The Whole Nine Yards

Synopsis: Montreal, Canada. A down-on-his luck dentist, "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry), discovers that his new neighbor is Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis), former mob contract killer turned police informant upon whom the Hungarian mob has put on price on. Egged on my his loathsome wife Sophie (Rosanna Arquette), Oz sets off to Chicago to let the mob know where The Tulip is, and hopefully claim part of the reward.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Jonathan Lynn
Production: Warner Home Video
  5 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
98 min

I need money.

Yes, it is a lovely morning.

Sun is shining,

the birds are chirping.

Only dentist I know

who can't make money.

Oh, really?

What about her father?

As a dentist, my husband

was very successful.

It was just that other stuff.

There's a word for that stuff.


Speaking of which,

how much do you need, dear?

Five should probably do it.

Thousand? For what?

Your father would be proud.

I'll see what I can do. In the

meantime, ladies, have a lovely day.

I would, if you do me

a favor and die.

Excuse me.

Are you threatening me?

I didn't think so.

Look, I changed my mind, okay?

Yes, I'll get you your money back.

Morning, doctor.

Good news, Monsieur Boulez.

We won't have to pull the tooth.

All we have to do is drill.

-No drill.

-No drill?

No drill. I hate the drill.

So just gas me, pull the tooth out,

and we'll still be friends. Okay?


A hamburger and fries.

I'm gonna have a hamburger

with no mayonnaise this time.

-No mayonnaise?

-No mayonnaise. Not at all.

She'll put mayonnaise on it.

Mind if I say something?

Leave the b*tch!

-Excuse me?

-Your wife.

Leave her. Find somebody else

and just start over.

Oz, look, I know it's

none of my business.

I know I've only been working

for you for three weeks.

But I'm telling you what I see.

Your wife is not a good person.

You expect an argument?

So why do you torture yourself?

Just divorce her.

I can't afford to.

She'd take me to the cleaners.

I'm already paying her father's debt.

So she'll just ride it out

till Daddy's debt gets paid.

She's just charming.

She can't help it. Her mother....

What's a nice way of...?

Well, she's the Antichrist.

You'd be doing the world a favor...

...if you'd just have her whacked.

You know somebody who'd do this?

Present company excluded?


Or do you want me to name a price?

You should talk to my wife.

You'd make a fortune.

-What makes you say that?

-Life insurance.

I'm worth more dead than alive.

Dining room.

Take the plastic junk off of there.

Can you move any slower

than this, fellas?

You must be our new neighbor.

I'm Nicholas Oseransky. Call me Oz.


Jimmy Jones.

Have we met before?

Are you sure?

Yeah. I'd remember.

I got a thing with faces.

That's weird. You look so familiar.

Where are you from?

Where do you want this?


Upstairs, back bedroom.

What were you saying?

You all right?

You sure? Because you look

like you got some gas.

Well, I had a hamburger for lunch.

They put mayonnaise on it?

Can you tell me why they do that?

Every red-blooded American knows...

...that the only condiment

you ever put on a hamburger... ketchup!

Or maybe some of that special sauce

you like so much here in Canada!

Which has a little mayonnaise

in it too.

I swear to God, when they slop that

mayonnaise on, I could kill somebody.

I really didn't wanna upset you.

Who's upset? I'm just having

a conversation here.

I'm gonna go home.

-Feel better.

-Thank you.



Thanks for stopping by...

...welcoming me to the neighborhood.

Pack up! Pack it up, we're leaving!



I just bumped into our new neighbor.

You know who that is?

I suppose you'll tell me.

Jimmy "the Tulip" Tudeski.

And that means something?

Jimmy the Tulip was a hit man

for the Gogolak gang!

The Hungarian gang back in Chicago

that ran the North Side?

And that guy, Jimmy, was

Laszlo Gogolak's key enforcer!


Sophie, the man's killed 1 7 people.

Why the stupid name?

"The Tulip"?

That's his flower of choice.

It's what he sent

to his victim's funerals.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Mitchell Kapner

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Whole Nine Yards" STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 21 Mar. 2023. <>.

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