubby dear.
Gee, did you see what he did | to that poor fellow?
Not me, little bright-eyes.
- I'm going to join your party. | - Oh, yeah?
Well, of all the nerve...
camping in this joint?
- Mr. Bellwether is out. | - Well, he'll be out like a light...
And I'm gonna take it | out of his hide.
You tell | the big lob that.
Certainly. | Pleasure.
Well, commence, then.
"Dear Mr. Bellwether:
"Listen, you four-flushin' | horse collar.
"If you don't come through | with the jack you owe me,
"There ain't no heel | like you...
"gonna put nothin' | over on me...
"without gettin' a knuckle massage.
Finished. | You know, uh...
- Okay. | - Hey-ho.
Happy days are here... | Hello, Walter.
- How do you do, Mr. Bellwether? | - Any telegrams, cablegrams, radios...
- Televisions... | - Yes, sir. A little note.
Thank you, | my bonny boy.
Hmm. J. Effington Bellwether, | that's me.
Silly little girl.
Dangerous things, | those lighters.
The matches | were very good.
Hello, little girl. | How old are you?
Five years old.
I'll give you a dollar | to put in your bank...
- If you'll sing me a song. | - Give me the dollar first.
Ah, you're more than five. | Go on, get out of here.
- Aw, come on. Gimme a dollar. | - Come on, scram. Oom-scray. Get away.
I don't care.
I got $50 | in my bank already.
- You have $50 in your bank? | - Yes.
Probably has a pin | sticking in her, yes.
Well, well, Mr. Bellwether. | What are you doing down in Florida?
Oh, I was, uh, just | negotiating for a bank.
- You can lift me up by my hair if you want to. | - Just as silk and beautiful...
"I can lift her up | by her hair if I want to. "
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Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"W.C. Fields: 6 Short Films" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 29 Oct. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/w.c._fields%3A_6_short_films_22969>.