- 82 min
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Spanky- Go get 'em, Petey!
Stymie- Petey! what's up, pup?
Kid 1- Get it, Stymie, get it!
Kid 2- Hey, where's your mitt?
Kid 1- All right!
Kid 2-Good catch!
Man- Hello, Petey.
Froggy- Be back later, Mom!
Buckwheat- Got anything, Porky?
Porky- Not a bite, Buckwheat.
Porky- I got something! I got something!
Buckwheat- Me too! A big fat one!
Buckwheat- whoa! Yo, Petey, come here! Thanks, Petey!
Buckwheat- Hey, Porky, look! A note.
"high" sign? Go on in. You're okay. Wrong sign, Porky. Okay, go on in. You're okay, Elmer.
Butch- You little creep.
Kid- Sit down!
Stymie- Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our president, Spanky.
Kid- Hi, Spanky!
Kid- How's it goin', Spanky?
Kid- Nice to see ya, Spanky.
Kid- Hey, Spanky, what's up?
Spanky- How are ya? Good to see ya. Your fly's undone. Welcome!
Kid- All right, Spanky!
Kid- Hey, Spanky!
Butch- You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', woim?
Woim- Yeah, Butch. What are we thinkin'?
Kids- painfully... and suffer for hours...bloody murder!
Spanky- Ready to take down the minutes, Uh-Huh?
first, any good stories?
Porky- Women make men miserable.
Froggy- And she came over 'cause she wanted to play.
Froggy- But don't worry, I got back at her.
Kids- what'd you do?
Spanky- what'd you do?
Froggy- I whipped out my lizard.
Spanky- Good job, Frogman. Are you gettin' this, Uh-Huh?
car driver A.J. Ferguson.
Froggy- Men, can I have an "Azuga"?
Kids- Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga!
Porky- A He-Man so manly that if he fell off a building, he'd go out of his way to land on a girl.
Spanky- Say... where the heck is Alfalfa?
everything I need. You are so beautiful to me-eeee #
Spanky- There he is, you guys! Come on!Stymie- He's with a girl.
Spanky- Quiet, Petey.
Porky- They're together.
Spanky- Oh, no!
Buckwheat- This is awful.
Spanky- Buckwheat, hand me your fishin' pole.
souls with but one... shoe.
Darla- How nice.
Buckwheat- It's worse than I thought.
you'd like to sing with me.
Alfalfa- You mean it? I'd be honored. Hey, I've got an idea. Let me take you on a picnic
Stymie- Excuse me?
Alfalfa- The way you feed my soul...I can...feed your face.
Alfalfa- Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Swimming day. Sure!
Darla- Oh, Alfalfa! You're a sweetie poo!
Butch- All right, woim, ready for the test run?
Woim- Ready, Butch!
Butch- Look! There goes our bumper! All this work for nothing.
Alfalfa- Everything's workin' out perfectly. The guys are at the swimming hole, and I'm at home with a toothache.
Butch- Shut up! When's the last time we beat you up?
Alfalfa- Let's see. Today's the 10th. Thirty days hath September, April, June and November. It's
not a leap year. Y-Yesterday.
Butch- You're due!
Woim- I don't see nothin'!
Butch- Come on, you doink! Let's go! He can't run very fast. Come back here, you ugly little
Alfalfa- No! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! whoa! whoa! Whoa! Aah! Help! Whoa!
Alfalfa- I've come a-courtin'. These are for you.
Butler- Fifi! Good doggie.
Alfalfa- I'm Alfalfa!
Waldo- Yes, I'm sure you are.
Darla- And I'm Darla.
Darla- That explains why you're so refined.
Alfalfa- Yeah, and so oily!
Alfalfa- Yeah, the two of us...will both be singing a duet... together.
Waldo- How redundant.
Alfalfa- Thank you.
Darla- Whoa! What a hunk!
Girl 1- He's smoother than a baby's bottom.
