The Kings of Summer

Joe!

Joe! Joe!

You've been in there

for 54... 55 minutes, Joe!

Masturbation is fun.

I get it.

It's not very green to do it

with the shower running.

Jesus!

Bring your briefs

in there with you.

You're 15 years old.

It's not cute anymore.

Got his mother's fanny.

Your final was due

a week ago, Joe.

I mean, look...

look at the board.

School's over.

We're playing hangman here.

There you are.

Hey.

So, are you guys around tonight?

Because you should totally come

to Thirsty Thursdays.

- End-of-school tradition.

- Yeah. Yeah, totally.

- I'll... I'll be there.

- Cool.

So it's at Wolf's Pond,

whenever you...

Oh... my God.

Eat sh*t, Toy!

I can lend you a shirt.

I've got like five

in my locker.

You know what, actually,

it doesn't look that bad.

So, pregame at Paul's

at like 7:
00-ish.

Paul has his own apartment?

What, you're not

going to acknowledge me?

- Hi.

- Mmm. Yeah.

Um, I will see you tonight.

Yes. Yeah, uh...

- Babe.

- Yes?

Let's go get egg bagels.

Okay. All right. Bye.

Paul. God.

I need a shirt.

That's awesome.

That is... that is great.

Actually, I need a picture.

Sh*t, can I get my phone?

Hey. Mrs. Keenan?

Shh!

Patrick, why are you

running around?

Oh... Grandma,

you remember Joe.

Hi, Mrs. Keenan.

Darling, would you

like a cold washcloth?

What? No. No washcloth.

How about you, Joseph?

Actually, yeah, I would...

I'd love a washcloth.

No, Mom, sit. What the hell?

What the hell is happening?

My mom reminds me of Blanka.

That's the sound I hear

whenever she speaks.

Just the gibberish

of an undisciplined animal.

It's never going to end.

Even when I'm

an adult, she'll find me,

question me.

You're being a little

dramatic, I think.

Joe, they're giving me hives.

There's no way

that they can give you hives.

Holy sh*t.

Hey, kiddo.

Round two. Fight!

- What, Dad?

- Should be a stud here.

Oh, what's all this?

Carol's going to be here in 30.

- Go wash up.

- Uh, Dad, you know, um,

I actually just realized

I have a party tonight,

so I'm not going to be

able to make it

for dinner and stuff.

Sorry.

Too bad.

The plans are already made.

Your sister's driving

all the way in.

I'm making lamb stew.

Are we in Beowulf?

Look, after dinner,

I was thinking

we might bring back Game Night.

It'll be fun.

Game... Game Night's

a family thing, Dad.

I'm not going to play Game Night

with some spider woman

you found in the gutter.

Carol is not a spider woman

that I found in the gutter, Joe.

She's a very nice lady

who happens to like me.

And I like her.

So, we haven't played Game Night

since Mom died, and then,

all of a sudden, you meet

some floozy and expect...

Enough! Enough, Joe.

This is not a debate.

My house, my rules.

Now, go get ready.

So, Joe,

your dad told me

that you go

to Tottenville.

Are you on any teams?

Carol, before we go any further,

you should know...

Frank is not my real father.

I love him,

and I owe him a lot.

You know,

he's very special to me,

but he's not my blood.

Is that true, Frank?

That's completely untrue.

I'm taking Ventnor.

Frank, the lamb

was delicious.

Just so tender and...

it was like I was

chewing avocado meat.

I'm not sure I know

what you're saying, Colin.

Avocado meat.

Heather, do you remember

when Dad quit because, um,

you wouldn't

trade him B&O?

- Remember that?

- Oh... oh, do I remember

when my own father called me

a "fear-mongering Chinaman?"

Yeah, I do... mostly

'cause I'm not a man.

Nor am I Chinese, so...

Oh, my God, what a panic.

That's something

my great-grandfather would say.

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