Think Like a Man Too

Las Vegas.

For 100 years, people have flocked to

get a taste of its forbidden fruit.

In the 1930s and '40s, it

was the Mafia and gambling.

In the late '50s, America's first topless

showgirls appeared at the Dunes Casino.

And in the '60s, it was all

about Frank and the Rat Pack.

But today, damn! Vegas has

become Disneyland for adults.

And let me tell you something. What

happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

See, in this town, you don't

know if it's day or night.

And guess what? You don't care,

because you're in Vegas, baby!

From the casinos to the clubs,

the pools and the strip bars,

it's the best place in the world for

men and women to get their freak on.

Okay, just be careful

because it's a wedding dress.

Why are you stressing?

It's beautiful.

Unless, of course, they

go together as couples.

Zeke?

Zeke the Freak! It's

me, Marty. Remember?

Marty the One Man Party!

What up? What up, man?

Oh, man, wait till I tell

Luis the Freak is back in town!

Two of my wildest nights

ever was with Z to the F.

I can only imagine.

Oh, baby, you don't even got to

imagine. We got this on video.

She don't wanna see that.

- She ain't about that life?

- No.

That's sweet. This man is a

god. A legend with the ladies.

We used to get him drunk

just to get his leftovers.

I was young, I used to come

by here once in a while.

Sounds like you came here a lot.

You remember Marco's big

blow-out bash last year?

That was a few years ago.

- Them strippers was off the chain.

- Marty, this is my woman, Mya.

Nice to meet you.

No! Wait!

You took him down?

Lower the flag, baby!

Retire the rubbers.

Zeke the Freak is getting married!

No! No, dude, God, no.

We just here for a friend's

wedding. Mya just made the dresses.

- Designed.

- Designed the dresses.

Well, I'm just saying, if

you can get away later on,

Luis is having an after-party

at the Chicken Ranch...

I'm right here!

- Well, this how we do, baby!

- Let me just get with you later.

All right. Get your girl in check, she gonna

make me look bad out here in the street, man.

Wait till I tell Luis

the Freak is back in town!

I don't know that dude, really. I met

him one time. He drives and cuts hair.

- Hell, no.

- Zeke the Freak is back in town, baby!

Now, my opinion?

The only thing worse than going to Vegas

as a couple is going as man and wife.

Babe, you see the car?

Look at these hookers.

Tish, honey, those are not hookers.

They're just girls having fun in

Vegas. It's really not a big deal.

They probably got no dad in their life,

low self-esteem. It's very sad, actually.

By the way, Bennett, that fanny-pack

really screams "Vegas Weekend."

Yeah, Tish got it for me. It's safer to

keep your money in the front in Vegas.

- Plus, she gave me a bonus.

- Bet she did.

And I can get to the money if I

need to. It's right in the front.

I can't wait to get to the room.

All right.

Okay, good, there's gonna be like an

hour between check-in and separation.

- For what?

- We're trying to have a baby, ASAP.

I waited nine years to get

married, so we're, you know.

Congratulations!

I'm so happy for you!

- I hope for your sake it's a boy.

- Why?

Well, you know, when you have a

boy, you just worry about his wiener.

When you have a girl, you have to worry

about all the wieners coming at her.

Smacking her around.

You remember how it is.

The romance and magic

of scheduled sex.

- Girl's not gonna wait forever.

- Yeah, no, I get it.

She doesn't want

to be the "old" mom.

I can't believe it,

man! You as a father.

I know, right? I can't

believe it either.

She's like a drill

sergeant, on a schedule!

It's like there's a shot clock,

constantly winding down to one,

and I gotta hit the last shot.

Last week, I thought I sprained it.

You know, the worst part about

it is I had to stop smoking pot.

- No! You? Pot.

- Yeah. Me.

- It's like saying goodbye to an old friend.

- Why?

Because I can only deal with one

stoned child at a time, that's why.

- She heard us.

- She hears everything.

Fortunately, some couples know exactly

how to embrace the true spirit of Vegas.

Okay, all right.

So they hadn't seen each other for 10

days because of Lauren's business trip.

Now you know what they say.

Absence does make the heart

and other organs grow fonder.

Despite its reputation

as Sin City,

Vegas is still the number one

destination in the country

for couples to do the craziest

thing of all, get married. Dummies.

It is the perfect setting.

Everything is perfect. You

know, this kind of looks like...

Ancient Rome, like Spartacus.

Excuse me, when have

you seen Spartacus?

At Grandma's, when she falls

asleep during Grey's Anatomy.

I do not fall asleep

when I'm babysitting you!

So, Candace, the bride

will enter from here,

and right there is where...

We get married.

So, remember, you must be here on time

so we can begin your ceremony promptly.

- We cannot hold up the next wedding party.

- Yes.

Perfect timing! Your wedding

programs just arrived.

I've got that.

It was so sweet of your mom to

splurge on French linen paper.

Candace, you are the only

daughter she's ever gonna have.

And I think this whole process

has really been healing for her.

Especially after the

passing of Deacon Johnson.

Aunt Winnie said he died

in bed with Miss Loretta.

But at least he had a happy ending.

There you go.

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