Darla- Oh, you're so nice for bringing me here.
Kid- I can't see.
Kid- Move over.
Darla- A candlelit lunch! I'm dazzled.
Alfalfa- Excuse me. I seem to have a little... fahrvergnugen.
Darla- Uh... no problem.
Alfalfa- Grape soda?
Darla- Yes, please.Darla- To us. Mmm.
Alfalfa- Ugh! Ugh.
Froggy- Actually, it's a sneaker.
Alfalfa- This one. Why don't we swap? What's yours is mine...and what's mine is ours.
Darla- You know just what to say to take a girl's breath away.
Porky- This'll take her breath away.
Stymie- Porky, you sure know how to make a "sand wich. "
Porky- That wasn't sand. That was kitty litter.
Buckwheat- Don't worry, it's pretty fresh.
Alfalfa- You made a delicious sandwich.
Darla- So did you. Very crunchy.
Darla- It's beautiful!
Alfalfa- A kiss?
Stymie- Oh, man! Gross!
Kid- I can't take it anymore.
Kids- Get outta there! Open up!
Alfalfa- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Darla- why, thank you, Alfalfa.
Alfalfa, open this door!
Kids- Open up!
and...here's our closet.
Darla- Have you lost your mind?
Alfalfa- Do you wanna go in there?
Darla- Just as I thought. You are ashamed of me.
Kids- Open up!
Alfalfa- I just don’t want anybody to see you.
Darla- Well, that does it, mister. I'm out of here!
Kids- ... two...three!
Spanky- It's about time.
Alfalfa- Hiya, guys! You're back early.
Stymie- Well, we're going inside.
Alfalfa- No, you're not! It's such a nice day outside, isn't it? Nothin's going on in there.
Stymie- Hey, what's that noise?
Kids- Fire! Fire!
Stymie- You two, call the fire department.
Buckwheat- Yes, sir!
Kids- Ready! Fire!
Alfalfa- We're gonna need some more help. Get more people.
Kid- Put some more in the bucket.
Buckwheat- Quick! what's the number for 9-1-1?
Porky- How do I know?
Buckwheat- Let's go!
Telephone Operator- If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
Stymie- Here's the hose. Turn it on when I tell you.
Stymie- Spanky, over here! Go! Go! Go! Go! Faster! Go even faster! Wow! That is fast.
Spanky- Hey, beat it, pal! Stymie, let 'er rip! whoa!
Spanky- whoa! whoa!whoa!
Good-bye! Excuse me!
Darla- Sounds great! I had a hard day.
Froggy- Our lives are over.
Spanky- And it's all your fault!
Kid- That's right.
Kid- It sure is.
Froggy- All rise for Judge Spanky.
Spanky- How do you plead?
Alfalfa- Like this. Please, oh, please, have mercy, please!
Buckwheat- Hmm! Pretty good pleading.
Spanky- Hmmm. would you like to make a statement?
Alfalfa- I let my pals down, I let the club down...and I let my best friend down.
Alfalfa- Uh, uh...
Spanky- Court agrees.
about the wild dingoes?
Spanky- Deal with it.
about Darla...or else.
Kids- Yeah! All right!
Alfalfa- You are so beautiful to me.
Darla- I love you, Alfalfa.
Alfalfa- I want to die in your arms.
Darla- You do?
Alfalfa- Of course, not right away.
Kids- March! March!
Alfalfa- I'm off to join Sir Spankus.
Spanky- How's the toothache, bub?
Alfalfa- Uh... uh...
Spanky- Sir Alfalfa, haul butt!
(end of dream)
Spanky- Ease up, pal. It's just us.
Buckwheat- We came to keep you company.
Alfalfa- Well, why am I soakin' wet?
Porky- Don't worry, Alfalfa. I used to have the same problem.
Spanky- There's just a hole in the tent.
Alfalfa- No, of course not.
