uwantme2killhim?

---

You will be arrested.

Don't worry. I'll come for you.

I'll get you out of there.

Hi, Mark.

I'm Detective Inspector Sarah Clayton.

Why did you stab your friend?

For the greater good.

How is John dying for the greater good?

I'm a hero.

Come on!

Mine!

Dan, get in!

Through, through, through!

Turn, turn!

Send him through! Go on! Finish that!

Finish!

Ho-ho! Great goal!

Ow! Twat!

Nice shot, Mark.

- Thanks, man.

- No, really. It was good.

Eh up! There's Paki boy.

- What are you looking at?

- Nothing.

Nothing? Nothing?

Ah, come here! Come here!

I'll f***ing chase ya.

- How you doing? You all right?

- Yeah. You?

- You look nice.

- So do you.

- Sorry, guys.

- It's all right, boys.

Watch your f***ing back.

So, here's the thing.

OK, it's called a gap in the market.

You invent something

that no one's thought of before,

like... the internet or

something like that.

Then you start it up,

you watch it f***ing fly

and you just sit back

and count the cash that's rolling in.

- So, what's your idea?

- I don't know. It doesn't matter, does it?

It's just gotta be something no one else

has thought of. That's the important thing.

So, you don't have an idea?

Do you know what I'm gonna do? Mark?

I'm gonna be a model.

Not like catwalk or anything.

No, I'm gonna be in magazines

like FHM or Maxim.

Probably even a porno.

I mean, I'm not bothered which.

You just get your tits out

and someone takes photos.

How hard can it be?

Do you reckon

I'd look good in a magazine? Mark?

I said, do you reckon

I'd look good in a magazine?

Yeah, with some airbrushing.

- Ohh!

- Ohh!

- You're such a...

- What? Such a what? Such a...

- Oh, f***!

- What? Who is it?

It's Frank. My boyfriend.

You what?!

Oh, sh*t!

Zoey, what do you mean your boyfriend?

Are you scared of him?

He's gonna join the army.

He says he wants to kill a raghead.

Says it's his ambition.

I gotta go.

What would you do if I screamed?

What are you on about?

Zoey, please, just don't.

Help!

- Oh, for f***'s sake!

- Call me.

Zoey!

F***!

Zoey!

# Siren of an ambulance comes howling

# Right through the centre of town

and no one blinks an eye...

Zoey! Zoey!

Zoey!

You little f***er! I'll get ya!

# Met her, as the angels parted for her...

F***ing little... You're dead!

I'm gonna get ya, you little git!

# In the path of a lightning bolt

# Everyone I see

just wants to walk with gritted teeth

# But I just stand by

# And I wait my time #

I scored a goal in PE.

Top-right corner. Just put my laces

through it and it was the winner, as well.

The younger generation,

the educational opportunities you've had,

the sky's the limit.

I had an idea for a business today.

If you wanna make some money,

open up a gay bar.

I was in town today.

They're everywhere. Poofs.

Gotta be in it to win it!

You know, you got more chance of being hit

by an asteroid than winning the lottery.

Do you know that?

- Is that right?

- Yep. It's a fact.

Tell her, Mark.

If that's true, then how come

all round the world, every week,

loads of people win the lottery,

but no one ever, ever

gets hit by an asteroid?

- Where are you going?

- Homework.

You know what that is?

It's a tax for idiots.

She's not my girlfriend, though.

I went so long she had an asthma attack!

Wow.

Mark, imagine

I'm leaning forward...

... and I'm whispering in your ear.

Tell me what

you want to do to me.

I wanna be with you.

Do you wanna touch me?

Yeah.

Do you want to taste me?

Yeah.

Are you touching yourself?

Yeah.

I wanna see

you touching yourself.

Tell me what you wanna do to me.

Don't miss it. Don't miss it.

Don't miss it.

- See you later, Mark.

- See you later, mate.

Not today.

My boyfriend's home.

He's in one of his moods.

I'm scared.

F***!

I want you to do something for me.

Anything.

You know my little brother John?

Who?

John Bradley.

He's in your class.

I want you to look after him.

You know I can't.

John's your brother?

Yeah. You know him?

Yeah. Sort of.

Then look after him.

He's getting picked on.

He's kind of weird.

I know. He's really weird.

Do it for me, though.

My boyfriend's coming!

I've gotta go. Do it for me.

Rachel!

Rach, are you still there?

I can't help you if you don't talk to me.

- I can't talk to you.

- Why not?

I'm not allowed to.

Who says you're not allowed to?

- You'll see.

- Really?

What will I see, Mark?

You don't know yet. None of you know.

Will you shut up, please?

- Shut up, d*ckhead! P*ssy!

- Shut up? Me shut up? P*ssy hole!

How do you start a business

if you don't have an idea?

Oh, you're kidding yourself.

Oi, John, you twat!

- I told Frank you tried to rape me.

- What the f*** is wrong with you?

Yep. He says he's gonna do time for me.

He's gonna bury you.

Oh, I'm so scared.

So I want a recap on Elizabeth I.

Elizabeth I, aka the Virgin Queen.

Really? Are we laughing at "virgin"?

Is it still that funny?

Clearly not. All right.

Let's have some bullet points, then.

- Oi, Paki!

- Come on. We did this last week.

You're a terrorist.

And a queer.

- Where are you going?

- I'm his mate.

What? I am. I'm his mate.

Yeah, all right. Very funny. Come on.

You all right, mate?

Hey, your sister's mental, ain't she?

- How would you know?

- We're mates.

- Bollocks!

- Honest!

- I know you're lying.

- No, mate.

I know you're taking the piss.

OK, if I'm lying,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes