
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
Admiral Collingwood!
Well, Admiral?
Great news, Your Majesty!
The French are defeated at last.
Also the Russians, the Portuguese,
the Chinese...
...and the Welsh.
Then our navy rules the ocean.
Almost entirely, Your Majesty.
"Almost"?
Unfortunately, just here,
little trouble with...
...pirates.
What does it say on
my royal crest, Admiral?
"I hate pirates,"
ma'am.
Exactly.
Hate them.
And their ridiculous hats!
And their endless, blasted roaring!
I want them sunk, Admiral!
Scuppered, smashed, fed to the sharks.
Do you hear me?
I hate pirates!
It's the looting.
It's the cutlasses.
It's the looting!
It's the cutlasses!
Looting!
Cutlasses!
Looting!
Sorry, Captain.
We were just discussing
what's the best bit about being a pirate.
You were, were you?
I suggested it might be the looting.
Whereas I contend it's the shiny cutlasses.
And I thought
it was the chance to catch exotic diseases.
Well, you're, all of you, wrong.
The best bit about being a pirate
isn't the looting or the cutlasses.
It's not the grog or the scurvy.
Or the scantily clad mermaids.
The best bit about being a pirate
is Ham Night!
Ham Night!
Ham Night!
Ham!
On your nose.
Go, Captain. Go, Captain.
Hey! Hey!
It's like a meat ballet.
- To Ham Night!
- Ham!
- And to the Pirate Captain!
- Pirate Captain!
Pirate Captain!
How was that, Number Two?
You've still got it, Captain.
I'd take a jellyfish in
the face for that man.
Okay, now, shush, shush, shush.
Settle down, lads. Shush.
- Lads, lads.
- Pirates!
- It's not all about me.
- Don't be modest.
No, no, no.
Behind every captain with glittering eyes
- and a luxuriant beard...
- Luxuriant!
That's what it is.
...there's a crew of briny rogues.
Briny rogues!
Sure, some of you
are as ugly as a sea cucumber.
Will you get away with ya?
Some of you are closer
to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate.
And some of you
are just fish I've dressed up in a hat.
But you're still the best crew
Don't forget Polly.
And not forgetting, never forgetting...
...Polly. The finest parrot
to sail the seven seas.
Come on, girl.
I love her beady eyes.
Who's the feathery
heart and soul of our boat?
Is it you? Is it you?
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
It's definitely you, isn't it?
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
Right. Where was I?
Ah, yes! Ah, yes.
Important announcement.
By order of the Pirate King himself...
The Pirate of the Year Awards?
Are you going to...
That I am, Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate.
I know it hasn't
worked out perfectly for the last...
-20 year.
-20 years, yeah.
Exactly, Pirate with Gout. 20 years.
It might be a bit more. 21, 22...
Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you.
- You were very good, though.
- Shush!
The point is,
every time I've entered, I've failed to win.
So by the sheer law of maths...
Maths.
...I must have a really
good chance this time.
Are you with me, lads?
Yes! This can only end brilliantly.
Then let's go plundering!
Land ho!
Blood Island.
So-called because
it's the exact shape of some blood.
Yeah!
Excuse me. Mind out.
Captain coming through.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
One Pirate of the Year
entry form, if you please.
Thank you.
Now, let's see.
"Booty"?
Oh, yes.
"Roaring. " Check.
Shanties.
I shall put "rousing. "
"Beard"?
Luxuriant.
Obviously.
Do you think I should sign it in blood?
Make it more dramatic?
Might be a bit on the showy side.
Bit too much. You might be right.
Pirate Captain.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"The Pirates! Band of Misfits" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 22 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_pirates!_band_of_misfits_21078>.