Darla- Why are boys such jerks?
Darla- Oh, no, no, no, no way!
Twins- Are you sure?
Darla- Why do they have to be so...
Spanky- Boys stand up for themselves.
Darla- Girls care.
Spanky- Boys take what's theirs.
Girl- Boys won't listen.
Froggy- All they wanna do is talk.
Twins- They like to moon ya.
Buckwheat- No, we don't! Gigglin' and gossipin'.
Girl- Fighting and farting!
Spanky- Barbies and bracelets.
Twins- Boogers and bugs!
Stymie- Ice skating.
Girl- Bungee jumping.
Froggy- Synchronized swimming
Spanky- And try to get 'em to sit still.
Girls- Boys! Ugh!
Boys- Girls! Ugh!
Boys- They smell...
Stymie- We need to buy some lumber.
Lumberyard worker- What kind?
Stymie- Wood! We took up a collection.
Spanky- Give us all the wood you can for this much, please.
Lumberyard worker- Paper or plastic?
Stymie- $450 for lumber?
Stymie- I don't know. You know what they say, wood doesn't grow on trees. Hey, you guys,
Kids- What's going on? What's up?
Spanky- All in favor say,"Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy!"
Kids- Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy...
Spanky- Thank you, my good man.
Spanky- Hello, my good man.
Loan Officer- Gentlemen, uh, have a seat.
Spanky- Can we sit down?
Froggy- Are you kidding?
Spanky- We can't sit down, my good man.
Loan Officer- What may I do for you?
Loan Officer- Of course. Do you have an account with us?
Stymie- And how!
Loan Officer- And what is your account...number?
Spanky- Uh, seven.
Loan Officer- Seven? Seven...?
Froggy- Try eight.
Loan officer- Heard enough.
Loan Officer- If you were my kids, I'd punish you!
Stymie- If we were your kids, we'd punish ourselves!
Loan Officer- You're not people. You're kids.
Spanky- Thank you.
Stymie- Good luck.
guys don't know what you're talkin' about. I have to see her!
Buckwheat- But that's a violation of your probation.
Alfalfa- I know! I'll write a message, and you two can take it to her.
Porky- Wait a second! we're He-Man woman-Haters. We can't deliver love notes.
Alfalfa- Love note? No! This is gonna be a hate note.
Porky and Buckwheat- good to me!
Alfalfa- Dear Darla, I hate your stinkin' guts! You make me vomit. You're scum between my...
toes. Love, Alfalfa.
Porky and Buckwheat- Otay!
Darla- What's up, guys?
Porky- Buckwheat, where's the note?
Buckwheat- Note, note. I know I got it here somewhere.
Darla- Come on, guys.
Porky- We'll find it.
Darla- I'm waiting.
Buckwheat- I know! I gave it to you.
Darla- What's going on?
Buckwheat- It's otay. I remember what it said. "Dear Darla: I hate your stinkin' guts. You make
Buckwheat- "You are scum between my toes.
Buckwheat- Love, Alfalfa. "
Buckwheat and Porky- whoa!
Alfalfa- Well, yeah...but was she upset?
Buckwheat and Porky- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm!
Porky- Spanky said you couldn't talk to her.
Spanky- Hiya, pal!
Alfalfa- Oh, no!
Alfalfa- But... I like the feel of the old man.
Dance teacher- Hello. Hello. Enjoy the show. Who are you with?
Spanky- I'm with him, and we need to talk to Darla.
Alfalfa- Too bad. Well, let's go!
Alfalfa- Oh, man!
Porky- Oh, boy.
Butch- Come on.
Buckwheat- Hey, look! A dollar!
Porky- Ducky, ducky! Yoo-hoo, Mister Ducky, ducky! Ducky! Ducky! Ducky, ducky! Ducky! Come
here, ducky! Ducky!
Buckwheat- Hey, ya dumb duck, wait up!
