Up the River

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[Ship Horn Blooing]

- [Buoy Bell Ringing]

- [Ship Horn Blooing]

Look at this, a roadster.

And the gang promised me a limousine.

- It's piecrust to you, ain't it?

- Shut up, you sap.

We ain't out of danger yet.

It's 10 miles to town. Well, so long.

I hope I never see you again.

- Boy, I hate these country prisons.

- I hate all prisons.

- The food is bad.

- Well, listen. Next time-

There ain't gonna be any next time.

Not for me.

- No? What are you gonna do for a livin'?

- Start a chicken farm.

You can start with 100 eggs,

and by saving the pullets...

at the end of the year

you'll have 10,000 eggs.

- Yeah? Listen. Get out and fix that.

- What's the matter?

- I think we got a flat tire.

- Flat tire?

That's luck for you.

I don't see any flat tire.

No? Well, buy a mirror!

- Hey, there!

- [Alarm Sounding]

? [Marching Band]

[No Audible Dialogue]

- ?? [Ends]

- Friends, we will hear from Brother Dan...

once lost in the sea of sin...

but now safe on the shores of love.

[All]

Praise be! Praise be! Praise be!

Friends, you wouldn't "tink" to look at me

now that I once was as wicked as you.

But, yea, verily, there's no sinner

among you what I can't call "brudder."

You know how I got lost in crime and sin?

Bad company.

But I found the error of my ways.

I found that crime don't pay.

Now I'm happy in the light

and love the whole world.

- [Drum Banging]

- [All] Praise be! Praise be!

Yeah, even the-the depraved

wretch what led me into sin...

even him I love and forgive.

And remember, "brudders,"

crime don't pay.

[Horn Honks]

No, sir.

Crime don't pay.

And verily, I say to you...

even the depraved wr-

louse... what led me into sin...

even him I love and forgive.

And there is a blow of vengeance coming what-

on all sinners what knows no mercy.

There is retribution for all. And there

is "tunderbolts" comin' from the sky...

on your head, unexpected.

And verily I say to you, the wages of sin

is a punch in the jaw, you louse!

[Crowd Shouting]

What are you pinchin' me for?

He's the one that did it!

? [March]

[Man]

Twenty-four, 26...

- 28, 30, 32...

- [Siren Sounds]

34, 36, 38, 40, 42.

[Gate Clinking Open]

Another one?

Hello, Al. Another load?

- Howdy, Joe. Yeah.

- Got another load for you.

[Men Jeering]

- Oh, look at the mug on that guy.

- Look at that pan!

[Jeering Continues]

Say, is there a piccolo player in the crowd?

Why, no, sir.

But I can play a saxophone.

So that's what you're in for.

For three months, I been tryin' to get a piccolo

player, and all they send up is saxophones.

Just a lot of punks.

That's all.

[Man]

Oh, noo that's a shame.

What'd you do, boy,

rob your mama's bank?

Poor kids.

What do you think of that?

- Ain't that a dirty shame?

- Get the pan on this guy.

[Men Jeering]

I been in this jail 40 years...

and the saps they send up here

gets worse and worse.

It's gettin' to be a day nursery.

They wouldn't even allow

those kind of guys in here in my time.

How'd they keep 'em out?

Blackball 'em?

- You know what they'd have called

Big Pete in my day?

- What?

- A sissy.

- [Laughter]

Yeah, there was men in those days-

men with needles in their chests,

men like meself.

[Bones Crack]

Come on over and play ball.

[Chattering]

Just one week before the big game,

and they had to go and pardon the pitcher.

It's politics.

That's what it is- politics.

- Somebody higher up don't want us to win.

- You know who it is?

The governor.

- Jessell!

- Well, if it ain't little Morris. So you're here!

Yes, I'm here.

And you're here too, where you belong.

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