Up in Smoke

Synopsis: Cheech and Chong meet up by chance on the highway somewhere in California. They go in search of some dope and are accidentally deported to Mexico where in their desperation to get home they agree to drive a van back to the States so they can get back in time for a gig they are due to play. Unaware of the properties from which the van is constructed they make their way back having aquired a couple of female hitch-hikers whilst all the time avoiding the cops whom they are not even aware are following them.
Genre: Comedy, Music
86 min

Put me down. Stop it.

Say, Daisy Lou,

would you like to hear a little tune?


Oh, Blackie,

you're wonderful.

Sweetheart, I'll talk to him.

Son, your mother and me would like for you

to cozy up to the Finkelstein boy.

He's a bright kid,

and he's going to military school and...

Remember, he was an Eagle Scout and...

- Arnold...

- Will you shut up?

We're not going to have a family brawl.

...and a retard.

We put up with a hell of a lot.

Can this wait?

Build your goddamn muscles, huh?

You know, you could build your muscles

picking strawberries.

You know, bend and scoop,

like the Mexicans.

Shit, maybe I could get you

a job with United Fruit.

I got a buddy with United Fruit.

Get you started. Start with strawberries,

you might work your way up

to these goddamn bananas.

When, boy?

When are you going to

get your act together?


Oh, good God almighty me.

I think he's the Antichrist.

Anthony, I want to talk to you.

Now, listen.

Don't walk away from me

when I'm talking to you.

You get a goddamn job before sundown,

or we're shipping you off

to military school

with that goddamn Finkelstein shit kid.

Son of a bitch.

Up in smoke

That's where my money goes

In my lungs

Sometimes up my nose

When troubled times

Begin to bother me

I take a toke

And all my cares go up in smoke

You girls need a ride?

- No.

- No.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

I'm going that way.

- No.

- Later for you, you little jailbaits.

What's that? She's hitchhiking.

Watch out. Coming over. Geronimo!

Hey, double bubble.

Come on, baby. I'll give you a ride.

Let's go.

Yeah, bend over.

I'll drive you home, baby.

- Hey, you ain't a chick.

- Yeah, I know.

But listen, that's the only way

I can get anybody to stop, man.

Hey, that's false advertising, that, man.

Yeah, I know, but listen,

I slept in a ditch last night, man.

I almost froze my balls off, man.

I didn't even think you had any, man.

I wouldn't even have stopped.

Oh, wow. Hey, I really like your car, man.

- Oh, you do?

- Wow. Did you do this yourself?

Yeah, I customized it myself, man.

Wow. Looks fantastic, man.

Yeah, I guess it does.

Well, I'll give you a ride.

- Come on, let's go.

- Okay, just a minute, man.

I gotta get my stuff.

Okay, well, hurry up,

'cause I got a lot of things to do.

Shit. Shit.

- Okay. Let's go.

- Hey, just a minute, man.

I got a few more things

I gotta get, okay? I'll be right back.

- Just a minute.

- Hurry up, man.

What are you going to do, move in, man?

Put her in first gear.

Here we go. Hey, hey!

Second gear. Hey!

Third gear. Here we go!

Hey, man, how far you going, man?

Right here would be fine, man.

You ain't scared of a little speed,

are you, man?

Oh, you got some speed, man?

Speed? No, I don't got no speed, man.

Hey, you know what I do got, though, man?

I got a joint, man.

Oh, wow. All right.

Come on, light it up.

Let's get Chinese eyes, man.

Hey, what kind of joint is this, man?

It's a heavy-duty joint, man.

It looks like a toothpick, man.

- No, it's not a toothpick, man.

- No, hey, it is a toothpick, man.

No, man, it's just...

It is a toothpick.

I must've got it in the other pocket, man.

Hold on, man.

I got the real shit right here, man.

Oh, that's my dick. Yeah, there we go.

Hey, there you go, man.

Light that sucker up, man.

We'll go to the moon.

Jeez, I hope your dick's

bigger than this, man.

Hey, man, you want to

get out and walk, man?

Hey, you want to get high, man?

Does Howdy Doody got wooden balls, man?

I got a joint here, man,

I've been saving for a special occasion.

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Tommy Chong

Thomas B. Kin Chong (born May 24, 1938) is a Canadian-American comedian, actor, writer, director, musician and cannabis rights activist who is known for his marijuana-themed Cheech & Chong comedy albums and movies with Cheech Marin, as well as playing the character Leo on Fox's That '70s Show. He became a naturalized United States citizen in the late 1980s. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Up in Smoke" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 25 Feb. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/up_in_smoke_22632>.

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