Butch- Hmm. What's this? Oh, no, not pickles! Oh, yuck!
Buckwheat- # we got a dollar, we got a dollar, we got a dollar. Hey, hey, hey, hey, we got a
dollar, we got a dollar, we got a dollar. Hey, hey, hey, hey #
Alfalfa- I'm bored.
Alfalfa- Gee, thanks!
Butch- Hey, there they are.
Alfalfa- Whoops! Whoops! Let's go!
Butch- whoops! Whoops! Shh!
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Hiya, big boys!
Butch- woof, woof!
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- You mean, besides you?
Spanky(dressed as girl)- I think they went in there.
Butch- Thanks, doll face.
Woim- One, two, three!
Butch- Stop this! Please, you're hurting me! Let go of me!
Spanky(dressed as girl)- This tutu's killin' me.
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Hi!
Girl- Are you a fairy?
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- No!
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Uh-uh!
Girl- You know, a sugarplum fairy.
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- Oh, well, yes, of course.
Darla- What's the matter?
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Oh, she must have a frog in her throat.
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- I'm so nervous. I'm sweating like a pig. It must be... the recital.
Darla- Come here. Here's my hanky.
Girl- Waldo's Darla's boyfriend.
Darla- Do you have boyfriends?
Alfalfa and Spanky(dressed as girls)- No!
Spanky(dressed as girl)- No, of course not. Uh...
What a physique!
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Are you crazy?
Darla- I used to know Alfalfa. He took the best years of my life.
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Same here! That ugly scud led me on as if he cared...then dropped me
like a hot tamale. Plus, you know what?
Girls- No, what?
Darla- I don't miss him at all, except...his voice. When he sings, he makes me melt like a
popsicle on the Fourth of July.
Girl- He is awfully romantical.
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- Bye!
Dance Teacher- All right, girls, it's time to take your positions! It's show time! Come on now,
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- Spanky, what are we doing?
Dance Teacher- And now scenes from...The Nutcracker. - -And two and three.
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Get rid of it.
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- Come here, hold my hand.
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Are you nuts?
Dance Teacher- Get off! Get! Ohh!
Alfalfa(dressed as girl)- whoo!
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Aw, nah, nah! I wouldn't open that, if I was you.
Alfalfa- Thanks, Spanky. You sure are a pal.
Spanky(dressed as girl)- Your loss, baby. # Doo dee-doo dee-doo Doo dee-doo dee-doo #
Butch- Got a burger to go with that shake?
Spanky(dressed as girl)- # Doo dee-doo# Aaah!
Woim- That's him!
Butch- Come back here, you ugly little freak!
Man- And stay out!
"I hate you, Alfalfa. "
Butch- Nice tan. Any last words?
Alfalfa- Yeah. Uh... see ya!
Worker- Hey! No, you don't!
Woman Worker- Well, you'd better.
Butch- He lucked out!
Darla- Alfalfa! This is a side of you I've never seen before.
Buckwheat- Do you like pickles?
Porky- I think they stink.
Buckwheat- I love pickles.
Porky- I'll sell you my pickle for a nickel.
Buckwheat- How about two cents?
Porky- Rough day?
Alfalfa- Don't ask.
Buckwheat- Are these kosher?
Buckwheat- 'Panky, me and Porky got an idea.
Spanky- Keep it. You might need it when you grow up.
Buckwheat- Hey, maybe this will work.
Porky- Let's go.
Stymie- It's a really good show!
Stymie- Come on, everybody!
Spanky- Four-foot man-eating chicken! Hey, folks, we need to make some money!
Stymie- Gimme a quarter! Five dollars! Anything!
Spanky- We need to build a new clubhouse!
Stymie- Just hurry, hurry, hurry!
are ridin' the rides.
Stymie- Please go in.
Spanky- What's goin' on?
Stymie- Buckwheat, Porky, you're geniuses.
Buckwheat and Porky- Th-a-a-anks!
