The Starving Games

Synopsis: Set in the most depressing corner of a post-apocalyptic future, our heroine Kantmiss Evershot (Maiara Walsh) volunteers to take her manipulative younger sister's place in the seventy-fifth annual "Starving Games." In doing so, she must leave behind her smoldering just-a-friend Dale (Brant Daugherty) and team up with the geeky baker's son Peter Malarkey (Cody Allen Christian) in a fight for her life. But wait, there's more! She could also win an old ham, a coupon for a foot-long sub at a six-inch price, and a partially eaten pickle! In The Starving Games, Friedberg and Seltzer's sixth cinematic spoof of box-office hits, the prolific parody duo has its sights trained on the adventure blockbuster The Hunger Games! It's all the laughs and half the calories as they sling dozens of cock-eyed, barbed arrows at sci-fi, action and fantasy films from The Avengers and Oz the Great and Powerful to pop culture characters and celebrities like Harry Potter and Taylor Swift.
Genre: Comedy
Production: Ketchup Entertainment
 
IMDB:
3.3
Rotten Tomatoes:
0%
PG-13
Year:
2013
83 min
Website
581 Views


1

Hey, Kantmiss!

I am the great

and powerful--

Aah!

Dale!

Just wanted

to surprise you.

You made me miss my shot.

Ow.

Son of a bitch!

My back!

Look what I got.

Is it real?

Ohh!

Psych!

It's gag bread!

Look at you.

Right.

You know...

we could run away

from here.

We could live

someplace else.

Like where?

Anywhere that's

better than here.

Darfur. Syria.

New Jersey.

Dale, that's--that's

romantic and all...

but I can't leave

my sister.

I can't leave either.

My dear, old grandma

depends on me to feed her.

God, I am never

having kids.

I mean, how can

you raise a child

in a world

where they televise

all of life's misery and

inhumanity and then pass it off

as some sort of twisted

entertainment?

"The Hunger Games."

"16 and Pregnant."

Good morning,

hungry citizens

of District 12.

In today's news,

we still have no food,

and the weather

will be shitty.

Oh, and don't forget,

today is

the Gathering Ceremony,

so, parents, please bring

your beloved children

to the square

for a random death lottery.

Thank you.

I heard that some kids

are so afraid

of getting picked

for the Games

that they'll actually

try to get disqualified

by injuring or

maiming themselves.

That's an urban legend.

Uhh!

Get in line.

Oh, come on,

bitch.

Ipso facto p--

Your movie franchise

is over.

Get back in line.

Get back in line.

Bloody dick.

Hey, no talking.

Keep it moving.

I gotta find my sister.

Good luck.

Petunia.

Kantmiss.

Hey, Mom.

I'm scared, Kantmiss.

I'm scared.

Hey, hey, don't be.

I got you this.

It's the most courageous bird

that there is...

a chicken.

When you wear this,

nothing bad can happen to you.

Shh. Shh.

No, don't cry.

You're gonna

be fine, okay?

I promise.

Keep moving.

Line up!

Girls on the right.

Boys on the left!

Welcome to the 75th annual

Starving Games.

Oh. Oh! Ohh!

Hey.

Ohh!

But that was

my sausage!

And now a video

from our esteemed leader,

President Snowballs.

He once killed

his own mother...

because she forgot to cut

the crust off his PB&J.

His only Facebook friend

is Mel Gibson.

He has an online blog

that gives away

the endings of movies

without ever using the

disclaimer "spoiler alert."

What?

He is...

the most terrible man

in the world.

I don't always like beer,

but when I want one,

I choose Tres Equis.

Tastes like piss water.

Aah!

Every year, I make you

watch this video,

because, well,

you're dumb.

People forget

how in the past

shit really hit the fan.

Corporations got too big,

and people lost trust.

They staged sit-ins.

They rioted.

You elected Lady Gaga

as President

and her running mate

Nicki Minaj.

That's why we wear

these kooky clothes now

and have bizarre hairdos.

Then I took over

and separated the country

into districts

so that stupid shit

never happened again.

Aah!

You've proven that democracy

doesn't work,

and I'm here, in my sixth

self-proclaimed term,

to ensure that all free will

is expunged,

never to rear

its ugly head again.

Yes, that brings us

to today.

Just to prove what

a sick, sadistic prick I am

and how you have

no control...

and admittedly after

watching "The Running Man"

and the Japanese

cult hit "Battle Royale,"

I came up with

the Starving Games.

Two kids from each district

are selected

to play a game to the death

with only one survivor.

The winner is to be

showered with a bounty,

including an old ham...

Oh, I love old ham.

this coupon to Subway--

buy any foot-long

for a six-inch price--

and...

a partially eaten pickle.

So happy Starving Games,

and may the odds be

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