Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It

Synopsis: Recently out of jail and completely broke, Julian has a plan to get outrageously rich. However, he first has to deliver his product to Montreal where his rival Cyrus is waiting to close the deal. In the meantime, the government's plan to legalize marijuana threatens Ricky and his dope business, so he goes to Ottawa to take action against the impending bill. With Julian and Ricky on a road trip, Bubbles joins the pair with his own agenda - to go find the inheritance left for him by his long-lost parents. The trio runs into trouble when ex-park supervisor Jim Lahey and Randy go after the boys in hopes of making them rot in jail.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Mike Clattenburg
Production: Screen Media Films
  4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
95 min

I was out on the West Coast

tryin' to make a buck

And things didn't work

out I was down on my luck

Got tired a-roamin'

and bummin' around

So I started thumbin' back

east toward my hometown

Made a lot of miles

the first two days

And I figured I'd be home in

week if my luck held out this way

But the third night I got

stranded way out of town

At a cold lonely crossroads

rain was pourin' down

I was hungry and freezin'

done caught a chill

When the lights of a

big semi topped the hill

Lord I sure was glad to

hear them air brakes come on

And I climbed in that cab

Where I knew it'd be warm

At the wheel sit a big man

he weighed about two-ten

He stuck out his hand

and said with a grin

Big Joe's the name

I told him mine

And he said the name of

my rig is Phantom 309

You okay man?

I asked him why he

called his rig such a name

- Mr. Green!

- Hey, what's up? What's up?

Good to see you, candy

man. What's up, Hydro?

It's been a minute, dawg.

What's up with y'all?

Sorry about the circumstances

and all that, right? Sayin'.

Yo, what's up with T man?

Man, T at a halfway house,

y'all. But he gonna be here.

What the f*ck are you doing here?

- I invited myself.

- Yeah? Well, fucking get him out of here.

You couldn't wear a fucking

shirt to a funeral, Randy?

I got the keys. Just take it easy,

- the transmission's slipping.

- Okay.

I'll pick it up after work.

- Do you mind putting some gas in it?

- Sure.

How's the mall, George?

- Good.

- I got some good dope for you,

- I'll bring it by after work.

- Thanks, Ricky.

Good to see you, Julian.

We're not friends, we're business

partners. Don't forget it.

Okay, tough guy.

We've got the buyers in Montreal,

everything's set, bring all you can bring.

Alright, cool.

Did you hear that?

The cops threw the old

man out of the dump,

so he moved to the goddamn parking

lot of the old Zellers downtown.

He was selling hotdogs and

drinking. He was there almost a year.

He wouldn't listen to anybody.

I fucking warned him

about the propane.

Last Monday at 4 a.m., there

was a great big explosion.

Some bums witnessed it,

said Ray was down there.

Fucking drunk, smoking cigarettes.

Trying to steal propane for his grill

and that was it, fucking ka-blamo.

Motherfucker, he blew himself up.


Sad like a motherfucker

too, ain't it?

I was down with Ray, dawg.

I loved that old white boy.

Over this way, please. Everybody

gather around over here.

Get the f*ck out of the way.

Thanks for coming today, everyone.

We're gathered here

today at Ray's sanctuary.

This is a place that most of us

would... rightly call the dump.

But not Ray.

For Ray, this was like

his personal paradise.



We're here today to remember Ray, and

all of the things that he taught us.

To celebrate what a

wonderful man he was.

He wasn't wonderful, he was shitty.

Maybe the shittiest man

there ever was, ever will be.

You better shut your

fucking mouth right now.

Goddamn right, you

bald-headed, bespectacled bitch!

It's a funeral, motherfucker!

I'm gonna slap the white

boy out your mouths!

You don't disrespect a motherfucker

like that at his own funeral!

- Jamie...

- What the f*ck's wrong with you, bitch?

You too Randy, get the f*ck back,

fucking Simon Cowell with titties!

You're out of fucking

line right now.

Sorry, Julian.

My apologies, everyone.


Can you please just fucking leave?

- How could you say that?

- Randy, Ray isn't dead.

Piss still flows in the jug, bud.

Come on, Randy.

- How could you say that?

- Rand...

Instant karla, fucky!

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Mike Clattenburg

Mike Clattenburg is a Canadian director (television & film), producer (television & film) and screenwriter. He is best known as a creator, executive producer, writer and director of the TV comedy series Trailer Park Boys, for his work with This Hour Has 22 Minutes (January–November 2004), and as the co-creator of the Adult Swim series Black Jesus. more…

All Mike Clattenburg scripts | Mike Clattenburg Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 28 Feb. 2021. <'t_legalize_it_22183>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.

    Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.