The Lone Ranger

(SLOW TUNE ON VIOLIN PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(CARNIVAL CHATTER)

CRIER:
Step right up.

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen,

and come with us to yesteryear.

Witness the Wild West as it really was.

The greatest show on Earth.

Fun and educational for you, young sir.

(VENDORS CALLING OUT)

Step right up to another time

of mighty beasts

and hard-hearted outlaws.

- (CRIER CONTINUES TALKING)

- (VENDORS CONTINUE CALLING)

(SIGHING)

(GUN POPPING)

Kemosabe?

Who? Me?

You bring horses?

I think you made a mistake, mister.

Mistake?

(PEANUTS CRUNCHING)

Make trade.

Trade.

(SOUND OF WINGS FLUTTERING)

(BIRD CAWS)

Who did you think I was, anyway?

Never take off mask.

Why not?

You sure about this?

Mmm.

Dead man strike fear

into heart of his enemy.

All right.

Let's do this.

(GUNSHOTS)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Easy!

(ALL GASP)

Ladies and gentlemen,

my colleague and I

will be making a withdrawal.

I understand this bank Is insured, so...

...nobody move.

What's with the mask?

See? I told you. I feel ridiculous.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

I guess I didn't make myself clear!

This is a damn bank robbery!

(YELLING)

WILL:
Wait a minute.

You're saying you're Tonto?

The Tonto?

There is another?

But the Lone Ranger

and Tonto were good guys.

I mean, they didn't rob banks.

Did they?

Come a time, kemosabe...

...when good man must wear mask.

(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

FOREMAN:
Run that next rail!

More rocks! They need

more rocks right there!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

WORKER:
Rail down!

(RAILWAY WORKERS CHANTING)

FOREMAN:
Shake a leg, chums!

(APPLAUSE)

My friends and citizens of Colby,

I've asked you here today

so you can see at firsthand

what I believe to be the single most

important enterprise under God.

The unification of

this great country of ours

by iron rail.

- (APPLAUSE)

- MAN:
Hear, hear!

To the Comanche,

I say you have nothing to fear.

As long as there is peace between us

all land treaties shall be honoured.

But to the outlaw,

those who prey upon the weak,

make no mistake, law and order

has come to the Wild West.

Which is why I am bringing

notorious outlaw and Indian-killer,

Butch Cavendish here

to Colby to hang for his crimes.

The future is bright,

ladies and gentlemen,

and it's just around the bend.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(GRAND WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

HORSEMAN:
Ride 'em out! Come on!

Whoa, girl!

(TAPPING)

Run a man all the way to state line,

put him on a train

and ship him right back.

Don't make no sense.

Guess they run out of

hanging rope in Oklahoma.

Mr. Cole wants to make an example.

Word is, Cavendish is

looking for payback with you, Dan.

Reckon so.

They say Butch Cavendish

ate a Red-Legger's heart

in the Missouri wars.

Swallowed it whole.

I heard it was the eyes.

Man told me he ate part of his own foot

just to win a bet.

NAVARRO:
Hell, he did.

MARTIN:
Which is it, Dan?

Don't see how It makes a difference.

What's the matter with him?

It's not Cavendish he's worried about.

PREACHER:
Like Daniel

entering the lion's den,

we shall stare down the beast.

ALL:
Amen!

PREACHER:
And purge

this Godless land

of the poisons of sin and licentiousness.

PASSENGERS:
Hallelujah!

PREACHER:
Dear God, grant us

thy mercy and wise judgment.

- Amen!

- PASSENGERS:
Amen.

PREACHER:
Thy equanimity

and singleness of purpose,

so we might prove

thy stalwart and worthy servants

in our war against sin. Amen!

PASSENGERS:
Amen.

Catch.

(CRYING SHRILLY)

(SHUSHING)

Baby, baby, baby.

- Care to pray with us?

- (GIRL CONTINUES CRYING)

We're Presbyterian.

I'm much obliged, ma'am,

but this, here, Is my bible.

(TRIANGLE CHIMES)

ALL:
(SINGING)

Shall we gather at the river

Where bright angel feet have trod

With its crystal tide forever...

(PASSENGERS CONTINUE SINGING)

(BANGS ON DOOR)

MUSTACHED RANGER:

It's almost hanging time, Butch.

Do you hear what I said, boy?

I'm gonna enjoy watching them

wipe that look off your face.

It's broke, Injun. Can't you see that?

(MIMICS SHOOTING)

(MUSIC BOX PLAYING SOFTLY)

KAI:
Very pretty.

For you.

Oh. No, I couldn't.

For you!

She's right.

It matches your eyes.

(CHUCKLES)

I didn't think

you'd make it out, Mrs. Reid.

Well, I just wanted

to see what all the fuss was about.

And, um,

what do you think of our endeavor?

Looks to me like

just a lot of men digging in the desert.

(CHUCKLES)

COLE:
Danny, one day soon,

you'll be able

to get on a train right here in Colby,

travel all the way to San Francisco

eating New York oysters packed in ice.

Then you can sail to China.

Come back around

the other way if you want.

That true, Mama?

Well, I'll believe it when I see it.

Here, let me show you.

You see that?

Now you try.

Oh, I expect on a lawman's salary,

quite a lot falls on you.

We do just fine.

Thank you.

Oh, I mean no disrespect.

They don't make men

like your husband any more.

In fact, I envy him.

A fine family.

A son to carry on his name.

I just hate to see a bird in a cage.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Well...

That Is right about on time.

(YELLING)

(CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)

(CHANTING LOUDER)

Shh!

Piss break, boss.

(CAVENDISH SIGHS)

(GRUNTING)

(PASSENGERS SINGING HYMN)

Grace our spirits will deliver

And provide a robe and crown...

(FOOTSTEPS)

(CHOKING)

(PASSENGERS CONTINUE SINGING)

(GREETS IN SPANISH)

Afternoon, ladies.

There's no need for violence, my son.

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