Tripping The Rift: The Movie

TRIPPING THE RIF THE MOVIE...

Target area:
Target Level: None

Chode McBlob - Location Unknown

Jacket:
Material ID, 42556 Size: 38

Thread level:
Minimal

Pants:
Material ID: 47 829

Size 31, Unknown Substance

Suddenly, trolling those

dives for your birthday party

doesn't seem quite

so bad, Uncle Chode.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Yeah, black and white usually means

the fucking producers ran out of money.

She's talking about

this place, dumb ass!

Relax! You'll feel a whole lot better

once you get your

share of the money.

I can't believe how much

these morons are paying us

to be the royal princess'

bodyguard for just a weekend.

Thank God this job's

only for two days!

These local yokels

give me the creeps!

Nonsense.

They're probably just shy.

You just have to be the

one that's friendly first!

A pleasant good

evening to you, madam.

- F*ck off!

- That went well.

Hey, Uncle Chode,

you've seen the princess.

Is she beautiful and sweet and

innocent like in all the fairy tales?

Hier kommen sie the princess.

Lord,

let her be a hot little virgin

anxious to learn the

wicked ways of the world.

Damn, ho, baby!

Somebody's been

hitting the super size.

Well, let's just say they call

them fairy tales for a reason, kid.

Is it Halloween already?

Geez, you tell me.

You all look a little old

to be trick-or-treating.

We've been hired to

guard the princess.

In that case, let

me introduce myself.

- I'm...

- Don't tell me. Eyesore!

No! I don't know why everyone

thinks my name is Eyesore.

Maybe it's because you've got...

What?

Nothing.

Who is the inconsiderate bastard that's

bothering us at this time of the night?

They're here to

call the princess.

- Yeah. My name...

- Don't tell me. Swollen Hemorrhoid?

May I call you Swollen?

I'm Frau Schmidt.

I'm Her Highness'

lady in waiting.

Show them in!

Walk this way.

Too easy.

Sorry, but your cow will

have to go in the barn.

I beg your pardon!

I am sorry.

Your talking cow will

have to go in the barn!

I am not an animal!

Piss off, you murdering swine!

What? How dare you

talk to me like...

Who's out there?

What did you say?

Nothing!

La Cage aux Poofter

So I said to him,

"Dr. Richard Turner is so formal.

"Do you mind if I call you Dick?"

Give me your clothes!

You forgot to say

please, sweetie.

Okay, girls, time to close up.

If you think I'm staying open

all night again, you're...

big nuts.

I said give me your clothes!

Hey, girlfriend, we don't want any trouble.

Get going while the getting's good.

Primary Social Protocol

a.) Exterminate; b.) Ignore;

c.) Inflict wedgy

How would you like a wedgy?

Sounds like my old gym teacher.

I'm looking for Chode.

You just missed him. He was here

asking about renting the place.

The homophobic little bastard took

off when he realized it was a gay bar!

If I ever see you again,

I'll scratch your

eyes out, you bitch!

When I am king,

you will be Queen

Mother, Mother.

One minute!

One stinking minute!

What is it, woman?

Last night there was another

threat on the life of the princess!

Let me see that note!

I hope that security teams that I

asked you to hire knows their stuff!

Yes. I got the best

bodyguards in the business.

They'd better be! If anything

were to happen to her,

our nation would

be without a leader!

We would find one somewhere.

Nonsense! There is no

one left of royal blood.

She is the last of

an ancient, noble line

that goes back

hundreds of years!

Ja, ja, ja!

Don't let the door hit you

on the ass on the way out!

Did you know Her

Highness' royal crown

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