The Making of the Life and Death of Peter Sellers

Genre: Comedy, Short
12 min


OK, folks, here they come.

Lots of applause.

The marvellous Harry Secombe,

the delightful Spike Milligan...

Oh, and Peter Sellers.

This is the BBC Home Service.

It's time for...

Another remarkable 1957 edition

of the wireless, talking type... Goon Show!

You sir, with the linen hair and oily suit.

What is it that you want,

you sick and twisted boy?

I must ask you to empty your pockets.

Ah, quit stalling, man. Empty your pockets.

Now listen to me, Neddie,

that is our entire worldly wealth.

What, what, what, what, what? Then what's

that ominous bulge in the seat of his trousers?

Oh, just some leather meringues.

Listen to me, my good man, we'd like

to hire your stained-glass battering ram.

- Ooh, what for?

- How about two shillings?

- I haven't got two shillings.

- We'll take it anyway.

No! You dirty, rotten swine!

You broke my little cardboard sword.

A stowaway, I sayl Come on outl

All right, I will come out.

Send in Mr Sellers.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Mr Sellers.

- Now...

- Yul Brynner. Is that you with him?

Yes. Am I right in reading that

you're here for the part of Ned Brockway?

Yes, that's right.

You do realise the script calls

for a 60-year-old war veteran?

I've got his voice worked out.

I could do a bit for you.

Mr Sellers, I know you're quite big on radio...

I don't like to boast.

But film's a different medium.

It's one I'm quite, quite keen on.

- A visual medium, dear.

- Yes, of course.

A very unforgivingly visual medium.

But thank you ever so much for coming.

I am little Michael Bluebottle.

I am an ace private detective.

He's got his own scooter,

he's got his own make-up.

- He goes anywhere in fiction.

- And I am hotfoot after the criminals

what have stolen all the string!

I suspect the Moriarty man.

Ah, where is that Moriarty man?

- Thinks. Points finger.

- Pointy, pointy, pointy.

Oh, God, now we've done it.

- I'll get her, Anne.

- It's all right, I'll go.

No, it's my house, I'll help Peter.

You're tired. You stay and rest.

Have some fun.

Leave it to me and Peg.

All right, Dad, you can be

Major Dennis Bloodnok.

And you've just apprehended

England's biggest string criminal.

- All right.

- Peter?

You're under arrest.

It's all right, it's all right.

Dear, dear me.

That's the girl.

She's lovely. There we are.

Thanks, Mum. I'll... I'll do it.

Those film people won't have

anything to do with me, Mum.

It was my fifth audition this week.

- What did they say to you?

- Same as usual.

Not good-looking enough,

not magnetic enough.

"Stick to radio. That's what you're good at."

Keep being the ringmaster in a circus of twits.

Maybe I should just be content.

You simpering cow.

How can you be content changing nappies

in a flat like a woman?

You want to be a failure like your father,

mewl about contentment.

- That's not very fair.

- I didn't bring you up to be content.

I didn't slog round third-rate music halls

doing three shows a night

so you could powder your baby's bottom

and whine about how nobody

ever gives the radio man a chance.

Peter, no one's gonna hand it to you.

You want success,

you've gotta go out and take it!

Bite the hand that feeds you. There'll

always be another hand with more food.

And they'll be impressed

by the sharpness of your teeth!

Come here.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

- I love you, Peter.

- I love you, Peg.

- I really love you, Peter.

- I love you, too, Peg.

- I really love you, Peter.

- No, I really love you, Peg.

Send in Mr Cobblers.

Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Oh, it is.

Would you like to sit down, Mr Cobblers?

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this is the first script i writed. Sorry if my english is bad more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Making of the Life and Death of Peter Sellers" STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 5 Jul 2022. <>.

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