The Nice Guys

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(BOBBY WHISTLES)

(SNORING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(SHUDDERING)

(COUGHS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

How do you like my car,

Big Boy?

(SIRENS WAILING)

(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

NARRATOR:
Bart, Sarah and Jonathan

are spending their leisure day

at the city pool.

Aren't they lucky?

Let's see what they have

brought with them to the pool today.

Bart has a plain towel.

Sarah has a bright towel.

Jonathan has a gay towel.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JACKSON:
There's something

wrong with kids today.

They know too much.

Take this little gem.

She's 13.

Already she's got herself a winner.

(GIGGLING)

Sure, he's three times her age,

but he's got money for pot

and he drives a nice car.

Who's the man, baby?

Who's the man?

-You are. You're the man.

-Yeah. That's right.

-That's right. I'm the man.

-Oh, yes. You're my foxy-fox.

JACKSON:
I'm not saying

I wasn't a little bastard.

I mean, I grew up Irish.

The Bronx. Riverdale.

I don't have a job title,

I'm not in the Yellow Pages,

but if you got trouble with someone,

someone's messing around

with your underage daughter,

you might ask around for me,

Jackson Healy.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

-Are you the man?

-What?

(GROANS)

Stay away from little girls.

Love. Grand, isn't it? I was in love once.

Marriage is buying a house

for someone you hate.

Remember that.

I'm here with a representative

of the Detroit Auto Manufacturers,

Mr Bergen Paulsen.

And, Mr Paulsen,

glad to have you here.

I understand that you're in town

for the big show.

Tell us a little bit about it.

Take a look at this outstanding line-up

we have here for you.

These cars are so incredible,

they practically drive themselves.

REPORTER:
I do have to ask you

about the allegations about collusion

-in regards to...

-(TELEPHONE RINGING)

...a smog control device,

the recent lawsuit against the Big Three.

BERGEN:
I'm not gonna dignify that...

HOLLAND:
You have reached

March Investigations.

This machine records messages.

Wait for the tone and speak clearly.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

HOLLY:
This is your daughter speaking.

Thursday, as you may remember,

is my birthday.

Please give accordingly.

Also I hope you didn't forget that

you're supposed to be working today.

(DIAL TONE)

(SIGHING)

HOLLAND:
I wish I wished for things, man.

-(SIGHS)

-(THUDS)

(BELL DINGS)

My folks, they told me

to reach for the stars,

and then my pals in the force

said reach for the brass ring,

and then my wife died

and I reached for whatever came

in a gallon and cost a buck fifty.

She used to say I got no follow-through.

I hit nails in halfway and stop.

-She's not wrong.

-(RAZOR BUZZING)

MAN:
Hey, there's a line, asshole!

-(CARS HONKING)

-Hey, what are you doing?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

They implemented a no-fault divorce here

a couple of years back

that really screwed things up.

A lot of private cops folded.

(GROANS)

Not me. I got this guy

in a local retirement park.

He kicks a few cases my way.

WOMAN:
It's my husband.

Fred's his name.

Fred.

-He's gone missing.

-Missing?

WOMAN:
I'm terribly worried.

It's just Fred's never been

gone this long before.

How long has he been missing?

Since the funeral.

-Well, I can start right away.

-(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

-Amelia?

-Mr Healy.

Um, I think there's two of them,

but I only have the name

and description for the one.

-You can take care of them?

-Consider it done.

Thank you.

-I feel better already.

-It's my job.

(AMELIA SIGHING)

They've been following me around

and asking my friends where I live.

I've just been really scared,

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