The Ritual

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(SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMEN AND BACKGROUND CHATTER)

(FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR

SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT)

MALE COMMENTATOR: Amira's

brought down just outside the area.

The keeper catches it comfortably.

It now looks like there will be

a substitution for the blues.

Gentry replaces Penny.

- Take your time.

- BARMAN:
You what?

Big head on that, mate. Thank you.

No problem.

MAN:
Oh, yeah, two weeks straight

drinking, man. What a great time.

Had a great time.

Felt better when I got home.

- (LAUGHS)

- Easy.

- What about... What about Ibiza?

- No, we're too old for Ibiza.

What are you talking about? You're

never too old for the island, mate.

That's what people who are too old

for Ibiza say. Where are the crisps?

Oh, I said, "Can I have crisps

for that guy,"

I pointed to you, and he said you're

not allowed to have crisps any more.

Said you're only allowed salads.

F***ing d*ckhead.

It's just what he said,

Dom, I'm sorry.

That's harsh, man.

Why don't we go to... Boom, Amsterdam?

- No, it's too touristy now, innit?

- All right, TripAdvisor.

- I'm not getting off my head again.

- Tuscany?

- Yeah, yeah, no, good wines.

- No.

- DOM:
Berlin, then?

- Nein.

- Belgium?

- Belgium?

Mate, no-one's ever been

to Belgium by choice.

- What's in Belgium?

- Beers that are like 42% or something.

What about hiking? Hiking in Sweden?

- Hiking?

- Yeah.

- Hiking.

- That's a good shout.

Come on, man, let's do something good.

- What's it called again?

- The King's Trail.

It kind of runs up between

Sweden and Norway.

You can go there in the summer.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's like

the Appalachian Trail, right?

Yeah. Apart from there's more history

than hill billies.

We wanna do something different.

I just don't want go to Amsterdam.

You wanna mix it up.

Yeah, it's not like we're 21 any more.

Oh, look, there's that...

I'm gonna get a bottle.

- Who's on it?

- No way. School night, mate.

I wanna crack on.

So no-one...

Anyone wanna come with me?

- Nope.

- Come on, Robert.

- Yeah, go on, then.

- Oh, man.

- Bad idea.

- Anyone want any sweets or anything?

You're not involved in that, are you?

- I'm getting an Uber.

- Yeah, good.

Don't you think that it's getting

harder now to have a good time?

Do you know that Phil actually

suggested making this brunch?

F***ing brunch. I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not gonna plan a lads' holiday

over a f***ing avocado on toast, mate.

- I'm just... I'm not doing it.

- Avocado's all right.

Do you really wanna go hiking?

Hiking, for fun?

- Yeah.

- In f***ing Sweden?

Yeah, I do. I dunno,

I just wanna test myself a little,

you know. A challenge.

What would be a challenge is getting

Dom on the side of a mountain.

Where's the vodka?

Just a shame, you know. It's a shame.

It's a shame what he's become.

Yeah. Yeah, big shame, yeah.

Big successful businessman

with a beautiful wife and children.

Yeah, no, it's a...

(WHIMPERING)

- (EXHALES SHARPLY)

- Don't f***ing argue, you c*nt!

There's more!

Where the f*** is it, huh?

- (WOMAN SOBBING)

- Stop f***ing crying!

(BOTTLES RATTLE)

Don't f***ing move.

- Give me your wallet.

- MAN 1:
Right, give it to him.

ROBERT:
Okay, okay, it's okay.

MAN 1:
Don't just stand there, do it!

MAN 2:
Give me your f***ing wallet.

- What else you got?

- MAN 1:
What else you got?

- (BOTTLE SMASHES)

- MAN 1:
Just take his watch.

- Give me the f***ing watch.

- All right, no problem, here.

- MAN 1:
Do it!

- ROBERT:
Okay, all right.

MAN 2:
And the ring.

ROBERT:
No. It's my wedding ring.

- MAN 1:
We don't give a f***!

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