The Naked Kiss

I'm drunk, Kelly. Please.

What are you trying to do?

I'm drunk, Kelly. Please.

I'm drunk. I'm drunk.

I'm drunk.

$800! You parasite!

I'm taking only what's coming to me.

Fifty, 60...

I'm not rolling you, you drunken leech.

I'm taking only the $75

that's coming to me.

Ten bucks. Is that right, Mike?

Why spend your own money

on that punk?

Here's your ticket.

Thanks a lot, Griff.

I'll pay you back.

I'm giving you a break

'cause your brother was in my outfit.

I don't want to see you

in this town again.

Bus depot.

Yeah. Just a minute. Griff?

Sam.

- What's up, Sam?

- They're taking Danny to the hospital.

You want me to take his shift?

I'll pinch-hit for him tonight.

Please check my trunk.

I'll send for it later.

Thank you, ma'am.

Where is the washroom, please?

Inside and to the right.

Thank you.

Get on it and get lost.

- Pot roast tonight, Griff.

- I can't make it, Edna.

Aw, I wanted to finish that game, Griff.

- Danny's been taken to the hospital.

- His ulcer?

I'm pulling duty for him tonight.

What does "K" mean?

Oh, that's the name of the owner.

"K" is no name, Uncle Griff.

Bunny.

- Yes, Daddy.

- Don't you fool around with that.

- See you at home, Mike.

- Okay.

- Bye, Daddy.

- Bye.

That's enough to make a bulldog

bust its chain.

- Traveling saleslady?

- Uh-huh.

Staying long?

Long enough to cover this territory.

Well, there's one hotel in town -

special rates for salesmen.

What are you selling?

Angel Foam.

- Champagne.

- Best on the market.

What are the, uh -

What are the pens for?

Customers.

- Well, how about a sample?

- Uh-uh.

No free sips.

I, uh -

I'm pretty good at popping the cork

if the vintage is right.

Angel Foam - never heard of it.

It's an exclusive line

I'm introducing in this state.

Domestic or imported?

Angel Foam goes down like liquid gold...

and it comes up like slow dynamite...

for the man of taste.

If you can afford it.

- How much for a bull's-eye?

- Ten dollars a bottle.

Ten dollars?

Well, that's dirt cheap.

Well, we practically give it away

to the first customer.

It's called "goodwill" in business.

Ah, that's wonderful!

Just wonderful.

Thank you.

Not you.

I'm talking about my hair.

You're crazy, mussin' it up that way.

Oh, you'll never know

what a thrill this is.

It's all new.

- New?

- Mm-hmm.

It's just grown back.

- It fall out because you were sick?

- Uh-uh.

Don't tell me you had your head shaved.

Well, it wasn't my idea.

What happened?

It'll keep.

Well, at least you made

a 10-spot on Angel Foam.

I thought you gave me a 20.

You didn't have

enough wine to make you see double.

Oh.

"Moonlight Sonata. "

My favorite.

I see myself on a boat

when I hear that.

A boat on a lake... in the moonlight.

And leaves lazily falling on me.

- What do you see?

- I'm tone-deaf.

You can, uh -

You can sleep here, but...

just for tonight.

How long have you been a cop?

Is my badge that obvious?

Is mine?

Oh, I was taking no chances.

In my business, I have to.

Well, I don't see any battle scars.

That's because I practice

the first rule of the house.

Get in with the local law first.

It breaks the ice for later.

There'll be no later.

This town is clean.

What do you mean by that?

It means you and me will get along

like noise and a hangover...

if you pitch tent in my bivouac.

Boy, for a cop, you ought to read books.

"Goe-the," for instance.

- "Go" who?

- Goethe, the poet.

He said, "Nothing is more terrible

than active ignorance"...

and, mister, you proved him 100% right.

I'm not gonna start

a bubonic plague here.

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