Spanky- Look, how 'bout if I take over and give you guys a break?
Buckwheat and Porky- Otay!
Spanky- Hmm. Money, money.
Miss Crabtree- Spanky McFarland!
Spanky- Miss Crabtree!
Spanky- But I...
Spanky- Um, Miss Crabtree, I got a suggestion. What we could do is...
Miss Crabtree- Interesting. Intriguing. I love it.
Audience member- whoo! Nice suit, kid!
Waldo- # "L" is for the way you look At me. "O" is for the only one I see. "V" is very, very
to you. Love is more than just a Game for two. Two in love can make it #
Waldo- # Love was made for me and you ##
Alfalfa- Dang. Miss Crabtree, do you got room for just one more act?
Alfalfa- Thanks, Miss Crabtree!
Miss Crabtree- You're welcome.
Stymie- Just think, in three days, the money's ours.
Froggy- Everything else may have gone wrong...but there's no way we can lose the race.
Butch- Yeah! The Blur belongs to Butch.
Woim- And woim.
Waldo- Well, if it isn't Falafel.
Waldo- Whatever. I hope you didn't miss my duet with Darla.
Alfalfa- You call that a duet?
Waldo- It was stupendous. She wasn't bad either.
Alfalfa- # Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' #
Waldo- What on Earth are you doing?
Miss Crabtree- Alfalfa, you're on.
Miss Crabtree- Come on, dear.
He-Man woman-Hater. But I'm a woman-lover!
Spanky- I'm gonna put that fool out of his misery!
All I need is the air that I breathe And to love you ##
Darla- Oh, I hate you, Alfalfa.
Spanky- Hee-hee! Hey!
Froggy- Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles!
Spanky- That was the most disgusting display...of she-man woman-loving I've ever seen!
Spanky- All my fault?
Froggy- You torched the clubhouse.
Spanky- Well, where is it?
Stymie- Boy, you're messin' up left and right!
Kid- Me too!
Kid- What a wimp.
Alfalfa- He started it!
Stymie- All I know is...you only make a once-in-a-lifetime buddy...once in a lifetime.
Alfalfa- Is Spanky home?
Spanky’s Dad- I'm sorry, Alfalfa. Spanky isn't here.
Alfalfa’s Dad- I'm sorry, Spanky. Alfalfa's not here.
Spanky- I thought I'd find you here.
Spanky- You didn't call me a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk.
for the fire too, a little.
Alfalfa- But is woman-hating the important thing? I mean, couldn't we be a club 'cause we like
Spanky- Hmm. Shoot! without a clubhouse, we don't have a club.
Stymie- Hey! You guys burned down a clubhouse, not a club!
possible we need!
Spanky- We need a hammer... and nails. A motor. We need a battery and a chassis...four axles
Buckwheat- Here, Petey.
Buckwheat- Hey, Uh-Huh, does it stink in there?
Spanky- Monkey wrench! Ta-dum! Do us proud, buddy.
Alfalfa- You betcha!
Announcer- Hey, guys, get in your cars! We're ready to start! You there, The kid in the blue.
Alfalfa- How we gonna beat that?
Butch and Woim- Eccch!
Waldo’s Dad- Waldo, you're the best son money can buy.
Waldo- Thanks, Dad.
Porky- I don't have an ugly face. You have an ugly face!
Buckwheat- You have an ugly face!
Porky- You have an ugly face!
Buckwheat- Your mother has an ugly face!
Race official- Okay.
Race Official- You got it.
Darla-Waldo, hurry up. We're late!
Spanky- I don't know, but I can't wait to meet him.
Announcer- Okay, guys, this is it. Fasten your seat belts. Well, well. Mr. Johnston. Nice of you to
join us. The last car is finally is position.
Waldo- You lead a rich fantasy life.
Spanky- Thank you.
Waldo- - Moron.
Spanky- What are you doin' with that?
Buckwheat- Hey, look! My mom's here!
Audience- Go! Go!
A.J. Ferguson- Gentlemen, start your engines!
Announcer- All right, ready. Steady. One, two, three, go!
Alfalfa- Yeah! whoo!
Butch- Grrr! String 'em, woim!
Racers- Aaah! Aah! Oh, no! Aaaaaah!
Butch- All right!
Butch and Woim- whoo-ooh-hoo! Aaaaaah!
Butch- Finders keepers,losers... suck!
Alfalfa- Ah, bite me!
Darla- Waldo, I think we have to turn here!
Darla- You know, you're starting to get on my nerves.
Race Offical- Huh? Uh... Oh! Ohh!
Alfalfa- watch out!
Spanky- Get out of the way! Comin' through!
Spanky- Excuse us! Move!
Old man- You little rascals!
Spanky- Sorry! 10 points for the old guy!
Spanky- They're gettin' away!
Alfalfa- Hold on to your beanie!
Spanky and Alfalfa- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Butch and Woim- backwards! waaaah!
Spanky and Alfalfa- whoo-hoo! Yee-hah!
Alfalfa- Yikes! Spikes!
Darla- Hey! You could've killed them!
finishing this race with you!
Waldo- You got it, babe. Now get out.
Alfalfa- Look! we're back in the race!
Spanky- Hey, pretty good shortcut!
Woim- Hey, how'd they get here?
Butch- Don't worry. This'll fix 'em!
Butch and Woim- Yeah!
Spanky- what's that?
Spanky and Alfalfa- Aaah! Aah!
Spanky- we can't see! where are we? Aaaah! Help! What's goin' on?
Alfalfa- I can't see!
Spanky- My eyes! I can't see!
Woim- Hey, mind your own business, rich boy!
Alfalfa- What a guy!
Spanky- Thanks, pal!
Alfalfa- Aah! Aah! Aaah! Grab the wheel!
Spanky- Are you crazy? We got a finish line to cross!
Alfalfa- Not without this!
Spanky- You're nuts!
Alfalfa- Aaaah! I'm gonna fall off! Hold my feet! Aaaah! Aaaaaah!
Spanky- Hold on! we're almost there!
Buckwheat’s Mom- Winner by a hair! Yes!
Stymie- You did it, Alfalfa! You won!
Alfalfa- We did it! All of us!
Froggy- Gentlemen, let's give Alfalfa a big..."Spoley-oley"!
Kids- Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!
Alfalfa- I'm usually a lover, not a fighter… but in your case I'm willin' to make an exception.
Butch- Pig puckey!
Woim- Allow me!
Stymie- Looking good, man.
Spanky- Hey, there's the guy who risked his neck for us!
Alfalfa- That's not waldo!
Waldo- You'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Spanky- Then who's this guy who saved our butts?
Darla- Hi, guys. what's up?
Spanky- A girl! Ohh!
Stymie- Well, don't that beat all.
me? Ah, the strong, silent type, eh?
Alfalfa- Don't take this personal, lady, but my pal's real disappointed.
A.J. Ferguson- Ohh! what's the matter, sugar pie?
A.J. Ferguson- Well, thank you very much! You didn't do so bad yourself!
Spanky- Say, let's even things up. How 'bout one on this side?
A.J. Ferguson- There ya go!
Kid- What a great race!
Darla- I saw what you did to save my hanky, Alfalfa. That was very heartwarming.
Girl- And awfully romantical.
I think I was wrong. I'm sorry, you guys.
Darla- My Alfalfinator!
Alfalfa- My delectable Darlooney!
Stymie- So, do you live around here?
Porky- Do you like dolls?
Girl- Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
Buckwheat- I do!
honest woman-haters...who came before us?
Spanky- Hey, everybody! Uh-Huh's learned a new word!
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- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"The Little Rascals" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 16 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_little_rascals_12682>.