The Making of 'The Number 23'

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IA week ago,

the only thing I thought was

Out of the ordinary was

that it was my birthday.

Sorry.

I'm just bored.

Oh.

Unit 5, come in.

Unit 5, come in.

Do you read me, unit 5?

Of course, things

didn't really start here.

I I'll have a blue...

How do I look?

- The truth?

- I look like a rock star, don't I?

- You look great.

- Hey, what's going on with you?

- What?

- Why are you acting so weird?

- What do you mean?

- You got drugs on you? Smoking cigarettes?

- Huh? Oh, just holding them for a friend, huh?

- Have a good time.

- Ha ha.

- Have a good time.

Aggie, you okay?

- Sexy.

Do you hate me?

As much now as the day I met you.

- You know, I might be contagious.

- I could be immune.

- What about the party?

- Like they're gonna miss me.

What about the cake?

I'd like two

words on my tombstone--

"What if?"

What if I had said screw the cake?

Single tonight, Walter?

Not actually, no.

- Oh, hey!

- Oh, come on.

Why don't you wag your tail

at me in the b*tches' room?

- Sybil.

What if

I had been a bit more...

sybil, I wouldn't wag

my tail in the bathroom

With you if you were

the last b*tch on earth.

...tactful?

Sparrow, I repeat.

We have an unidentified

scavenger sighting.

It's one minute to 5:00, Sybil.

Then we're agreed you're still on duty.

Mm-Hmm, yeah, sure.

Sounds delicious. Can I get it to go?

Right.

Okay okay.

Come to papa.

Maybe you'd like to hear a story.

- Hmm?

Yeah, once upon a time

There was a dog

Who lived a life of terror,

Feared no one.

But although his teeth were sharp

And his belly full,

His heart was empty.

He decided to go on a journey

To a land far far away,

Where he came upon a

wooden shack one day

With a thin old man inside.

And he invited him in.

The dog...

was overjoyed.

And that night

Warm smoke billowed

from the chimney above,

But, oh...

what an odd-Smelling smoke this was.

You see, the land was china.

And in China,

- They eat dog.

- Whoa! Ooh!

Let me see who your

irresponsible owner is.

Oh, god!

Damn it!

Didn't like my story, huh?

That's all right. I can take criticism.

Oh, god.

Oh, I don't believe this sh*t.

All right, buddy, pick a spot.

Now where'd you go?

Destiny--

Maybe that's too big a word for it.

If I'd been nicer to sybil, she never

would have sent me after that dog.

I wouldn't have been

late to meet Agatha,

And none of this would have happened.

But I was late.

And that's all it took.

Oh!

- Take a look at that. Try not to throw up.

- Oh oh, god!

"Nasty

evil dog"--

That's what "Ned" stands for.

If I ever see him again, he's

gonna be Ned with two d's--

"Nasty evil dead dog."

- All right, now take a deep breath.

- Dead Ned.

- That's what he's gonna be.

- And remember,

It's your birthday, okay?

- Yeah, I've been thinking

about that. - Mmm-Hmm.

Why is it we go and see

your friends on my birthday?

Um...

probably because you don't have any.

- Oh.

Makes sense.

So I'm older, I'm disfigured,

And I'm spending an evening in hell.

- No.

- I suppose I'm buying that for you too.

Well, actually, I've had a good

long time to flip through it.

Why don't you give it a try?

Have some writer fill my head with

nonsense? I'll wait for the movie.

You don't know what you're missing.

Hmm, and yet life goes on.

"'The number 23.'

A novel of obsession by Topsy Kretts."

Hmm.

"A heart-wrenching

odyssey into paranoia.

One of the most horrifying

metamorphoses ever told.

Beware of the dog next door."

Get out of here. Are you kidding me?

I'm buying this for you, okay?

- Would you get the cake?

- Yeah.

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