The Paleface

Synopsis: Someone is selling guns to the Indians and in order to find the culprit Calamity Jane and a secret agent go undercover posing as man and wife. When the agent is killed Jane recruits a new husband -- none other than innocent dupe "Painless" Peter Potter, a totally inept dentist and confirmed coward who's main goal is to leave the barbaric west far behind. When their wagon train is attacked by the Indians it's Jane's sharpshooting that saves the day, but she gives the credit to Potter making him an instant hero to the townspeople and instant target to both the Indians and the gunrunners.
Director(s): Norman Z. McLeod
Production: Paramount Pictures
  Won 1 Oscar. Another 2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
91 min

I don't know who you are, but

thanks. I'm goin' this way.

You're comin'

with us!

Calamity Jane.

All right, boys.

Wait outside.

Jane, I'm Governor Johnson. This is

commissioner of Indian affairs, Mr. Emerson...

and his secretary,

Mr. Martin.

I'll come right to the point.

We staged that jailbreak.

We wanted it to look as

if your friends broke you out.

We have a job for you which

requires absolute secrecy.

How 'bout that point

you were comin' to?

A group of white renegades is

smuggling guns to the Indians.

We've got to find out who they are

before we have an Indian war on our hands.

Six months ago we sent two of our best agents.

Their bodies were found horribly mutilated.

We thought we'd send a woman. A

woman who can take care of herself.

Like me, for instance?

Yes, Jane, like you.

We need your help


What's the price tag

on this?

Jane, you're facing a

jail sentence of ten years.

You get those men for us, and we'll

give you a pardon. A full pardon.

Gentlemen, I'd like to go on record

as saying we can't trust this, this-


I think we can.

Here's proof

of my confidence.

Well, it's mighty nice

of you. Reach!

Thanks for the drink,


Jane, outside that window

there's no pardon.

Unless you help us, the West will be

graced with the blood of white settlers.

Thousands olives.

Women and children.

You could stand

a little practice, son.

I'll take a look

at that pardon.

Keep talkin'. You'll

take the stage tonight.

At Fort Deerfield, contact

a lawyer named Jim Hunter.

There's a wagon train going west. You'll

join it. Hunter will pose as your husband.

As man and wife, you'll be lost

in the crowd on that wagon train.

You'll get further instructions from

Hunter. We're dependin' on you, Jane.

I'm depending on you.

And I wouldn't advise you

to cross me up, gents.

So she finally

agreed to go.

She'll be traveling as a lady,

but she's a killer.

A dead shot.

I found that out.

We'll get her. But get her when you're

sure she can't beat you to the draw.

Mr. Hunter.

Mr. Hunter.

Take a seat over there, dearie.

There'll be one ready in a minute.

Now, we'll take a- if you don't

mind my telling you, it's the one-

Please, no clues.

You'll spoil all the fun.

Pardon me.

One can detect an ailing tooth by the dull

sound that comes from it when struck by a hammer.

Hmm, that seems logical.

Yeah, here we go, please.


Ah, that's it!

There's the little doll

right there. Now, we'll jus-

Stand by.

After discovering the ailing tooth, the

next thing is to drill away the decay.

It doesn't seem logical,

but I'm game.

Well... now.

Open. Open wide.

This won't hurt us

a bit.

Where'd you go?

Steady now.


Where's the guy who calls

himself a painless dentist?

Hey, I got a tooth that's

killing me. Sit down, you're next.

I'll sit down.

Uh, uh. Oh, that's

what I say, you're next.

That'll be two dollars, please.

Never mind the two dollars.

Thanks. You're welcome. Hey.

Hurry up!

Open wide.

That's a happy

little dungeon.



There's an echo in here.

Well, now-

Never mind about that. When a

tooth's no good, you pull it!

Please, I'm the dentist.

I know what I'm doing.

What do you know,

he's right.

Well, now.

All right, open wide.


It's all right.

We'll get right into

the important stuff here.

Real wide now. Get something

- I thought you were gonna pull it.

Well, I have to dig a little

toehold for the pliers.

This won't hurt us at all.


Please, no singing.

Got a tonsil. I'm sorry.


Ah, got hair on the

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