The Tuxedo

(water splashes)

(lilting melody played

on acoustic guitar)

(violins join in)

(French horns playing)

(trumpets join in)

(solo guitar resolves melody)

(water gurgling)

(water gurgling)

(pastoral theme music begins)

(water gurgling)

(music soaring)

(music stops)

(espionage-flavored

techno-pop intro)

(water gurgling)

(French horns playing melody

over techno beat)

# #

# #

# #

# #

# #

# #

(theme music ends)

Come on.

WOMAN:

Central Security Agency.

This is Wallace.

Operation Big Drip

is cresting Level Two.

I need Devlin.

I need him now.

WOMAN:

Hold, please.

No, no, don't put me on hold!

- (dialing)

- Mother...

(groaning)

(whooshing)

(retching)

(gurgling)

WOMAN:

Hello, Agent Wallace.

I need your nine-digit

security code, please.

Hello? Agent Wallace?

Agent Wallace?

(phone beeps off)

Agua la vista... baby.

MAN:

Hello, my name's Jimmy Tong

and I was wondering

if there's anything I could say

that would convince you

to have lunch with me.

MAN 2 (imitating woman):

Oh, Jimmy, you're so cute.

Let's go back to your apartment

and make like... donkey.

You got me nervous again.

It's just a salesgirl.

To you... but, to me...

I dream of her

before I ever saw her.

No, that there! That!

Shh.

That is the line.

Go tell her that. That line.

Listen.

Hi.

My name is Jimmy Tong.

When I see you,

I have a wet dream.

Is that what I say?

No, no, you know...

just ask her out to lunch now

and later,

we work out that line.

But hurry up, man.

We be wasting time, man.

Come on. We have to drive.

(anxious sighing)

And whatever you do,

do not be yourself.

Just joking.

(sighs)

WOMAN:

Thank you so much.

You're welcome. Good-bye.

(sighs)

I can do it.

Hi. My name's Jimmy Tong.

Okay...

(exhales)

Hi.

Hi.

Pretty colors.

Will you excuse me

for just one moment?

Okay.

(anxious sighing)

Ah...

Just between us guys...

you don't come around

here for the art, do you?

Who would?

Heh. Yeah.

Uh... let me,

as owner of this gallery

give you a little bit

of friendly advice.

Don't waste any time.

You go over there and

you ask Jennifer out.

You think so?

Yes. That way, she can say no

and we can get on

with our little lives.

Thank you for your advice.

Yeah.

Hello. My name Jimmy Tong.

What can I say to convince you

to have lunch with me?

("Love's Theme" disco music

playing)

(groaning)

Oh!

(groaning in pain)

I'm sorry. Are you hurt?

I'm terr... I didn't...

(growling)

(howling)

Come here, you little runt.

(gasping)

Hi. Hello.

(growling)

(woman screams)

(honking)

Get back here! Come here!

Where'd you go?

Where are you?

Sauer... sauerkraut

or sauercrop?

Sauerkraut?

(roaring)

(clanks)

(grunting)

Hey... hey, hey!

Hey! I just washed that car.

What the hell

wrong with you, boy?

Want I jam this in your ass

and break it?

You want a go? Come down here.

Whoa, whoa, wait, oh.

Not too fast.

- Not too fast.

- (tire iron clanks)

Hey, I just want to talk.

Eh, eh, you do that

there, man. You do that.

Oh, you're scared now.

(clucking)

Just-just go

and get yourself

some training wheels!

Go get a tattoo of a chicken!

Go!

I thought all your

people know karate.

Not everybody Chinese

is Bruce Lee.

Just calm yourself, eh,

Jimmy, calm yourself.

Just not my day.

Whoo! Wow.

Do you think you can get me

to 70 Fleming Street?

Of course. Wait a second.

(metallic thumping)

(blowing)

You Jimmy Tong?

That's who I am.

Who are you?

The name is Steena.

So, how come you drive so fast?

More fares.

Mmm. Is that why

you had your license

suspended nine times

for speeding?

But no accidents.

Do you remember where I'm going?

Get me there before

I finish putting on my makeup

and I'll, uh, double the meter.

You serious?

Do I look like

I have a sense of humor?

Okay.

(engine roaring)

Hurry, open the gate!

Hey, Jimmy... ho, ho, ho, ho!

(speaking Chinese):

LAZY ASS! OPEN THE GATES!

I'M ON MY COFFEE BREAK.

SHUT UP, OLD MAN!

IT'S JIMMY, YOU FOOL!

DON'T RUN OVER THE CHICKENS!

You drive too fast!

Oh, I got mad skills,

I will get wild

I got mad skills, I will

get wild

I will get wild,

I will get wild

I got mad skills,

I will get wild

I got mad skills, I will

get wild

I got mad skills,

I will get wild

I will get wild,

I will get wild...

Yeah, I got mascara

and eyeliner left.

You got five blocks.

(sirens blaring)

(tires screeching)

(horns honking)

Don't tell me

you're slowing down.

(honking continues)

You know, you drive like

an old woman.

Hmm.

You're not scared, are you?

(honking)

(tires screeching)

(horns honking)

(tires screeching)

(horns honking)

I got mad skills,

I will get wild

I got mad skills, I will

get wild

I will get wild,

I will get wild.

(whistle blows)

Hey, you!

What do you think you're doing?

Back off, buddy.

She's mine.

Oh, it's you, miss.

Well, you lived up

to your reputation.

The job is yours.

I have a job. A good one.

Oh, yeah? How much do you

make at this "good job"?

$475 a week, plus tips.

So how would you like to make

$2,000 a week

plus room and board?

When do I show up?

Tomorrow morning, 7:00 a.m.

You'll be driving

Clark Devlin, Mr. Tong.

DOORMAN:

Good day, miss.

Now, you!

Out of here!

(birds chirping)

STEENA:

Good morning, Mr. Tong.

Huh.

You put your face on

without me, huh?

Please have a seat.

Those are the house rules.

Memorize them.

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