The Warrior's Way

THE WARRIOR'S WAY (2010)

(male narrator) Okay.

Settle down.

Got your ears open?

(clears throat)

This is the story of a sad flute

a laughin' baby

and a weepin' sword.

A long, long time ago

in a land far, far away,

there lived a warrior...

warrior with empty eyes.

He'd trained his entire life

for one purpose.

To be the greatest swordsman

in the history of mankind.

He'd just achieved

his life's ambition,

but his heart felt emptier

than ever.

These two clans had been warrin'

for 500 years.

And they vowed to keep on warrin'

until one of them

didn't have a single man

left above Styx.

(giggles)

(coos, cries)

(coos, giggles)

And so now, here he was,

peerin' down

at this very last of his enemy.

(baby coos, laughs)

When that

little warrior princess giggled,

it did somethin' to him inside.

But this was no time for feelin'.

For when spared that baby's life,

he put his name at the top

of his own clan's death list.

With nothin' but the clothes on his back

and the baby in his arms,

he decided to pay a visit to an old

warrior friend in a faraway land.

Hey, Johnny.

I don't like your stinkin' face.

Easy, Ronald.

The name's Eight-Ball.

Like in the game.

Good luck for some,

bad luck for others.

How can I assist you,

my friend from the mystical East?

Uh-oh.

Haven't been here

since Smiley kicked the bucket.

Was a 3-day wait

just to get your shirts pressed.

(laughs)

For a guy who cleaned sheets all day,

he sure liked to make a mess

in the after-hours,

if you know what I mean.

See you in the morning.

(man) You came to me

to be strong.

I have made you the strongest.

She will always be the enemy.

(baby crying in distance)

(bellows)

Here it is.

Just rub some on your shoulder.

Smiley's Oriental cure-all.

Works like a charm.

(crying)

Now, honey,

I didn't forget about you.

It's alright there. It's okay.

Ssh, ssh, ssh.

Sorry about the tap I gave ya.

I thought you knew the sword.

Smiley was always yabberin' on about

a guy who was gonna roll into town.

But I shoulda figgered.

What do you call her?

I do not know.

Oh. She's not yours?

Where's her folks?

Dead.

Oo-ee, best we find you

another diaper.

Alright.

Smiley like

your uncle or something?

Friend.

Well, if you were his friend,

maybe he would like for you

to take over his laundry.

- Do not know how.

- So I'll teach ya.

I always done the laundry

around here.

That's how I repaid Smiley

for teaching me the sword.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

You stay here, I'll teach you how

to tie a diaper properly.

We'll be partners, 60:40.

You are the 40.

Alright now,

time to get to work.

Dang, you're slower

than molasses in January.

(fly buzzing)

You clean that real good,

yellow boy.

As clean

as Snow White's panties...

If I find the smallest bit

of condor crap on my fancy duds...

- Well, we gonna have us...

- (crunch)

Didn't I tell you I'd rip 'em off

if you don't watch yourself?

Let go, evil midget!

Come on, Eight-Ball,

we were just havin' us some fun.

- Really?

- Ah! (grunts)

Okay... okay...

Let go.

- (laughs)

- Get outta here!

How 'bout a home-cooked meal

for you and your little 'un?

Once that Ferris wheel is finished,

it's gonna bring everybody rushin' back,

And then we can take the word

"travelling" out of "travelling circus."

Hey, Ron.

(slurring) Welcome to the

Eighth Wonder ofthe World!

Get down here!

The chow bell ringin'!

Ha!

(light applause)

(woman) Bravo, bravo.

(laughs, applause)

Gonna grab some vittles with us?

No thanks.

Not hungry.

I-I-I b-baked a cake.

Come on, Ron!

What the hell's up with her?

You, I knew you was trouble the moment

you walked into this...

(gurgles)

(snores, laughter)

(woman singing operatically)

(squeals)

Sounds even better from inside.

(singing continues)

You ever seen

one ofthese before?

The sound it's makin'?

It's called "opera."

Day my poppa found his first chunk

of gold,

he went out and bought this thing.

Listen.

Here's my favorite part.

(narrator) So at the edge of the desert,

in a busted town full of broken people,

the warrior began to learn stuff

he shoulda learned a long time ago.

(squishing)

No, no! Rough!

Like the joy

of gettin' dirty things clean.

(laughs)

Yes!

Woo hoo! That's me!

(laughs) Thank you!

I told you to aim at the line,

not at the coin!

All right! (laughs)

He also learned the joy of losing.

You're gonna need blood and bone of

about 100 dead buffaloes as fertilizer.

Smiley always tried

to get something to grow.

Never, ever lasted too long.

He learned you could be happy

workin' with folks.

And findin' the simple peace

in some private time

after a hard day's work.

(door bell chimes)

What's takin' you so long?

Come on, Skinny!

You gonna miss it. Come on.

(door bell chimes, door closes)

(train whistle blows)

And he found that it's nice

to have a few friends around

when the sun goes down.

But most of all, the warrior learned

there's a heck of a lot more pleasure

makin' things grow

than there is in cuttin' 'em down.

(laughter)

You bunch of pups!

Gimme back that goddamn bottle!

You win.

Show me what you got.

God damn!

I shoulda never taught you this game!

You a shark with a poker face.

What happened to her?

(woman whimpers) Please!

Help me!

- Help me!

- Lynne!

- Please! Let her go!

- Someone, help me!

- Eight-Ball!

- Lynne!!

(man) Hungry?

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