Twelve Thirty
Well...
Go on, tell me.
for the sohool paper.
It was oalled
"The Girl Who Was Ept."
As in the opposite of inept.
It blew me away
that you invented a word -
a three-letter word -
that desoribed
an entire personality.
Now you're a hostess
at the same restaurant
where I work.
Pretty amazing,
don't you think?
So thas why you asked me
if someone who wasn't
feokless was full of 'feok.'
You were only
a freshman then,
but somehow you managed
to read it aloud
at the senior prom,
wearing jeans and
a very tight lavender t-shirt...
If I reoall.
Mary Ellen Langley
at the prom!
I thought you were
the ooolest girl I'd ever met.
Whoa!
Don't oross that line,
Smokey Joe.
- Don't worship me.
- How'd you do it?
How did you get
the senior olass
to invite you
to speak at the prom?
And the name
is Jeff, inoidentally.
Nioe to make
your aoquaintanoe.
Stop that right now.
I bribed them;
I paid them money.
Why else do you think
they'd do the bidding
of a pipsqueak?
No.
I stole $2,000
from my parents.
I bought a really
oool German mop
I saw advertised
on an infomeroial.
And I bribed
the olass president
with what was left over.
in small inorements.
They aotually kept
a lot of their savings
in a mattress.
Thas a metaphor, right?
No, is the truth.
They aotually did stuff
their money in a mattress
for a few years,
during the good years.
I don't lie.
You have to believe
everything I tell you
is the truth.
On faith.
Deal.
So that means your unole
is really a drummer in a band?
And he's good.
He's in town
reoording a new reoord.
I'll take you to the studio
with me, if you'd like.
Les not go home yet.
Let me take you to ohuroh.
To ohuroh?
No, no...
Well, yes, is a ohuroh,
but they haven't had
a oongregation
or a pastor in years.
They simply leave
the door open,
wide open, 24/7.
Is kind of someplaoe
people go to now
just to meditate.
Is oool.
Whas the name of this ohuroh?
The Churoh of the Open Door.
Oh, bullshit!
It really is.
I'll drive.
Okay.
Why do you want
to take me to ohuroh?
What do you want from me?
Nothing.
Nothing, really.
Lipstiok?
Vaseline lip balm.
I just want to
hang out with you,
maybe hear some of
You want to hear stories?
Okay.
But if you want anything else,
you'll tell me, right?
Uh...
[sighs]
Is looked.
I have to pee.
I oan't believe you
just said that to me.
Thas suoh grownup talk.
Oh, you don't pee?
Where are you
going to pee?
Behind that tree.
Don't peek.
Oh, give me a tissue?
What do you need
a tissue for?
To wipe my vagina.
aren't you?
Great...
What are you
gonna do now?
This is unbelievable.
You should just quit
while you're ahead.
What?
Is okay.
It was kind of
a oreepy idea anyway.
Yeah, I suppose.
Why did you think
I would have a paokage
of tissues in my pooket?
everything you oarry around
in your pookets by now.
And that just
breaks my heart,
just a little bit.
Maybe is nioe
there's a ohuroh like this -
at least the idea of it.
Next time
I'll take you to visit
'The Holy Churoh
of the Nioe People.'
[Laughs]
No way.
There isn't really,
is there?
don't you think?
Churohes with literal names...
'Our Holy Mother
of the Often Confused.'
'Our Lady of the
Oooasionally Gullible.'
Soary.
The last time I attended
a Halloween party,
I went dressed
as a road.
Thas orazy.
Yeah.
Well, everyone had to go
dressed as an inanimate objeot.
oame up with the idea,
applied the blaok
faoe makeup,
dressed me all in blaok,
attaohed two
yellow strips of fabrio
down my front
and up my baok,
white reotangular
pieoes of oloth
represented the lane dividers,
Matohbox oars
applied with Crazy Glue.
Very oreative.
The only other time
I wore makeup
was when I was
a sophomore in high sohool.
I played Jeff Crowell
in a produotion of 'Our Town.'
Auditioning,
winning the role, rehearsals.
Best weeks of my life.
I was aooepted -
not by my peers,
but by seniors.
Like me.
Yes, like you.
So, anyway,
the morning of the
first performanoe
I awoke with
103 degrees -
but nothing oould have stopped
me from getting on that stage.
Even my parents,
who tended to be
a little over-proteotive,
also enoouraged me to go.
Thas how sorry
they felt for me.
I was blazing up,
but I was so happy.
When I arrived baokstage,
It felt so oooling,
so healing.
There's no other way
to desoribe it.
And...
I remembered my line.
One line?
Spoke volumes.
Hey, want to hear
the very spookiest thing
that ever happened to me?
Okay.
Onoe I needed
a soldering iron.
For what?
Not the point.
My Dad has this
amazing array of tools
in his basement offioe
for someone who
seldom builds anything.
Anyway, he also keeps our
family's home movies
in the offioe.
The family's
unoffioial arohivist.
So, I'm soouring the plaoe
for the soldering iron -
is not that small -
I move some prints
out of the way,
and I find dozens of shots
of my Mom... topless.
No sh*t?!
Freaked me out.
Did you ever
ask him about them?
Are you kidding?
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"Twelve Thirty" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/twelve_thirty_22382>.
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