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Wait, wait, wait!
(man) Oh, great.
Don't touch that dial. It's not Texaco's Hour.
It's Dr Abby Barnes with "The Truth
About Cats & Dogs" and you're on the air.
Oh, hi. This is Charles from San Pedro.
my basset hound, Clothilde.
- She doesn't wanna seem to eat.
- Well, you know what, Charles?
Basset hounds won't eat what they
can't smell. Does she have a cold?
Is it like a dry wheezing type of cough...
...or is it a wetter, phlegm-based cough?
- OK. Can you put her on?
- The dog? On the phone?
Clothilde, come here, baby!
- Here she is, Doctor.
Oh, baby! Yeah, she's got a cold, Charles.
You're gonna have to take her to the vet.
- Right now?
- Right away.
- Yes. Hello?
Yes, my name is Dan, OK? And I have a cat.
And he licked me up and down my face
and now I got this awful-lookin'rash.
- You're allergic to his saliva, Dan.
- No, I'm not.
But he licked your face
and now it's all gross, correct?
- Well, yeah.
- OK. How long did this tongue-bath last?
Well, it started at one...
- Oh, Dan!
No, no, it doesn't seem to hurt him any.
He's a fur person, Dan. He chases imaginary
bugs up the wall. Are you gonna do that too?
- Imaginary? No.
- OK, this is a good time to talk about limits.
You can love your pets,
butjust don't... love your pets.
How are you?
Wanna come read with me, huh?
Sweetest of all possible
sweet cats in the world?
You're going to paint, and I'll watch.
Now you can watch me read.
Well, can I have a kiss?
You didn't kiss me when I came home.
Thank you. Thank you, my lovely.
- (knock at door)
- (man) Noelle?
Down the hall!
- (knocking continues)
- Come on, baby. Open up! It's me.
Ass. What an ass.
- You're not Noelle.
- Not today, no. But try again tomorrow.
- Who knows? You might get lucky.
- Is she...?
(Noelle) Over here, Roy!
- (Noelle) Sorry.
- It's OK.
Hello. My fish, he's depressed.
tranquillised him in a 10% diazepam solution.
- But he's not moving now. Do I take him out?
You're sedating him,
not poaching him. Get him out.
answer some more calls. Don't go away.
- Bring it on.
Fan mail, fan mail, fan mail...
...horse too fat.
- Oh, my God.
Bad dog, mad dog, sad dog...
...stinky cat problems.
- We're back in 30, Abby.
Oh, my gosh. Hey, Mario. I know her.
- No, you don't. Women like that don't exist.
- Yeah-huh. This one exists in my building.
Abby, you've got a caller on line three
who says his dog is hysterical.
- Hi, this is Dr Abby Barnes. You're on the air.
- (English accent) Brian from Venice.
- Hi, Brian. What's up?
- I've got a dog here that's a bit... out of sorts.
- Um-hm? And what's wrong with your dog?
I see. And how did your dog
end up in roller skates?
He's not my dog.
I got him from the pound this morning.
I'm a photographer
and it's part of this shoot I'm doing.
- I thought you said he was a professional.
- He is. He's used to Chihuahuas and poodles.
It's the dog that's unprofessional.
Everyone, it's gonna be fine,
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"The Truth About Cats & Dogs" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 17 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_truth_about_cats_%2526_dogs_22321>.