Tour de Pharmacy

Synopsis: A mockumentary that chronicles the prevalence of doping in the world of professional cycling.
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Jake Szymanski
Production: HBO
Rotten Tomatoes:
39 min

Edgar Wright:

Stage 13 of the Tour de France,

quite possibly

the most difficult climb

of the entire race.

But one rider,

Italy's JuJu Peppi,

is absolutely burning up

this mountain...

...nearing the top

of the Pyrenees

minutes ahead of the pack.

He's practically

dancing on the pedals

as he blasts

past other riders,

showing no signs of fatigue.

Jon Hamm The Tour de France,

the crme de la crme of cycling.

At some point during

the three-week race,

half the world

will tune in.

With 3.5 billion viewers,

it is far and away

the most-watched

sporting event on Earth,

but it is also perhaps

the most controversial.


JuJu's opened an impressive lead

with his

record-setting pace.

JuJu now relieving himself,

which is a thing

that cyclists actually do,

and he's making quite a mess

as he continues

to burn up the mountainside.


JuJu Peppi's legs pumping away,

pushing his body

to its absolute limits!

How is he doing this?

How is he doing this?


And just then...

...JuJu Peppi's

heart exploded.

Here we go!

He's into the tuck for the downhill.

No one even knew

he was dead

for about

12 kilometers.


Look at that form!

He's perfectly still

for optimum wind resistance!

He died...

with his dick out.

In the autopsy,

they found out

JuJu was on EPO

and cocaine.

Also, some insulin

and anabolic steroids,


and Nandrolone.

Trace amounts of

Norethandrolone and Furazabol.

They even found some

heroin in his system.

There was also Letrozole

and Cyclazadone,

some estrogen

receptor modulators,


and Tamoxifen...

probably to ward off

breast growth.

A lot of Oxycodone

in his blood,

Phentermine as well.

Ortetamine, Bunolol,

and Labetalol.

Plus he had apparently

huffed ethanol

and taken

a couple MDAs.

He had clearly smoked some

crystal meth and/or crack,

and there was a hormone

from monkey testicles

that he had cooked down

into a broth that he drank.

He also

had apparently eaten

at least one sandwich

from Arby's.

JuJu Peppi

gave himself a huge edge

at the 1982 Tour de France with

performance-enhancing drugs.


Oh my God!

What the f*ck?

Jesus Christ!


But he was far from alone that year.

In what has now become known

as the Tour de Pharmacy,

athletes took drug abuse to a level

never seen before or thereafter,

creating supermen

in Superman spandex,

attempting to traverse

2,179 miles

and over some of the most treacherous

mountain ranges on the planet.

But how do you tell

the story of a bike race,

the story

of 170 extreme personalities

all vying

for a common goal?

You probably could,

but it would take forever.

Luckily, we only have to tell

the story of five of them.

Rex Honeycut:

the atmosphere is positively electric

as the town of Basel

has gathered to greet

the riders who have come

from all over the world.

Here's one now,

arriving all the way from the United States,

Slim Robinson.


Hi, Slim. Welcome.

Slim Robinson was

sports royalty.

His uncle was Jackie Robinson,

who, of course,

was the first black man

in professional baseball.

And throughout his life,

Slim excelled at many different sports,

but obviously struggled

to stand out like his uncle,

because he wasn't

the only black athlete...

until he found cycling,

which was very white.

And it made him happy,

because it was the last sport

where he could break

the color line.

My uncle was the first

black something.

I wanted to be the first

black something too.

First one to ever

do it, baby. Woo!

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Murray Miller

Murray Selig Miller (born December 2, 1976) is an American producer, writer and filmmaker. Miller has produced and written for many television programs, including King of the Hill (2006), American Dad! (2010), Girls (2013), 7 Days in Hell (2015), and Tour de Pharmacy (2017). more…

All Murray Miller scripts | Murray Miller Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Tour de Pharmacy" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 10 Apr. 2021. <>.

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