The Spat

---

THE SPA:

DAUBRAY -LACAZE

CLEANING MATERIALS

Bernadette, are you asleep?

-Yes.

Did you hear that?

-What?

A spy. I'm certain.

I saw him.

He's looking for the designs.

Let's go.

-Let's go.

Go on.

Not through there, through there.

Oh, it's the cat.

Open up. It's me.

-I'll boil him.

Open up. Open up.

-It's not a burglar. It's the idiot.

Yes, the idiot.

What are you doing there?

-I was patrolling.

Better cover yourself.

-So did you see anybody?

Yes, you, but it was too late.

-He was only following orders.

He's a fool. A fool.

I don't want it.

Doctor's orders.

-He's an a**hole.

Why?

-For coming on to you.

Swallow this. -No.

-Swallow.

Bernadette...

-We've been married for 23 years.

I've been your wife as a girl

and I've been your wife as a woman.

I admire you and I love you,

but now I'm tired.

I can't sleep.

-Just count your workers.

One worker, two workers...

...three workers, four workers...

...five workers...

It has to smoke more.

We need to pollute.

Why?

-For my Japanese.

The little one.

Quickly.

No, no, that one's mine.

The neighbours will be happy.

I don't care.

Leave Arthur in peace.

-Where are you?

Here. In front of you.

-But where?

The lunch!

-Yes, it will be ready.

But there's 12 of them.

-Don't worry.

Where's the fog gun?

-On the hill.

They'll fire in half an hour.

-What's the signal?

We'll wave a white handkerchief.

-Yes, we'll go like this.

Come with me.

Did you get me the sole and the pollack?

-Yes, Mrs. Daubray.

What's the recipe called?

-Hondazaki.

I don't know that.

-It's plated raw.

With cider vinegar and soy.

I'm sure that's your husband again.

-Yes, that's my husband.

My Japanese buyers. Look.

-Take it easy, boss.

I know this road.

I can see it clearly.

I'm here.

They're Japanese.

-My Japanese!

Excuse us. We're lost.

-I'm sorry. Where's the president?

He's there.

Mr. President! Mr. President!

Give me your hand.

-Come here.

I can't. My suit.

Sir! That's not the president.

It's the other one.

Mr. President, wait.

I'm Mr. Daubray-Lacaze.

Hichumacho.

-To the car, my good President.

This is the famous CX22...

...for which you made the trip.

No pictures. No pictures!

No pictures.

No pictures.

What were you doing?

Photo finished.

My CX22 cleans up all noxious fumes...

...dust, mist, noxious particles...

...exhaust fumes... all the pollution...

...that we inhale in the cities.

It does this within an area of 4 km.

Let's give a demonstration.

There we are!

The president asks where all the fumes go.

-They're completely disintegrated.

What's he saying?

-Hei means Ah!

What's he saying?

The president wants to buy.

-To my office!

What's that?

Windmill with accumulator.

I use the accumulator. Breathe.

In the morning, you put it in the window.

The wind blows. It charges.

And in the evening, you have electricity

until the next morning,

To my office!

Solar oven.

He's buying.

-To the office!

And that?

-This is where it started, 50 years ago.

I was really young.

And I made it all.

He wants to buy.

-No, I couldn't. To the office!

Mr. President, for how

much are you buying?

-3.

-3000.

-3000! Let's sign right away.

Contract.

-Pen.

A pen, please.

Oso disi doso.

Lunch is served.

Sit down, gentlemen.

Mr. President, please sign here.

The president will sign...

...the contract after lunch.

French cuisine's excellent.

No, not that.

Bernadette, the calvados.

What?

-The calvados.

But Guillaume, the culinary arts...

-Yes, but business...

The shot of calvados

is a French tradition.

Much like hara-kiri is an old

Japanese tradition.

Calvados... head back!

Attention.

-Bottoms up!

Calvados!

-Bottoms up!

That hurts.

But immediately after...

appetite... appetite.

Calvados... heads back!

Bottoms up!

Calvados... heads back!

Bottoms up!

And now sign.

Calvados!

-No, sign first.

No, now the cheque.

No, with this.

How much?

Zero.

Zero.

And sign, please.

Oh, marvellous!

Oh, thank you!

It's over. Finished.

Old French custom. The plane to

Tokyo. Right away.

That's so pretty.

What's it called?

-Summer Night's Smile.

Ah! 3000!

-3000 what?

I have to deliver 3000 CX22s in 3 months.

-Calm down.

It's been signed.

-But you wanted it.

We have to expand.

-Make yourself bigger. You love that.

There's the land of the Count De Morton.

-Impossible.

You beat him three times in the elections

-The land of Mrs. Bourgoin then.

But she's not dead yet.

-She's not dead?

There's that piece of land.

-But that's state property.

So it depends on the prefect.

He's a friend.

I'll go see him tomorrow.

Which one...

...for a prefect?

-This one.

It looks sad enough.

-Help me.

You should be able to do that by now.

Will you be nice to the prefect?

Good day, my friends.

How is Mr. Daubray-Lacaze?

-Very well!

My wife's doing fine as well.

I wanted to ask you. Which disease

did you come up with to give her...

... an injection every morning?

-Are we a bit curious?

There.

Perfectly natural manure.

Dear friend.

Very fresh. Still warm.

You're so nice.

Which disease did you come up

with to visit me every day?

Oh, Bernadette.

-This "Oh" is a confession.

Did you see your factory's chimney?

The fumes and the gasses?

I know. Guillaume has

been going for it.

So have my members?

-Your patients?

No. You know that I'm the president

of the ecological committee.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes