The Love Section

---

(SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING)

It's Cinco de Mayo

out there.

(WHISPERING)

Are you up?

Hey, Lisa, uh, I just wantd

to say...

The name's Angela, by the way.

I know I...

Shh.

It is quiet time, playboy.

You just don't forget

to call me, okay?

Let yourself out.

Yes, we're scheduled to close

escrow on Friday, Mr. Baker.

Great, so I'll see you on

Thursday for the walk-through.

Okay, talk to you soon. Bye.

Me-lo-dy!

Hey, Joel, what's up?

Hola, Senor.

You got my text message, huh?

I don't know how

she sleeps at night.

(IN SPANISH ACCENT)

Tell me a little bit more

about this Angela.

Wow! It was incredible, Joel.

One of the more fascinating

evenings of my young life.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Did you just

say fascinating?

Yes, sir.

Yo, man, I gotta hear

about this, man.

Tell me what happened.

Well, first we went out

for dinner and then she

invited me to her place.

And I gotta tell you,

she did some things

that I did not think

a woman could do.

Potential side chick?

Oh, yes, sir.

(WOMAN MOANING)

Sorry about that, dog.

Joel, you really need

to do something about

that porn, bro.

No, no, no.

I beg to differ, bro.

Porno is one

of the main reasons that

I'm happily married today.

(LAUGHS)

I mean, you know me, man,

I love my wife,

but you need balance.

(LAUGHS)

All right, I'll tell you.

You the man.

Listen, man,

you are never

gonna be able

to settle down

if you don't start

beating off!

(ALI LAUGHS)

Look, Joel, I gotta go.

Wait, wait, hold on.

Just hear me out, man.

I mean, you have to be in tune

with your inner self, man.

I mean, beating off

is like a art.

You know what I mean,

like Picasso, Rembrandt?

You know the dude who used

the paint the paintings

on Good Times?

Listen, it ain't just abt

pulling your skin back, .

You gotta find a zone,

a rhythm. You gotta get in

there, you gotta stay there.

You know what I'm saying,

just gotta ride,

gotta ride the rhythm.

You know what I mean?

(ALI LAUGHS)

Laugh

if you want to.

I gotta go, all right?

You're killing me.

I will see you tonight.

All right, man. Hey!

Jack it.

(SIGHS)

JOEL:
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

I see my man over there,

looking like the Unabomb.

Looking like kill someboy

at any minute. Nice shir.

Where they do that at?

Y'all look good.

Y'all look good.

Oh, boy!

Yo, where are my Mexican

brothers and sisters at?

Hola!

Hola, mami! Aye yai yai!

Yo! I got a question.

What's up with all

the loud talking?

Yo, my neighbor, Jose,

this dude, is like

my personal alarm clock.

Like every morning 6:00...

Oh, yeah?

I was just telling

Joel about that earlier.

(MIMICKING IN SPANISH)

It's ridiculous, you know?

Salud!

Salud to you, too,

mami, esta bonita!

You need agrande papi,

I'll do it.

Hey, yo, but I'm gonna me

this show on.

Coming up next is

a very good friend of mi,

very funny. He's

from Oakland, California.

My man Pee Wee!

Show some love

for my main man, Joel!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Joel in the house!

So, I'm Pee Wee,

show me some love!

Pee Wee in the house,

you know how it is.

Ladies, ladies,

Pee Wee's in the house!

Yo, who's married

in the house? Anybody married

or got their old lady?

I tell my old lady,

see, like,

I'm a morning sex person.

I like to do mine

in the morning!

Now, morning people,

make some noise.

That's what I'm talking about!

See, I like to do it

in the morning.

So, one morning,

I'm waking up...

Uh-oh. Joel's night-vision

is on point, bro.

PEE WEE:
Get off me.

What do you mean

"get off you"?

Oh, man. That's Steph.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Steph. Old Steph,

with the titties!

Steph, who?

She looks

pretty hot to me.

You know what it is!

Like, oh, I see how it g.

I need to see what

her friend is talking about,

so, you gotta take one

for the team.

Ahh! Ali, man.

I said,

"Well, let me ask you th.

"Do you have a dentist's

appointment this morning"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Ah!

Y'all know what

I'm talking about.

Show Pee Wee some love!

That's what I'm talking about!

So listen, y'all,

that's about time.

I'm Pee Wee

from the Oak Town!

Show me some love,

I'm up outta here.

Thank you, thank you

and good night!

Yo, give it up again

for my man Pee Wee!

Yo, this next comic

coming to the stage,

is a very funny man.

He's performed everywhere.

Give it up for my man

J.J. Johnson!

(APPLAUSE)

Oh, sh*t!

J.J.:
Hey, how y'all doing?

His name is Chris. I thought

his ass was on cocaine,

'cause he keeps sniffing up

his damn nose!

Chris? You never told me

about no Chris.

'Cause it didn't

last long, girl.

What's he do?

He a lawyer.

A lawyer? A lawyer?

Girl, are you crazy?

A cheap-ass lawyer, honey.

Oh!

(APPLAUSE)

Yo, give it up again

for my man, J.J. Johnson!

Yo! So I wanna thank y'all

for coming out tonight to get

your giggle on at Giggles.

We're gonna do it

the same time next week.

Until then,

peace and love!

Ha, ha, ha!

What up? What up?

Yo!

Next week, new material.

I did new material.

Yo, Steph!

Funny seeing you here.

Oh, my God! Chris,

what a surprise!

Good to see you.

All right,

well it's been good.

Right. Okay.

Hey, Steph,

this is my friend Ali.

Ali, Stephenie. Your friend?

Hi. This is Sandrine.

Nice to meet you.

Hi, nice to meet you.

What y'all about to do?

About to get some food.

All right, it's good

to see you. All right.

Great. Good to see you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes