The New York Ripper

---

THIS ISN'T HAPPENING TO ME.

WHAT IS HAPPENING

TO YOU, SHAWN?

ONLY THE WORST THING EVER!

A MISSING CAPTAIN DELICIOUS

MAGIC MOOD RING!

DAD, THIS IS A CRIME.

CAN YOU HAVE THEM

ARRESTED?

FIRST OF ALL, SHAWN, NO,

THIS IS NOT A CRIME.

CAN'T YOU JUST HAUL THEM IN

FOR QUESTIONING?

LAY INTO THEM A LITTLE?

AND WHO IS "THEM"?

YOU KNOW, THE CEREAL PEOPLE?

OH, THE CEREAL PEOPLE, HUH?

I'LL TELL YOU

WHAT, SHAWN.

YOU CAN SPEND A LOT OF TIME

CALLING 411

TO GET THE NUMBER

FOR YOUR CEREAL PEOPLE.

THEY'RE GOING TO STICK YOU

ON HOLD FOREVER,

LISTENING TO BAD MUSIC,

FINALLY YOU'RE GOING TO GE SOME DIM-WITTED SECRETARY

WHO'S GOING TO TAKE

YOUR MESSAGE,

AND THEN SHE'S GOING

TO THROW I:

IN A WASTEBUCKET.

OR YOU CAN USE:

THE SKILLS I TAUGHT YOU,

AND YOU CAN OUTSMART 'EM.

WHAT AM I MISSING?

WHERE IS THE RING?

WELL, IT'D BE AT THE BOTTOM...

NOT OF THIS BOX.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE BIG OLD BAD CEREAL

COMPANY MESSED UP.

SO YOU GRAB ANOTHER BOX.

TOUGH LUCK.

WHERE'S THE RING NOW?

AT THE BOTTOM.

NOW I'VE GOT TO

EAT THE WHOLE BOX.

AND WHERE'S THE RING NOW?

AT THE TOP!

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU SEE,

SOMETIMES, SHAWN,

YOU DON'T HAVE

TO DIG SO DEEP.

ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO

IS TURN SOMETHING UPSIDE DOWN

TO MAKE IT RIGHT-SIDE UP,

AND THEN...

YOU GET YOUR PRIZE.

THANKS, DAD!

EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN

WHY WE COULDN'T SI IN A RESTAURAN

AND EA LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE.

MOVING IS GOOD, GUS.

IT HELPS THE DIGESTION.

PLUS, YOU AND I NEVER

DO THIS ANYMORE.

WHAT, EAT AND JOG?

NO, TALK. JUST TALK.

CHECK IN WITH EACH OTHER

AS MEN.

I WANT TO KNOW:

HOW YOU ARE.

I WANT TO KNOW:

HOW GUS IS.

REALLY? LIKE YOU'RE

REALLY ASKING ME?

YES, I'M REALLY ASKING,

BECAUSE I CARE.

WOW. OKAY.

WE'VE BEEN WORKING CASES

NONSTOP FOR A MONTH.

TO BE HONEST, I'M BURNT.

I JUST WANT TO TAKE A NAP.

I COULDN'T AGREE

WITH YOU MORE, BUDDY.

I THINK WE SHOULD

LAY LOW FOR A BIT.

NO MORE CASES.

OH, I'M SO GLAD

TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

I WAS KIND OF WORRIED

ABOUT TELLING YOU.

DON'T BE A SILLY GOOSE.

NOW, WE'VE HAD

A GOOD TALK,

I THINK:

WE BOTH FELT IT,

AND LOOK AT THIS.

HERE WE ARE.

WHAT IS THIS, SHAWN?

OKAY, HERE'S THE THING.

THE POLICE MAY HAVE

FOUND A BODY,

WHICH I MAY HAVE

PICKED UP:

ON MY POLICE SCANNER,

WHICH I MAY HAVE

BROUGHT WITH ME.

NO CASES, SHAWN.

NO CASES.

WE GO IN, WE SEE,

WE SAY HELLO, AND WE LEAVE.

SAY HELLO?

THIS IS A CRIME SCENE.

YOU CAN'T JUS WALK IN THERE.

McNAB!

NABBY!

[TO GUS]:
BUZZ.

BUZZ? SERIOUSLY?

DON'T YOU EVER

TALK TO HIM?

WHY WOULD I TALK TO

ANYBODY NAMED BUZZ?

SHAWN! MY MAN!

POW!

OKAY WITH...YES.

YOU LOOK TRIM.

SOMEBODY MADE THEIR

WEDDING WEIGHT.

FIVE MORE POUNDS.

I'M CLOSE.

BUT I STILL:

HAVE A MONTH.

