Tomcats

Synopsis: Seven years ago, a bunch of friends make a bet that'll give the last remaining bachelor a ton of money. Now, after losing a ton of money at a Vegas Casino, Michael Delaney has to quickly get his friend Kyle married so that he can collect the prize money to pay back his debt.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Gregory Poirier
Production: Columbia Pictures
  2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.3
Metacritic:
15
Rotten Tomatoes:
14%
R
Year:
2001
95 min
$12,853,541
Website
37 Views

Is this such a good idea?

Is marriage a good idea?

Because marriage is huge.

I am having trouble breathing.

I am having trouble catching my breath.

- Would you relax?

- How could I possibly relax!?

Because it's my wedding.

That's Max. Only 19 years old...

...and is getting married to

the only girl he's ever had sex with.

That day l promised myself,

I'd stay single forever.

Gimshins.

Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous.

- What's the hold-up?

- Your groom isn't quite out yet.

Well, fix it, Daddy!

l guess Max didn't see her

quite the way l did.

Make him behave!

It will be perfect. I promise.

Kimberly's father helped invent

a very special pill.

Now, Viagra beat him to the market,

but his pill was just as good.

It could turn this...

...into this.

There's enough to give

an elephant a boner.

You are so bad.

Your own sister's wedding?

Please. She's gonna love it.

I'LL put it on the gift table.

They'll take it on the honeymoon.

He'll have a three-day boner.

I love the smell of bridesmaids

in the morning.

My best friend, Kyle.

lf this is your average brain...

...this is Kyle's brain.

Anyway, the wedding was about to get

especially hard.

I propose a toast. Ah, yes. To Max!

First tomcat to take the plunge.

Thanks, guys.

May it never happen to us!

There you go, buddy.

Dude.

Dude.

Dude.

This is the best wine ever.

What the hell is going on?

Everybody's waiting out there.

What is up with you?

Holy Mary...

...Mother of God.

You boys must really like weddings.

Get out there. Everybody's waiting.

Don't move.

Here we go, here we go.

You may all be seated.

- Turn around.

- We can't.

Here we go.

Don't they look handsome

in their tuxedos?

I cannot believe that Max actually

went through with it.

It's a goddamn shame.

I am hereby dedicating myself to

a life as a professional tomcat.

Professional tomcat, right on.

Yeah, man. Forget marriage.

I'll nail every woman

on the planet.

Every one?

Except my mother and grandmother.

First of all, your mom is hot.

Secondly, you realize there are...

...two and a half billion females

on Earth.

- Are you saying it can't be done?

- No. But we got to divide them up.

Deal.

I'LL never get married. Ever.

You're almost married as it is.

Kelly runs your life.

She does not!

You've got five minutes.

Thank you.

You'll be the next to go.

Please. We all know who'll be next.

Steve dog!

I don't even have a girlfriend.

You're going down, buddy.

What? Why?

Because, like Max, the first girl that

lets you get with her, you'll marry.

You want to bet?

Actually bet? Really bet for money?

Yeah. Let's say the last single man

gets a thousand bucks...

...from the rest of you who end up

getting married.

Six grand's a lot of money.

No, no. If we're going to do this,

we do it right. Okay?

Each of us puts two hundred dollars

a year away in savings.

No, no, no. High-yield mutual fund.

All right, the last man standing at

the end, gets the whole pot.

I'm talking 1 0, 20 grand!

That's a lot of money.

Yeah. And you're out if you go gay,

Gary.

Hey, blow me.

ALL right, Gary's out.

I'm in. Tomcats' bet.

Let's get in here.

Come on, get in here!

I'm going to invest some money, okay?

Tomcats! Tomcats!

You guys are going to pay me so bad!

I don't ever want to get married.

I don't!

I do.

By the power vested in me...

...by Allah and the state of

Nevada...

...I now pronounce you...

...husband and...

...wife, my friends.

Okay, love her tender.

love her tenders. Please.

Rock the jailhouse.

Every single woman, come to the centre

of the aisle...

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Gregory Poirier

Gregory Stephen Poirier (born May 19, 1961) is an American film and television writer, director, and producer. more…

All Gregory Poirier scripts | Gregory Poirier Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Tomcats" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 8 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tomcats_22051>.

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