Tromeo and Juliet

Synopsis: A modern, punk adaptation of Shakespeare's classic. Told irreverently, this film attempts to impact the viewer in the same way theatre-goers were affected in Shakespeare's time. Bawdy, Violent, Humorous, and Romantic.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Lloyd Kaufman
Production: Troma Films
  1 win.
107 min


Two households

different as dried plums

and pears in fair Manhattan,

where we lay our scene.

Two homes adrift in hate

for 20 years a score,

awash in sin

for long deprived of dreams.

Once long ago

they planted seeds of hate,

which bloomed to constant

battles for revenge.

Soon, murder was

the awful commonplace...

And everything once real

seemed like pretend.

Deep within this storm,

a love in two has sparked,

spawned in a box of glass

one star-crossed night.

Now if faithful should hug

to live within the dark

but see how many fall

beneath love's light.

Oh, yes, the splice

of their unholy vice

and the firmest grip

of their parent's rage.

It'll only ever end

by one father

and his apt demise

which is now the two hours'

traffic of our stage.

Star-crossed lovers

both ignore

your elders' trivial ploys.

They hold no trace

of passion's truer joys.

Instead of justice,

do now hold your castle wall.

Your deepest love will battle

reasons gone.

All this if you with

patient eyes attend,

we'll see what devils broke,

our toil shall mend.

(Gun fires)

Act 1

never mind the yearling fatted

calf, is the Ques and Capulets.

(Band singing)

(Passionate moaning)

My sister!

Hey, there. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

That's my sister.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

You stupid sh*t.

That was the best f***

in this bar.

Hey, hey, Georgie.

I have some crystal meth

in my underwear.

Let's go down

to the men's bathroom

and snort it on up.

F*** you, Sammy.

You're such a moron.

Come on, Georgie.

Maybe you will get lucky,

you know what I mean?


I'm your sister.

You're not

supposed to do that.

Not to me.

But hey, you know

the way the world is now

we've got gang bangers,

we've got perverts,

we've got anorexia.

Everything's in style.

If we just throw

a little incest into the mix,

pretty soon the world will be

like one great big hug.

And I, Sammy Capulet along

with my sister Georgie Herald

the dawning of the age

of the aquarius,

just like in a hair.

Yeah, I'm sure, Sammy,

me and you and our mutant,

inbred children.

At least they'd be better

than those cursed Ques.

Did you hear

what they did last night?

They threw a dead pigeon

through Uncle Cappy's window.

It splattered all over

the divan, intestines of--

I know! I know.

I hate the Ques!

Hey, hey, Georgie.

Look what I'm gonna do just

in case they show up tonight.

-Don't be retarded.



You guys,

after this I gotta cruise.

What's wrong with

going to the Art Club

with me and Ben?

I got to go check up

on my old man, Murray.

Why? You got to bring him

a teething ring?

You believe this guy?

I think it's sweet.

It's like, um, Codependency,


It's like

being a p*ssy is like

what it's being like.

We done?

Hey, why don't you come on over

after the Art Club?

Check out the new

CD-ROM I got.

Sub-Humanoid Meltdown.

Yeah, yeah, we'll come over

and check it out.

Especially if the Capulets

are the Sub-Humanoids

you're melting down.

Every time I think about

that poor little squirrel.

Poor little squirrel?

Murray, you threw a pigeon

through the window.

It was already dead.

That's different.

Hey, shut up.

We're supposed to be normal

people leading normal lives.

Working 9 to 5,

going to church on Sunday.

Normal. Maiming, murdering,

crippling park animals,

it's a little abnormal.

You know what I mean?

Is it gonna hurt?

This will be over in a snap.

It's one

of the reasons I like Rosy.

You know, when I'm with her

I don't feel much hatred.

-Not even toward the Capulets.

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James Gunn

James Gunn is an American filmmaker, actor, novelist, and musician. He started his career as a screenwriter in the mid-1990s, writing the scripts for Tromeo and Juliet, Scooby-Doo and its sequel Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), and the 2004 version of Dawn of the Dead. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Tromeo and Juliet" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 14 May 2021. <>.

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