The Stuff

1

( gurgling )

What the hell is this?

So smooth! Huh!

That tastes real good!

Tasty! Sweet!

MAN:
Harry, what are you doing

down there? Taking a leak?

- No.

- Want us to wait for ya?

Uh... No, no. You guys go ahead.

I'll catch up to you later.

Well, I'll be damned.

Whatever that could be,

it's mighty good.

Mm.

Harry, what are you doing,

eating snow?

You outta your head, buddy?

If this is snow... Try it.

- No. I don't eat snow.

- C'mon! Give it a try.

That's not snow. Try it.

HARRY:
Huh?

What the hell is it?

You know, if this stuff keeps

bubbling out of the ground,

there might be enough over here

that we could sell to people.

BOY:
Ow!

Jesus Christ! I'm being eaten alive.

( sighs )

I'm burning hot!

( tap running )

( squelching )

You scared me! You shouldnt be

walking around here like this.

What are you doing down here? I thought

you were a burglar or something.

- I was hungry.

- You were hungry?

Did you see?

- See what?

- It...

What's the matter with you, anyway?

It was moving!

Listen to me, young man. Get your butt

back to bed! You understand?

Don't ever pull this on me again.

Move!

( cutlery rattles )

When I was a little girl,

I didn't think there was anything

that I liked better than ice cream.

Now I'm a big girl

and I've decided there's something

I like better. Much better.

It's called The Stuff.

And believe me,

enough is never enough.

( seagulls calling )

A month ago, they acquired the

Chocolate Chip Charlie chain of outlets

on the West coast,

with the intention of converting them

and being in business in 60 days.

After that, they'll go national.

I wish to hell we knew how they make it.

Yeah, we could copy it.

What I meant to say is, uh,

"we could, uh, improve on it".

Apparently, we've had no luck

in analyzing the ingredients

and no luck getting close to anybody

inside the company.

That's why I've asked Moe Rutherford

to come here today.

Huh. Look, are you sure we want to get

mixed up with industrial spies?

Look, I want results

and he's the best there is.

It's men like Moe Rutherford

that help us stay in business.

Yes, I suppose we do have to keep

the world safe for ice cream.

Didn't you used to be

with the Bureau?

At least I didn't get my ass kicked out,

like you did.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I missed out on Abscam, DeLorean,

all the good times.

Well, just follow me, hotshot!

Let's see if you're worth your money.

Oh! This is some place

you've got here, fellas.

- Hm.

- Gosh! Let me, uh...

That's a sweaty palm.

That's two sweaty palms.

Let me feel you!

Ah! That's another sweaty palm.

- Yes, sir. Hello, sweaty palms.

- How do you do?

- So, tell me about The Stuff.

- You've been briefed on this problem.

Well, I don't understand why you didn't go

to the Food and Drug Administration.

Well, for one reason or another,

right after it was approved,

most of those involved resigned.

They're either out of the country

or on vacation.

Or they have been, uh, paid off!

That is the American way, you know.

We've never had so much trouble

getting information out of a company.

Don't you worry about that.

Every stone wall has a chink in it.

I'll get inside there, penetrate

the company, do some damage.

- But it's going to be expensive.

- Look!

We don't want to know how you do it.

Just, uh... do it!

I understand. You guys don't like me.

I heard it on the tap there.

Someone said I'd been fired

from the FBI, I'd been blackballed,

that I was obscene.

Someone here said I was obscene.

Who said I was obscene?

How the hell did you know that?

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