YOU'LL GET THERE.

YOU REMEMBER MY PARTNER?

SURE, YEAH...

MATT, RIGHT?

GUS.

RIGHT.

SO, WHAT HAVE YOU GO GOING ON UP THERE?

DON'T HOLD OUT ON ME, NOW.

LOOKS LIKE:

SUICIDE.

THE GUY FROM THE PHONE COMPANY

FOUND THE VICTIM

IN HIS APARTMENT.

BEEN UP THERE:

FOR A FEW DAYS ALREADY.

A FEW DAYS?

YOU MIND IF WE HEAD UP,

TAKE A LOOK,

POKE AROUND A LITTLE?

AW, I DON'T KNOW.

LASSITER'S UP THERE,

AND HE'S

IN A MOOD.

YEAH, WE JUST...

WE GOT HIS COFFEE.

WANT TO BRING IT BY,

MAKE IT RIGHT.

OH, THAT'S NICE OF YOU.

HE ASKED ME TO GET IT,

BUT...

BUT THIS IS PERFECT.

HEY, DID YOU JUST SIP THAT?

YOU DON'T TASTE

LASSITER'S COFFEE

BEFORE YOU GIVE IT TO HIM?

THAT SURPRISES ME,

BUZZ.

HE'S SO PARTICULAR,

WITH NO CREAM, NO SUGAR...

IT'S THREE CREAMS, FOUR SUGARS.

YEAH, IT IS.

SHARP AS A TACK!

YOU!

AND FIT!

WE FOUND A NOTE.

THE BODY'S BEEN HERE

ATST THREE DAYS.

ALL SIGNS POIN TO AN 11-44.

THREE 11-44s

IN FOUR MONTHS?

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING

IN THE WATER.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN, LISTEN UP.

YOU KNOW THE PROCEDURE.

I WANT THIS DONE RIGHT.

I DO NOT WANT ANY MISTAKES.

HEY, BLOWIE.

I KNOW YOU'RE NEW,

BUT IF YOU WAN TO GET YOUR SPI

ALL OVER THE EVIDENCE,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST LICK IT?

CLEARLY HE DOESN'T NEED

ANY MORE COFFEE.

OKAY, THERE'S

THE DEAD GUY.

CAN WE GO NOW?

RELAX.

WE JUST GOT HERE.

HAVE SOME MEE KROB.

HOW DO YOU JUST EA

WHEN THERE'S A DEAD GUY

LAYING THERE?

WHAT, IS THAT RUDE?

AM I SUPPOSE TO SHARE?

FORENSICS.

ACT NATURAL.

OH, THAT'S IT!

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

RED PEPPER FLAKES.

IS THAT A CL:

OR SOMETHING?

NO, IT'S A DELICIOUS SPICE

AND IT'S EXACTLY WHA MY MEE KROB NEEDS.

I TOLD YOU THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THIS IS A CRIME SCENE.

YOU CAN'T TOUCH STUFF.

WHAT?

SERIOUSLY,

CHECK THIS OUT.

A MARINATING STEAK?

WHAT, YOU WAN TO EAT THAT TOO?

NO, BUT DON'T YOU FIND

THAT A LITTLE ODD?

THAT A MAN WOULD

EAT A STEAK?

THAT A MAN WHO WAS READY

TO KILL HIMSELF:

WOULD TAKE THE TIME

TO MARINATE A STEAK

FOR A FUTURE MEAL?

DUDE...

THIS WAS NOT SUICIDE.

THIS WAS MURDER.

THE DOOR LATCH IS STILL INTACT.

NOW, I ASK YOU,

IF YOU WERE GONNA KILL YOURSELF,

WOULDN'T YOU WAN THE DOOR TO BE LOCKED

SO NO ONE COULD BARGE IN ON YOU?

WHAT?

I DON'T--WHAT IS--

I DON'T--

WHAT IN THE NAME

OF SWEET JUSTICE

ARE YOU TWO DOING

IN MY CRIME SCENE?

YOUR CRIME SCENE?

THAT'S FUNNY.

I DIDN'T SEE YOUR NAME ON IT.

HEH HEH. GET OUT.

WE ARE.

JUST THOUGH YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW

THAT THIS THING HERE,

NOT A SUICIDE.

GREAT.

THANKS FOR THAT. REALLY.

AND THANKS ALSO FOR BRINGING

A SNACK TO THE CRIME SCENE.

OH, BOY!

I'M SENSING A...

I'M SENSING THERE WAS

SOMEONE HERE,

SOMEONE HERE:

IN THE ROOM:

WITH THE VICTIM:

WHEN HE DIED.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes