The Marrying Man

I can't believe it. I'm married

six years and I'm still happy.

You're lucky. I think

Louise is cheating on me.

We're not cheating.

We're just good friends.

- Look, he's worried.

- He's joking!

Wait a minute.

Pull the cab over.

- This ain't the address.

- Be quiet!

Sammy! Tony!

Who's that singing?

- Sounds like Vicki.

- That is Vicki.

We'll get off here, cabbie.

George, pay the man.

- What!

- $1.80.

$ 1.80?

Your meter broken?

Fellas.

- It's her.

- Would you look at that?

It's her.

Here in your arms

I'm wealthy tonight

When youth has its fling

Love is the thing

While lovers fight for power

We can...

Walk among the flowers

They were the unhappiest

couple I ever knew.

And the happiest.

I thought the third time

they would have made it.

Love for you and me

Vicki and Charley.

Now there's a story.

I never told you this?

I'm sure I told you.

I'm gonna tell you the story,

and you're gonna think I'm making it up.

But I swear this is

exactly how it happened.

It all started on a warm

June night, 1948.

My friend, Charley Pearl, had

just announced his engagement...

to the daughter of the most

important producer in Hollywood.

Now, for a struggling

comic like myself...

this was a rare chance to get into

a big-time Hollywood mansion...

for which I otherwise

would've had no chance at all.

For Charley it was the beginning

of the biggest roller coaster ride...

in the history

of modern romance.

Adele Horner was

a new type dame for Charley.

She had class, education.

Nice girl.

You're the only woman

in the world for me, Adele.

In the whole world?

In as many worlds as they got.

But me and the guys couldn't get

over Charley getting married.

Here he is,

a good-looking guy...

with millions coming in from

the family toothpaste business.

To small-time

bachelors like us...

Charley Pearl was a god.

Five feet from

where we're sitting...

there are three directors

I would sell my mother to meet.

- You sold your mother last year.

- They returned her.

Don't ever be funnier

than me, sweetheart.

He's not in love with her.

I'll tell you that.

How do you know?

Well, he might love her.

But he's not hot for her.

So the hors d'oeuvres are hot.

Isn't that enough?

Why's he marrying her?

It's not as ifhe needs money.

She doesn't need his,

so I trust her.

For Charley that's

a hard thing to find.

Charley, let's not get

married unless it's forever.

I'm spoiled rotten.

And I wouldn't know how

to handle disappointment.

Every woman

I have ever been with...

has made her living

from disappointments.

I need somebody good and

solid to keep me in check.

I'll hold you to that, Charley.

I'll never let you out

of my sight.

Bite my mouth.

Go on.

Bite it hard.

No, Charley.

I don't want to hurt you.

You don't get it, Adele.

I like it when it hurts.

Ahem.

I'm sorry to intrude.

But your father...

would like a few moments

with Mr. Pearl.

Don't look so worried.

He already said yes.

He's been known

to change his mind.

It's too late.

I already made up mine.

Sit down, Charley.

Thank you, sir.

- Cigar?

- No, thank you.

- Brandy?

- Not for me.

Is it true you don't

smoke or drink?

Stains the teeth.

That's what my father taught me.

Makes you look impressive.

That's what my father taught me.

No vices at all, Charley?

Oh sure. All the ones

that don't stain the teeth.

Well, you got nice teeth.

How would you

characterize yourself?

As a playboy?

I prefer the word

"sportsman."

You don't give a damn

about impressing me...

- do you, Charley?

- I'm trying like hell to make

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