Three to Tango

Synopsis: A rich businessman, Dylan McDermott, mistakenly believes that Matthew Perry, who is bidding on a $90 million restoration contract, is gay and asks him to keep tabs on his mistress, Neve Campbell. Perry, who is not gay, falls for Neve in a big way but she thinks he's gay.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Damon Santostefano
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
98 min

So we walk in...

...shake hands....

Where do we sit?


-Right. Good. Down.

-Yeah, why not?

-Will you say hello first, or will I?

-Why don't I?

-Good. This is gonna be okay.

-It's gonna be marvelous.

Are you sure?

I dreamt that when we walked

into this meeting, I had no clothes on.

Well, I was wearing a doily.

And Julie McCoy from The Love Boat

was there and she had three breasts.

And then we kind of fell into a hot tub.

And all of a sudden...

...she wanted a commitment!

I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out.

Okay, Oskie...

...this is what we're gonna do.

We're gonna have a signal.

If you start to babble,

just watch the signal.

No babbling, no chatting... small talk. We got a signal now

so we can do this.

Okay, yes. You're right.

We can do it. Thank you.

We'll walk in there and kick some ass.

Say it with me.

Kick some ass!

Hold me.

It's a bit much, I know.

You look intimidating in this picture.

I asked, but they wouldn't run

a nude photo.

Now that would have been

really intimidating.

What are you doing today?

I can't disclose that information.

You never tell me anything.

I love it when you get all mushy like that.

This song is too slow.

When do I see you again?

Whenever I feel like it.

Mr. Newman.

It is now 3:

From 4:
00 until 6:30, you will be hearing

proposals for the cultural center.

I'll be right out.

Also, your wife called.

She's expecting you for dinner

at The Ritz at 8:00.

-Thank you.

-I'm out of here.

-Wait, Amy, let me--

-Call me later.

I'll buzz you when the first team

of architects arrives.

Peter, before we go in,

I just wanted to say...

...that I would never have

an opportunity like this without you.

So, you know...

...whatever happens in there,

I just want you to know that...

...I'm very honored to be your partner.

You are the best partner

that a man could ever have.

Now, let's go inside before

you start singing or something, okay?

Look at this.

It's Gilligan and the Skipper too.

What have you studmuffins

been up to lately?

Well, we've become triathletes, actually.

We bike, we swim, we....

-Also do the third thing.

-That's right.

Congratulations on your work in

that men's room in the bus station.

Yes, your use of mosaic

in the urinal trough...

...was reminiscent of our mural

in the Hancock Building.

Except people don't piss on ours.

That's not true. We read the reviews.

Ouch. Humor.

Decker and Strauss.

-Let's go nail this job.

-See you.

Watch your feet.

Pardon me.

Well, I'm not worried. You?

No. Absolutely not.

-We're dead.

-Yeah, we're dead.

Sir, the Charles Newman Cultural Center...

...would redefine cultural life in the city.

There'd be a museum, an opera house... international food court.


...Madame Butterfly...



Steinberg and Novak.


-Good luck, ladies.

-Thank you.


So you've worked with those two men?

We did.

Are they really, you know, partners?

Of course...

...Peter is, you know....

-But Oscar--

-No, Josh.

Actually, Josh....

No, Oscar is very, very, you know.

It's nice to meet you, sir.

It's nice to meet you, sir.

They hang out at, you know, bars.

And they march in the, you know, parade.

They have, you know... with, you know, men.

-It's very nice to meet you, sir.

-He can hear you.

-No, he can't.

-Yes, he can.

-I'm Peter Steinberg. Oscar Novak.

-It's nice to meet you.

-How you guys doing today?


Couldn't be better.

It's an honor to meet you.

And your office is....

Hey, you have a Buddha.

Oh, I love Buddhas. They're, like,

bright, cheery, naked Asian Santas.

I had a buddy in college.

His name was Bob, and we called him...

...''Buddha Bob''...

...because he was kind of fat...

...and he liked to walk around naked...

...and we rubbed his belly for luck.


...I love Buddha.

He rocks.

The Buddha is an important

spiritual figure...

...from which I draw

tremendous inspiration.

Just kidding.

Let me hear what you have.

The Telford was not just considered

a great museum...

...but a wonder of the age.

I barely recognize it.

We propose a renovation

that modernizes...

...the Telford, without eclipsing

its classic glory.

To us, the Telford is a work of art... of Chicago's true monuments.

Preserving it would be more than

a job for us. It's an opportunity--


Just a second.



-Yes, Mr. Newman.

Bring in Decker and Strauss

and my echinacea drops.

I liked your presentation.

Big, modern, bold.

And preserving the old and contrasting it

with the new. I like that too.

You, especially, I like.

Passionate, sincere...


You find him?

Found him...

...and housebroke him.

This is what we're gonna do.

You'll each build a model...

...big models...

...and we'll do it... the Telford itself.

What do you guys think of that?

I love it!

The press will love it. And then...

...I pick the winner.

Well, I just, I think that's...

...a fantastic, fantastic idea.

You pay for these models

out of your own budget.

Do you know how unfair it is,

him getting your hopes up like that?

I mean, as if you two

even have a ghost of a chance.

Tell you what.

When we get the job,

we'll throw some men's rooms your way.

-How much is this gonna cost?


Well, that's too much. That's too much.

I could take out a second mortgage

on my apartment.

Come on. You have already invested

everything into this company.

I can't let you do that.

We have to.

We don't have to.

We're gonna get this job.

We're gonna kick ass.

We're gonna kick big ass!

I love you! I love you!

I love you!

-We were just--

-Very nice to meet you both today.

Here we go.

Well, that seems to be a close partnership.

Yeah, they seem very close.

What do you mean?

You know.


Both gay? The goofball too?


Wow! I'm so excited. I'm overly excited.

I have some bad news.

I can't make it to your opening

at the gallery.

I did my best, but Olivia's been planning

this benefit for months.

That's okay.

-I'm sick about the whole thing.

-It's all right, Charles.

So who's gonna be there?

Charles, don't start.

It's a perfect opportunity...

...for one of these clowns you dated

to try to get back in.

Charles, come on.

What about that guy from art school...

...the one who paints world flags

on people's asses...

...and then he photographs it?

I hate that guy.

Not to mention Kevin Cartwright...

...with his big, grotesque muscles...

...and his Mr. Nice Guy act and his....

Kevin. It's so good to see you.

I got a little cold.

Great game last week.

-Congratulations on the new contract.


I'll use these big, grotesque muscles

to load this stuff in the van.

See you at the gallery.

Charlie, you look good.

You been working out?

Thanks, Kevin. You're a lifesaver.

Imagine a dome, flanked by four

sky-lit pyramids on either side.

What Oscar and I see is a convergence

of two classical styles...

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